(no subject)
so, a week ago i was feeling pretty stressed out but happy with what was going on. good job, decent control, had met a gorgeous lady who i've been crushing on.
and then in the span of 2 hours on wednesday i'm unemployed, little to no money, unsure as to whether or not i can get financial assistance until i find a new job, unsure as to how things are progressing with melissa, fluctuating between DRASTIC emotional highs and lows, i've been lonely almost all the time, even when i'm in a room full of people.
the way i see it, i have another week or so to see what, if anything, works out before i'll need to start selling everything i own and move into some shithole apartment where i'll give handjobs for $20.
and if i -do- find another job, how wholeheartedly am i really expected to throw myself into it? i nearly killed myself several times over doing shit for blockbuster, and i ended up scapegoated out onto the street as a reward for my work. how do i know it's not gonna happen again? where's the motivation to start over at an entry-level position somewhere. why do i even care sometimes to do more than the bare minimum?
and then in the span of 2 hours on wednesday i'm unemployed, little to no money, unsure as to whether or not i can get financial assistance until i find a new job, unsure as to how things are progressing with melissa, fluctuating between DRASTIC emotional highs and lows, i've been lonely almost all the time, even when i'm in a room full of people.
the way i see it, i have another week or so to see what, if anything, works out before i'll need to start selling everything i own and move into some shithole apartment where i'll give handjobs for $20.
and if i -do- find another job, how wholeheartedly am i really expected to throw myself into it? i nearly killed myself several times over doing shit for blockbuster, and i ended up scapegoated out onto the street as a reward for my work. how do i know it's not gonna happen again? where's the motivation to start over at an entry-level position somewhere. why do i even care sometimes to do more than the bare minimum?