i fell and it hurt now i dont know what to do

[heero0]

Well i have realized somethings over the last few weeks. I really wanted crystal to be more than she ever could be, i mean that no matter what i might have felt for her she couldnt have returned it and i didnt care nearly as much as i thought i did. one thing these past few weeks have taught me is that i care to much no matter how muchi try to hide it. i have no idea what to do about Megan. NONE at all, suggestions would be nice(JEFF). i have been seeing her again for about a week, sence last fryday, i know i have feelings for her and vice versa but she is worried that i am going to turn out to be an asshole on top of other things as far as i know. she leaves for colladge this fryday and i took the day off work to go there with her but what happens after that? i know myself well enough now to know that i'm not going to handle a semi-commited relationship well over a long distance, a commited relationship at least in my mind is completly diffrent, i mean i trust her completly cause i have no reason not to, but beeing an hour and a half away when she has no real ties to me just makes me worried that i am going to get fucked again some how. i am not worried for once about screwing this up at all, this is one of the better things that has happened to me in a long time(i think in the back of my mind i knew crystal was NEVER going to work out no matter what the rest of my mind thought, i mean shit 68 FUCKING 68 how in the hell at 22 can your number be 68) i can see it in her face that she actually cares but that in its self worries me. does she care about me or is it this person that she has been thinking of for the past 3 years that she sees and not really me? i am not at all the person i was back then. i may be reading into this more than i should be but what else am i supposed to do, ever time i just try to let it all roll on its own something goes wrong. and every time i'm not thinking of Megan(not often latly) i cant seem to stop worrying about christina, i know i shouldnt but for some reason i just think something has gone wrong and i cant do anything about it.

Oh and JEFF i dont know if you will read this far down but i know i have been an asshole these past few weeks and i'm sorry man just alot of shit going on. if i'm not home early enough on fryday then we are hanging out on saterday if you can, i feel like an ass cause i missed your last hockey game on monday, unless my days are all fucked up(verry possible to little sleep this week). again sorry man that i have been AFK for the past few weeks, but at least its not due to CS:S. :)

Silver chair
Miss You Love

"Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...

I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

It's just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

Remember two days
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back"