Dismal Finale (with a bounce at the bottom)
So last Saturday our Double-A Little League team finished off its regular season and capped it with an 8 team playoff series. We were scheduled to play the Orioles, and had beaten them the week before on Emmett's Best Game Ever (when he pitched three shutout innings, collected four hits and played excellent defense). I arrived before the game with high hopes, and discovered that Emmett was sick. Low grade fever of 100. Coughing and congested. Tim had scheduled the six inning game with Noah pitching the first three innings and Emmett the last three.
Emmett's warming up with Nathan and he looks listless and slowly melting in the summer heat. He doesn't feel good.
I tell Tim that I don't think Emmett can pitch. Emmett sits down with his Mom and starts crying. He doesn't feel like he can play. I go and sit with Emmett in the shade and try to talk him into at least starting the game and then seeing how he'll feel. I know he's on Dayquil and has been drinking Gatorade and I think he can contribute just by being in the field, and I just have a sense that he'll bounce back a little bit. I've seen him with lots of colds where he's feverish in the morning and bounces back in the early afternoon and bursting with energy.
To be honest, I am also definitely in Coach mode as much as Dad mode at this point. Without Emmett I don't think we'll have a chance. But that's not the main thing.
There's another thing going on. Emmett's Mother and I agree on almost all of our parenting philosophy. But I've got a big issue with her attitude about quitting. Which is...she's okay with it. And I'm not. And I'm aware of this even as I'm wrestling with this situation. This is old stuff between us - a really long running dynamic which (mind the anvils) is also a part of how I see our marriage ending. (That is, she quit when things got difficult.)
I'm very conscious that this is not a value that I want to convey to Emmett. His Mom had a full scholarship to Juilliard coming out of high school. She didn't take it and didn't go to college at all. When we were together, I encouraged her to go to school to get her college degree, which she pursued and was successful at. And then she quit that too. She also quit her acting career when that got hard. It's a thing.
Bottom line, though, is that this is mostly scar tissue from the divorce for me that manifests as an anxiety about Emmett. Obviously there are times when the appropriate thing to do is to quit. But life is hard enough that I place a huge value on resilience, and digging deep and working through stuff. As far as my 8 y.o. son goes, my expectation is that he try before he decides to quit something. Trying is important to me.
So Emmett's caught in a push-pull situation between his parents, and he's not feeling good. He's basically telling each of us what we want to hear. He tells his Mom he doesn't want to play. He tells me he's willing to try starting the game.
It's not a shining moment in co-parenting, let me tell you.
But I'm not a raving asshole either, so I just tell Tim that Emmett can't play. I don't feel good about it, but I'm more interested in Emmett learning the value of sticking things out, than really getting him on the field. It's obvious that he's not dogging it - he really doesn't feel well. Also, I don't want to draw out what I recognize is a bad dynamic between Emmett's Mom and myself when it's playing as a decision around him. Particularly when that's putting pressure on him. In all my past experience with co-parenting, it's almost always better to back up when you hit these kind of impasses rather than bulldoze forward. Deal with it later under less charged circumstances. Certainly never use the kid as the fulcrum when you're pressing for leverage.
So, Tim crosses Emmett off the official roster for the day (this is a tournament, after all) and that's what he submits to the umpire.
Noah is the starting pitcher for us, and mows down the opposition without much trouble in the first inning. My gut's churning and I'm trying to focus on the game. After the first inning, I turn to Emmett who is sitting in the bleachers with his Mom.
"How're you feeling", I ask.
"Actually, I feel a lot better. I think I could play," he replies.
::sigh::
Of course, it's too late now. Emmett's not on the roster.
But the moral of this story is not that I was right. Emmett really wasn't well enough to play and was still listless and coughing by the end of the game. He certainly wasn't well enough to pitch, which is really what the team needed to win. He might have helped in the field and at bat (though I also don't think he could've really run the bases effectively), but our only hope to win was to pitch Noah for three and Emmett for three.
As for the game itself, Noah only gave up one run in the first three innings. Their pitcher gave up none. We're down 1-0 in the fourth inning and Nathan comes in to pitch. And they hammer him. They're smoking the ball over our outfielder's heads. And the ball (as it does) relentlessly sought out our less able fielders all game. Line drive right at John - bounces off his glove. (John had a particularly bad game, where he also made two bad throws back to the pitcher after a play, that went wildly to the fence and baserunners advanced, later to score.) Line drive to Josh G. at third, that goes in his glove and plops out. Oy. It's dismal. We give up three runs. We're down 4-0.
