before i knew it.
Title: Before I Knew It
Pairing: Seulgi x Wendy
Rate: PG
Summary: Regret is always at the end, and Seulgi realized that the saying itself speaks so much more than it may seem.
A/N: I hope I made this angsty enough and I would have gone all out with this but I thought this is much better and less confusing if anything. (Originally posted on aff)
The small stage of the laid back bar downtown is Seulgi's playground.
Every weekend nights she sits in the middle of the platform, on a wooden stool with a handsome maroon stringed instrument accented with dark shadings, perched on her lap and fingers expertly working and strumming the chords out with ease while her sweet voice serenades and her expressive eyes (continually) mesmerizes the audience all at the same time.
She's like the infamous Piped Piper who lured the children of Hamelin to follow him out of the town. The only difference is that he plays the pipe while she plays the guitar and serenades and wickedly captivates a handful of female audiences in her age or older just for the kick - just because it's a fun thing to do.
If Seulgi were to be honest about how she feels when she's up on the stage effortlessly stealing hearts with her guitar, she'd say that she likes how she feels as if she's in control of everything. From how she could make the bar's patrons to stay for another hour and just listen to her serenading, to having herself receive applauses and such attention.
Oh how she loves it when she makes eye contacts with one of the relatively young ladies present in the bar with a sly smile on her face while singing. She likes how they either try to hide their smile through bitten lip - shy as they could be - but ever failing to succeed, or how they bravely looks back at her with the same impish smile and somewhat sensual glint in their eyes as they watch her with much gusto.
Why yes, Kang Seulgi is that one talented musician of a player.
There wasn't a night where she doesn't return to the side bar only to find the bartending owner of the place smiling amusingly at her as he passes her a glass of a fine cocktail and a piece of napkin with numbers scribbled on it, and soon informing her that some lady bought the drink for her before leaving. Or even a night after the session where she finds herself in the ladies washroom, pinned by the door, engaged in a steamy lip lock activity with a college student. Or actually bringing along a girl to her flat whom she'll date for a couple of days (or weeks if the fates are on the young lady's side.)
Pretty much a carefree and typical player life that Seulgi lives. But not that she cares so much either. She wants to have fun. Her goal is to have fun. There's no reason for her to take things seriously at all, none. So she goes along with the flow, and every night is just another one of those where she'd steal a heart and cold-bloodedly break the fragile thing into pieces within a week.
That's the source of her entertainment.
"So let's start with a song that I'm pretty sure, everybody in here is familiar with." She says with a gentle yet knowing grin as the fingers of her left hand that's positioned on the neck of her guitar instinctively forms a chord on a certain fretboard and her other set of skillful fingers starts plucking the strings. Sure enough the familiar sound had the patrons clap and whistle and even more erupt into woo's as soon as the setting intro ends and she begins to sing the first line of the song.
The corner of her lips tugs upward to a small smirk.
Another night she has officially started with one of the many songs that she likes so much.
Her eyes briefly locks with a couple of pairs dreamily gazing at her as she sings, and when she tear hers off from whoever's whilst flashing a comely smile, Seulgi swears she's seen either some giggling or still keeping their gaze at her, smiling with flushed faces. And those reactions, likewise, just urges her to step up her wicked game even more.
Seulgi continued to sing, her sets of fingers simultaneously and flawlessly coordinating with one another. As she looks up again to see her audience, that's when her eyes automatically meets another pair.
Porcelain skin, silky light brown tresses, and a radiant smile painted on her small face.
Seulgi allows a small rougish smile creep up on her face. She held their gaze.
She leans back in the microphone to sing the last verse. She belts out a note, her eyes closed for at least 5 seconds and then fluttering them open, revealing a pair of captivatingly sharp dark brown orbs, once again locking with the girl's as she sings the last few lines and adlibs.
