feeling somewhat morose

[hedya]

It might be because of the misty weather, which always puts me in a melancholic, introspective state, or just because having had the lurgies dragging on for FAAAR too long has put a damper on it all, but I have to say that I'm feeling rather..... a sad person

Comments

[hedya]

thanks for the hugs, much appreciated. Feeling less self pitying, but still acutely aware that this IS a problem. To the extent that when talking with my gorgeous mavnn about this yesterday I wasn't even sure anymore of what I would *want* to do or *be interested in* right now. Such lack of character is unbecoming, methinks. Any suggestions welcome

[hedya]

.... you forget that as a teacher I cannot take holidays when I want them but only when the government lets me. And even if it is 13 weeks in a year, well, those are not *really* holidays, becuase it becomes the frantic time when you try to catch up with the rest of your life, and when, again the practical stuff that has been piling up for the term months absolutely has to be sorted.

"Remind yourself of where you came from to be who you are."That's a whole new can of worms of itself. I have been feeling increasingly ill at ease with being here. You see, I keep, in general, hitting my head against the brick wall of British cultural arrogance. My roots are ill defined, I was born and lived in Italy for a long time, but in a mixed family with even more mixed origins (my mum is austrian, coming from a mixed german, austrian, polish and czeck descent - the wonders of the austro-hungarian empire :)). I do not fit the stereotipes, yet I'm not British in subtle but significant ways, hence your average brit cannot deal with me as a person

[purp1e_magic]

Not having time is a real problem. With a bit of time on your hands you can kick yourself out of the house, and see where you end up, or you could take yourself off to the theatre or whatever. I find that doing something you used to do gives you an idea of why you don't anymore, and suggestions for thngs you'd enjoy better.

One thought is to try to make time. I find that if I have some specific motivation to get things done, I work much faster. So all those niggling little jobs around the house take no time flat when you're off to the cinema at the end of it. (In Peter's case, making time means learning to sleep less, and these days he only sleeps 5 hours a night.)

Finally, one possibility is to incorporate activities into the things you normally do. For example, eating at a restaurant instead of cooking and eating at home, taking a scenic route to home from work or maybe doing your marking at a quiet cafe once in a while.

I hope it works itself out for you!

[hedya]

One thought is to try to make time. I find that if I have some specific motivation to get things done, I work much faster.

snap. but then the most common occurence for me is to get things done faster only to have a whole new pile of stuff waiting for me, and this is so relentless that even if I say "no, I'm going out now" I don't enjoy it because I'm aware of the pile. I suppose I suffer from an overactive sense of duty, and I do not know how to beat it into something sensible without being at risk to giving in to my other equally strong and dangerous tendency to laziness and despondency, just letting time go by and letting life "happen" to me, rather than living it.

(In Peter's case, making time means learning to sleep less, and these days he only sleeps 5 hours a night.)

NOT an option. Even sleeping 8 hours a night I sometime struggle with my attention levels, and anything less would trigger my fibromyalgia BIG TIME - I do not ever want to go back to the level of pain and dependance on drugs where I was last year.

Finally,

[hedya]

excellent suggestion, I just need to escape the "i will have to do it all over again next week anyway" bug now. It strikes me that as a teacher I have very similar problems to a houeife: repetition of tasks, standing around a long time, having to go over the same things over and over again. The kids change, the smart asses find new ways to be annoying and trying to disrupt lessons but the task, what I actually do, is always the same. And obviously I get that about house keeping and generally the "chorey" bit of living (food, clean self, clean clothes, clean house, repepat)

I think this my actually have contributed to my feeling somewhat trapped in the original post.