We get some back in the bottom of the fourth, on a key RBI hit by Aidan. He's been a hitting machine in the last part of season, making more contact than anybody except Emmett (though Emmett's hitting much harder). Albert gets two more big RBIs. Score is 4-3. There is hope.
Josh GW comes into pitch the fifth inning. He's wild. It keeps going to coach pitch, and they tee off. We give up another four runs. This is when our defense breaks down. Nathan's in the outfield. Emmett's on the bench. Without one of them in the infield we just don't have that one reliable fielder who's going to make the tags, field the balls and backup the plays. It's funny what a difference it makes. Well, funny in the sense that it felt miserable to watch that inning.
Tim pulls Josh GW because he can't get the last out. He brings in Albert, who, you may remember, had his pitching debut just the previous weekend. Albert strikes out the batter. Suddenly I am cheered. Go Albert! Totally stepping up. Albert also had a key hit in our earlier mini-rally. Still, we're down 8-3.
Top of the sixth, Albert goes out to pitch and he shuts 'em down. Whoa. I mean, he's not throwing that hard, but he's acccurate and they can't hit him very well.
We got last ups. Eli leads off, fights back from an 0-2 count to get coach pitch. Hits a grounder to shortstop and burns down the line. It's a bang bang play and he gets called out. He comes back around and he's got tears in his eyes, and I pull him aside for a a second and just tell him, "You made contact and busted down the line hard. I'm proud of you. That's all you can do." Aidan comes up and gets his third hit of the day. He steals second and third and comes around to score. Nathan gets on and comes around to score. 8-5. The other team starts to look nervous.
Ellen comes up. She's been struggling at the plate for a while now. We've worked and worked with her to get her to just swing at pitches instead of taking them. She tries to bunt, and misses. Strike one. Second missed bunt attempt - strike two. We're yelling at her to swing away. She takes a close pitch for a ball. Works the count full, and it goes to coach pitch. Tim goes out to pitch, and he can't find the strike zone. It's a very long at bat. And then, Ellen rips a line drive out past the centerfielder! She rounds first and I tell her to take second since the fielders aren't even to the ball yet, she runs to second and I'm yelling, "Slide, slide!" and she tippytoes into the bag and gets tagged out on a close play.
She's mildly miffed by this and seems unimpresed by her fantastic hit, which has all the coaches gibbering with happiness. It was our longest hit of the day. Josh G. makes the last out, but at least he goes down swinging. I'm feeling a little bounce at the bottom. We fought back to make it 8-5, and gave the other team a scare. And we'd beaten them last week, so we knew we were capable of doing it with out best squad on the field.
But Nathan's taking it hard. He's with his parents, crying after the game. I just wanted to console him so much. He might've regressed a bit as a pitcher during the year, getting increasingly hittable, but he's still one of our two best all-around players and a joy to have on the team.
Mostly I felt better. It was clear that Emmett really couldn't play that day. Just bad timing for a cold. And I was so proud of Albert for coming in and pitching so well for us in a key game with so little exerience. And excited about Ellen's big hit.
We're having a team picnic on Thursday evening at La Loma park to say goodbye and I hope I get to talk to each of them and tell them how much I enjoyed coaching them this year, and how proud I was of their accomplishments.
Side note: Most of the game I was distracted and miserable. Feeling bad about the whole situation with Emmett and his Mom, and also feeling bad for our kids while they made mistakes in the field and looked down. I didn't feel like a particularly good Dad or coach that day. But before the sixth inning, Eli's Mom called me over and said very sweetly, "Whenever the team was getting down today, you always said the right thing. You never put more pressure on them after a mistake, but encouraged them and tried to get them to focus on the next play. You'd see one of them with their shoulders drooping in the field after an error and always said something that seeemed to help them out." That was very nice to hear.
Baseball's not over for Emmett though. He had his first practice with the Tournament Team last night.
Emmett's warming up with Nathan and he looks listless and slowly melting in the summer heat. He doesn't feel good.