Seulgi swears that despite the petite looking back at her with a genuine smile, her cheeks evidently showed that the long expressive stare and knowing smile that she has given her has affected her. And it just made the corner of Seulgi's lips curve up even more in such slyness of a triumph.
She made her blush.
Her name was Wendy, and Seulgi had the urge to ask her something lame after they exchanged names over some drink. ("So how was Neverland, Wendy?") But she held her ground firmly. That's not how you impress a girl, Seulgi. Get a grip of yourself. She reminded.
Much to Seulgi's surprise, Wendy's way different from anybody else in the bar. Way different from the girls she shared a couple of drinks with after an hour long of singing up on the small stage. For once, Seulgi didn't feel as if she's getting visually molested the very moment she sat opposite from Wendy and Wendy didn't lean in the table and brush her knees against hers underneath or even dared to place a hand over hers the whole time they were talking. Their conversation is even oddly the most normal Seulgi has ever had ever since, (but of course with the exception of the ones that she gets when she's sitting on one of the stools in the side bar chatting with her good friend, Yesung, who happen to own the place) because amusingly enough, the talks that Seulgi usually finds herself sharing with a girl just had to be something sexual. However with Wendy, no flirting and inuendos were involved. Just them comfortably talking to each other as they share the same interest to one another and Wendy complementing her wonderful guitar skills with much sincerity.
Her whole being screams decency and it intrigues Seulgi so much to know more about her and start a terrible game with her that only she's going to be aware about.
It was already interesting how they happen to share the same interest when it comes to guitar and singing, but it was even more fascinating how both also share the same birth month and year. They also happen to attend the same university just that Wendy takes music as her major while Seulgi is in the interior designs.
If Seulgi was some romantic freak, she'd probably say that a red string must be attached to them, but the mere thought only made Seulgi laugh like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. It's so cringe worthy. So mushy. So childish. Heck, Seulgi doesn't even believe in anything that has something to do with the feeling of affection and its tenderness.
After all she isn't supposed to feel anything when she's playing.
She's not supposed to care either.
Or even somehow get affected if something - whatever it could be - happens.
With each passing day, Seulgi has managed to make the both of them become closer. Their lunch meet ups (which always depended on their busy class schedules) turned into dates. And with each day spent, Wendy just kept on falling deeper into her.
All it takes for Kang Seulgi to keep her game on its track is doing the right things at the right time as much as saying the right words at the right moments. A couple of heart fluttering gestures right here and there and a set of simple yet well chosen words put together to make Wendy smile and bite her lip and hug her arm and tip toe and place a chaste kiss on her cheek or on her lips when they're in her flat, cuddled up in the couch under the blankets while they're watching some movie that Wendy picked.
Of course it was Wendy who confessed to her. Her round eyes were full of uncertainty, but a glint of hope was also apparent in those beautiful dark brown pools. She was softly biting onto her bottom lip. Worry was written all over her small face as she waits for Seulgi's answer after telling her how she feels about her. ("I really like you Seulgi, but it's fine if you don't feel the same way.") Because they were lying on her couch with Wendy on top of her, Seulgi can feel the frantic pounding of her heart against her chest. She can feel how tense Wendy is. How nervous she is. And somehow Seulgi knows that at the back of her head, she's dreading to hear her answer to her confession.
She cupped her face and used her thumb to gently caress her cheek. She stared back at her with a smile that never fails to melt her and Wendy could have sworn that she stopped breathing for a couple of seconds as Seulgi's eyes softened. All her worry about having her feelings thrown away seemed was replaced with hope the moment Seulgi smiled at her and held her close. For a short while, Wendy felt so sure that Seulgi will accept her sincere feelings until the latter parted her lips and spoke a silent rejection.
"Wendy, let's just enjoy what we currently have."
Wendy is clearly disappointed. Heartbroken. Embarrassed. And Seulgi is very much aware of the crestfallen girl before her. But she doesn't feel guilty at all for crushing her hopes. There's nothing to feel guilty about and Seulgi believes that all Wendy needed - that all she needed for them to ward off the gloomy atmosphere that surrounded them are some sugar coated white lie in the form of an assurance.
