(Untitled)
Merry Christmas. I did this last year, and as the year comes to a close, I want to find out if anything has changed since a year ago. Take this seriously cause I really want to know what's going on with your life. my life. our life. i love all you bitches and i should really go back to sleep.
Post anything that you want (in comments), and post it ( Read more... )
Post anything that you want (in comments), and post it ( Read more... )
i was an angry, angry, angry, angry person. i seethed of anger. i breathed anger. i lived off of anger. i loved being secluded and left alone. i enjoyed being angry and emo and moody. i liked to mellow in my bitterness and discomfort. i enjoyed being an evil bitch. in a way, i was punishing myself. that's how i became "undone" each day. everyday was a vicious cycle. i loathed life.
at school i was always on guard. i never let anyone befriend me. i loved standing out and at the same time i was afraid of being too noticed. i knew how people were envious and jealous of me. i knew that they didn'really want to be friends with me. i read them like a book. they wore masks. they thought they were so clever and perfect-- with their clean records. however, i read them like an open book. don't be fooled. also, i loved how people ignored me, but at the same time i was very sad. i wanted attention, but i shyed away from it sometimes. it was too much for me to bear. im happy that graduation is approaching soon.
i made trouble at school so my mom always had to go in to fix the problems and go apologizing to the teachers.
i was out of control. i was a wild child because nobody understood me. they didn't even try. i always kept my walls up, but even if i tried to connect with them, i'd be turned away because they never met me half way.
since when i don't know, but i learned that my dad disappointed me a lot. i was hurt. im healing. but im not so good at trusting people now. especially men. boys. males. actually, both sexes.
i now know and understand my parents better. it's a relief.
i learned a lot of myself. i became better acquainted with myself.
i've thought of becoming anorexic and bulimic because i couldn't control the amount of food i ate. one day i was eating excessively and the next day i took in less than 1000 calories. i never became fully anorexic and bulimic. i didn't want to risk anything anymore.
now i eat whatever i want without worrying at all and i exercise regularly. i learned that worrying is a wastful act. so very stupid.
i don't know what you guys might think of this because it might sound strange: i fell in love with a singer. i guess i still am. another way of relieving stress.
although i had plenty of "opportunities" to become an alcoholic because it's so easy to acquire it at home-- i didn't. i didn't drink. im staying away from alcohol.
2007, i hope, will bring many changes. im ready. i have to be. i have this feeling that my life will take an 180 degree turn.
Reply
Leave a comment