Sure enough they remained whatever they are and Seulgi is quite surprised at how long she's been around Wendy.
Usually her relationships only lasts a week or less, but with Wendy it's almost been 3 months. Maybe it's because Wendy really believed everything she said and was completely fooled with the things she shows her. But while Wendy's continually giving her all the affection, Seulgi won't deny the fact how she's getting uninterested with each days passed.
She needs to end the game already.
No words were needed. Seulgi simply just took the initiative to drift away from her. It started off with forced and tired smiles. Kisses that she barely responds to anymore. Not answering phone calls and text messages. Finally, to purposely getting caught making out with another girl near the bar's washroom after finishing an hour long session.
The woman hurriedly left and Wendy just stood there flabbergasted, her heart finally breaking into pieces. She couldn't speak nor make a sound. Her throat is too dry. Her breathing got heavier with every seconds passing by. No, she couldn't breathe properly. It's as if a huge block has been placed in her lungs to make it impossible for her to do so. Her stomach was hollow. Her eyes glistened and the next thing she knew she's soundlessly crying as she looks at Seulgi who was beginning to be her everything. Then she placed a hand over her gapping mouth and ran away, badly broken and Seulgi just stayed rooted on her spot, emotionless.
A month has passed since the incident which involves Wendy who ran away crying her heart out and that night as she gets home, her phone barely rang. There were no calls nor text messages from her. A day passed and two and three, a week. She never saw Wendy again and she scoffed. But her scoffs turned into sighs as she stares at her phone every night, waiting for anything from Wendy until she passes out.
That's when she realized how much she misses Wendy. How much she misses hearing her voice. How much she misses seeing her smiles. How much she misses making her laugh. How much she misses hugging her. How much she misses holding her hand. How much she misses kissing her, and just how much she misses hearing her say her name. Just how her name would roll perfectly off her tongue. Just how cold it has gone without her, because deep down, Wendy is everything nice and warm to Seulgi.
When she managed to see her in the university, Wendy was in the study hall alone and hunched over a table with a couple of books and notes opened. She was studying. Seulgi who wasn't in her best state then still walked over to her table. "Can we talk?"
Wendy looked up and was surprised at how Seulgi looks like she hasn't slept for a week, and she wanted to ask whatever happened to her, but Seulgi tremblingly placed a hand over her shoulder, hid her face and breathlessly pleaded to her. "Please Wendy… I need to talk to you…"
Wendy was still very much grief-stricken about everything that has happened that night, but seeing Seulgi miserable and (finally) taking it worse than her felt terribly painful.
"Give me a second, Seulgi."
"Yesung, why does it hurt so much?" drunk, Seulgi asked the dark-haired bartender who has stopped wiping the glasses crystal clear an hour ago and is now just sitting beside her, worried as he looks at the number of empty beer and soju bottles that she downed since sitting down on one of the bar's stool.
(On that day they talked about everything and Seulgi honestly answered every question she receives from her. The explanations came to an end and Seulgi apologized and admittedly told her how much she regrets pushing her away and not stopping her and running after her and locking her in her arms on that very night she lost her. It came to the point that Seulgi also ended up swallowing her pride and asked to be granted another chance to make things right, but Wendy was still hurt. Extremely hurt.
"I'm sorry, Seulgi."
It wasn't an apology. It was a rejection.
You've hurt me enough.)
"Tell me why does it hurt so bad? Why?" Seulgi turned and looked at her friend, her eyes red and sore from all the crying and Yesung felt so bad seeing the person whom he treated like his own sister look so miserable.
He gets off from his stool, stands on his feet and envelops her in his arms.
"It hurts like that because you loved her."
Seulgi bit her lower lip hard and cried on his shoulder.
Indeed she loved her, but she realized her feelings way too late.
Pairing: Seulgi x Wendy
Rate: PG
Summary: Regret is always at the end, and Seulgi realized that the saying itself speaks so much more than it may seem.
A/N: I hope I made this angsty enough and I would have gone all out with this but I thought this is much better and less confusing if anything. (Originally posted on aff)
The small stage of the laid back bar downtown is Seulgi's playground.
Every weekend nights she sits in the middle of the platform, on a wooden stool with a handsome maroon stringed instrument accented with dark shadings, perched on her lap and fingers expertly working and strumming the chords out with ease while her sweet voice serenades and her expressive eyes (continually) mesmerizes the audience all at the same time.
She's like the infamous Piped Piper who lured the children of Hamelin to follow him out of the town. The only difference is that he plays the pipe while she plays the guitar and serenades and wickedly captivates a handful of female audiences in her age or older just for the kick - just because it's a fun thing to do.
If Seulgi were to be honest about how she feels when she's up on the stage effortlessly stealing hearts with her guitar, she'd say that she likes how she feels as if she's in control of everything. From how she could make the bar's patrons to stay for another hour and just listen to her serenading, to having herself receive applauses and such attention.
Oh how she loves it when she makes eye contacts with one of the relatively young ladies present in the bar with a sly smile on her face while singing. She likes how they either try to hide their smile through bitten lip - shy as they could be - but ever failing to succeed, or how they bravely looks back at her with the same impish smile and somewhat sensual glint in their eyes as they watch her with much gusto.
Why yes, Kang Seulgi is that one talented musician of a player.
There wasn't a night where she doesn't return to the side bar only to find the bartending owner of the place smiling amusingly at her as he passes her a glass of a fine cocktail and a piece of napkin with numbers scribbled on it, and soon informing her that some lady bought the drink for her before leaving. Or even a night after the session where she finds herself in the ladies washroom, pinned by the door, engaged in a steamy lip lock activity with a college student. Or actually bringing along a girl to her flat whom she'll date for a couple of days (or weeks if the fates are on the young lady's side.)
Pretty much a carefree and typical player life that Seulgi lives. But not that she cares so much either. She wants to have fun. Her goal is to have fun. There's no reason for her to take things seriously at all, none. So she goes along with the flow, and every night is just another one of those where she'd steal a heart and cold-bloodedly break the fragile thing into pieces within a week.
That's the source of her entertainment.
"So let's start with a song that I'm pretty sure, everybody in here is familiar with." She says with a gentle yet knowing grin as the fingers of her left hand that's positioned on the neck of her guitar instinctively forms a chord on a certain fretboard and her other set of skillful fingers starts plucking the strings. Sure enough the familiar sound had the patrons clap and whistle and even more erupt into woo's as soon as the setting intro ends and she begins to sing the first line of the song.
The corner of her lips tugs upward to a small smirk.
Another night she has officially started with one of the many songs that she likes so much.
Her eyes briefly locks with a couple of pairs dreamily gazing at her as she sings, and when she tear hers off from whoever's whilst flashing a comely smile, Seulgi swears she's seen either some giggling or still keeping their gaze at her, smiling with flushed faces. And those reactions, likewise, just urges her to step up her wicked game even more.
Seulgi continued to sing, her sets of fingers simultaneously and flawlessly coordinating with one another. As she looks up again to see her audience, that's when her eyes automatically meets another pair.
Porcelain skin, silky light brown tresses, and a radiant smile painted on her small face.
Seulgi allows a small rougish smile creep up on her face. She held their gaze.
She leans back in the microphone to sing the last verse. She belts out a note, her eyes closed for at least 5 seconds and then fluttering them open, revealing a pair of captivatingly sharp dark brown orbs, once again locking with the girl's as she sings the last few lines and adlibs.
Seulgi swears that despite the petite looking back at her with a genuine smile, her cheeks evidently showed that the long expressive stare and knowing smile that she has given her has affected her. And it just made the corner of Seulgi's lips curve up even more in such slyness of a triumph.
She made her blush.
Her name was Wendy, and Seulgi had the urge to ask her something lame after they exchanged names over some drink. ("So how was Neverland, Wendy?") But she held her ground firmly. That's not how you impress a girl, Seulgi. Get a grip of yourself. She reminded.
Much to Seulgi's surprise, Wendy's way different from anybody else in the bar. Way different from the girls she shared a couple of drinks with after an hour long of singing up on the small stage. For once, Seulgi didn't feel as if she's getting visually molested the very moment she sat opposite from Wendy and Wendy didn't lean in the table and brush her knees against hers underneath or even dared to place a hand over hers the whole time they were talking. Their conversation is even oddly the most normal Seulgi has ever had ever since, (but of course with the exception of the ones that she gets when she's sitting on one of the stools in the side bar chatting with her good friend, Yesung, who happen to own the place) because amusingly enough, the talks that Seulgi usually finds herself sharing with a girl just had to be something sexual. However with Wendy, no flirting and inuendos were involved. Just them comfortably talking to each other as they share the same interest to one another and Wendy complementing her wonderful guitar skills with much sincerity.
Her whole being screams decency and it intrigues Seulgi so much to know more about her and start a terrible game with her that only she's going to be aware about.
It was already interesting how they happen to share the same interest when it comes to guitar and singing, but it was even more fascinating how both also share the same birth month and year. They also happen to attend the same university just that Wendy takes music as her major while Seulgi is in the interior designs.
If Seulgi was some romantic freak, she'd probably say that a red string must be attached to them, but the mere thought only made Seulgi laugh like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. It's so cringe worthy. So mushy. So childish. Heck, Seulgi doesn't even believe in anything that has something to do with the feeling of affection and its tenderness.
After all she isn't supposed to feel anything when she's playing.
She's not supposed to care either.
Or even somehow get affected if something - whatever it could be - happens.
With each passing day, Seulgi has managed to make the both of them become closer. Their lunch meet ups (which always depended on their busy class schedules) turned into dates. And with each day spent, Wendy just kept on falling deeper into her.
All it takes for Kang Seulgi to keep her game on its track is doing the right things at the right time as much as saying the right words at the right moments. A couple of heart fluttering gestures right here and there and a set of simple yet well chosen words put together to make Wendy smile and bite her lip and hug her arm and tip toe and place a chaste kiss on her cheek or on her lips when they're in her flat, cuddled up in the couch under the blankets while they're watching some movie that Wendy picked.
Of course it was Wendy who confessed to her. Her round eyes were full of uncertainty, but a glint of hope was also apparent in those beautiful dark brown pools. She was softly biting onto her bottom lip. Worry was written all over her small face as she waits for Seulgi's answer after telling her how she feels about her. ("I really like you Seulgi, but it's fine if you don't feel the same way.") Because they were lying on her couch with Wendy on top of her, Seulgi can feel the frantic pounding of her heart against her chest. She can feel how tense Wendy is. How nervous she is. And somehow Seulgi knows that at the back of her head, she's dreading to hear her answer to her confession.
She cupped her face and used her thumb to gently caress her cheek. She stared back at her with a smile that never fails to melt her and Wendy could have sworn that she stopped breathing for a couple of seconds as Seulgi's eyes softened. All her worry about having her feelings thrown away seemed was replaced with hope the moment Seulgi smiled at her and held her close. For a short while, Wendy felt so sure that Seulgi will accept her sincere feelings until the latter parted her lips and spoke a silent rejection.
"Wendy, let's just enjoy what we currently have."
Wendy is clearly disappointed. Heartbroken. Embarrassed. And Seulgi is very much aware of the crestfallen girl before her. But she doesn't feel guilty at all for crushing her hopes. There's nothing to feel guilty about and Seulgi believes that all Wendy needed - that all she needed for them to ward off the gloomy atmosphere that surrounded them are some sugar coated white lie in the form of an assurance.
Sure enough they remained whatever they are and Seulgi is quite surprised at how long she's been around Wendy.
Usually her relationships only lasts a week or less, but with Wendy it's almost been 3 months. Maybe it's because Wendy really believed everything she said and was completely fooled with the things she shows her. But while Wendy's continually giving her all the affection, Seulgi won't deny the fact how she's getting uninterested with each days passed.
She needs to end the game already.
No words were needed. Seulgi simply just took the initiative to drift away from her. It started off with forced and tired smiles. Kisses that she barely responds to anymore. Not answering phone calls and text messages. Finally, to purposely getting caught making out with another girl near the bar's washroom after finishing an hour long session.
The woman hurriedly left and Wendy just stood there flabbergasted, her heart finally breaking into pieces. She couldn't speak nor make a sound. Her throat is too dry. Her breathing got heavier with every seconds passing by. No, she couldn't breathe properly. It's as if a huge block has been placed in her lungs to make it impossible for her to do so. Her stomach was hollow. Her eyes glistened and the next thing she knew she's soundlessly crying as she looks at Seulgi who was beginning to be her everything. Then she placed a hand over her gapping mouth and ran away, badly broken and Seulgi just stayed rooted on her spot, emotionless.
A month has passed since the incident which involves Wendy who ran away crying her heart out and that night as she gets home, her phone barely rang. There were no calls nor text messages from her. A day passed and two and three, a week. She never saw Wendy again and she scoffed. But her scoffs turned into sighs as she stares at her phone every night, waiting for anything from Wendy until she passes out.
That's when she realized how much she misses Wendy. How much she misses hearing her voice. How much she misses seeing her smiles. How much she misses making her laugh. How much she misses hugging her. How much she misses holding her hand. How much she misses kissing her, and just how much she misses hearing her say her name. Just how her name would roll perfectly off her tongue. Just how cold it has gone without her, because deep down, Wendy is everything nice and warm to Seulgi.
When she managed to see her in the university, Wendy was in the study hall alone and hunched over a table with a couple of books and notes opened. She was studying. Seulgi who wasn't in her best state then still walked over to her table. "Can we talk?"
Wendy looked up and was surprised at how Seulgi looks like she hasn't slept for a week, and she wanted to ask whatever happened to her, but Seulgi tremblingly placed a hand over her shoulder, hid her face and breathlessly pleaded to her. "Please Wendy… I need to talk to you…"
Wendy was still very much grief-stricken about everything that has happened that night, but seeing Seulgi miserable and (finally) taking it worse than her felt terribly painful.
"Give me a second, Seulgi."
"Yesung, why does it hurt so much?" drunk, Seulgi asked the dark-haired bartender who has stopped wiping the glasses crystal clear an hour ago and is now just sitting beside her, worried as he looks at the number of empty beer and soju bottles that she downed since sitting down on one of the bar's stool.
(On that day they talked about everything and Seulgi honestly answered every question she receives from her. The explanations came to an end and Seulgi apologized and admittedly told her how much she regrets pushing her away and not stopping her and running after her and locking her in her arms on that very night she lost her. It came to the point that Seulgi also ended up swallowing her pride and asked to be granted another chance to make things right, but Wendy was still hurt. Extremely hurt.
"I'm sorry, Seulgi."
It wasn't an apology. It was a rejection.
You've hurt me enough.)
"Tell me why does it hurt so bad? Why?" Seulgi turned and looked at her friend, her eyes red and sore from all the crying and Yesung felt so bad seeing the person whom he treated like his own sister look so miserable.
He gets off from his stool, stands on his feet and envelops her in his arms.
"It hurts like that because you loved her."
Seulgi bit her lower lip hard and cried on his shoulder.
Indeed she loved her, but she realized her feelings way too late.