I tell Tim that I don't think Emmett can pitch. Emmett sits down with his Mom and starts crying. He doesn't feel like he can play. I go and sit with Emmett in the shade and try to talk him into at least starting the game and then seeing how he'll feel. I know he's on Dayquil and has been drinking Gatorade and I think he can contribute just by being in the field, and I just have a sense that he'll bounce back a little bit. I've seen him with lots of colds where he's feverish in the morning and bounces back in the early afternoon and bursting with energy.
To be honest, I am also definitely in Coach mode as much as Dad mode at this point. Without Emmett I don't think we'll have a chance. But that's not the main thing.
There's another thing going on. Emmett's Mother and I agree on almost all of our parenting philosophy. But I've got a big issue with her attitude about quitting. Which is...she's okay with it. And I'm not. And I'm aware of this even as I'm wrestling with this situation. This is old stuff between us - a really long running dynamic which (mind the anvils) is also a part of how I see our marriage ending. (That is, she quit when things got difficult.)
I'm very conscious that this is not a value that I want to convey to Emmett. His Mom had a full scholarship to Juilliard coming out of high school. She didn't take it and didn't go to college at all. When we were together, I encouraged her to go to school to get her college degree, which she pursued and was successful at. And then she quit that too. She also quit her acting career when that got hard. It's a thing.
Bottom line, though, is that this is mostly scar tissue from the divorce for me that manifests as an anxiety about Emmett. Obviously there are times when the appropriate thing to do is to quit. But life is hard enough that I place a huge value on resilience, and digging deep and working through stuff. As far as my 8 y.o. son goes, my expectation is that he try before he decides to quit something. Trying is important to me.
So Emmett's caught in a push-pull situation between his parents, and he's not feeling good. He's basically telling each of us what we want to hear. He tells his Mom he doesn't want to play. He tells me he's willing to try starting the game.
It's not a shining moment in co-parenting, let me tell you.
But I'm not a raving asshole either, so I just tell Tim that Emmett can't play. I don't feel good about it, but I'm more interested in Emmett learning the value of sticking things out, than really getting him on the field. It's obvious that he's not dogging it - he really doesn't feel well. Also, I don't want to draw out what I recognize is a bad dynamic between Emmett's Mom and myself when it's playing as a decision around him. Particularly when that's putting pressure on him. In all my past experience with co-parenting, it's almost always better to back up when you hit these kind of impasses rather than bulldoze forward. Deal with it later under less charged circumstances. Certainly never use the kid as the fulcrum when you're pressing for leverage.
So, Tim crosses Emmett off the official roster for the day (this is a tournament, after all) and that's what he submits to the umpire.
Noah is the starting pitcher for us, and mows down the opposition without much trouble in the first inning. My gut's churning and I'm trying to focus on the game. After the first inning, I turn to Emmett who is sitting in the bleachers with his Mom.
"How're you feeling", I ask.
"Actually, I feel a lot better. I think I could play," he replies.
::sigh::
Of course, it's too late now. Emmett's not on the roster.
But the moral of this story is not that I was right. Emmett really wasn't well enough to play and was still listless and coughing by the end of the game. He certainly wasn't well enough to pitch, which is really what the team needed to win. He might have helped in the field and at bat (though I also don't think he could've really run the bases effectively), but our only hope to win was to pitch Noah for three and Emmett for three.
As for the game itself, Noah only gave up one run in the first three innings. Their pitcher gave up none. We're down 1-0 in the fourth inning and Nathan comes in to pitch. And they hammer him. They're smoking the ball over our outfielder's heads. And the ball (as it does) relentlessly sought out our less able fielders all game. Line drive right at John - bounces off his glove. (John had a particularly bad game, where he also made two bad throws back to the pitcher after a play, that went wildly to the fence and baserunners advanced, later to score.) Line drive to Josh G. at third, that goes in his glove and plops out. Oy. It's dismal. We give up three runs. We're down 4-0.
We get some back in the bottom of the fourth, on a key RBI hit by Aidan. He's been a hitting machine in the last part of season, making more contact than anybody except Emmett (though Emmett's hitting much harder). Albert gets two more big RBIs. Score is 4-3. There is hope.
Josh GW comes into pitch the fifth inning. He's wild. It keeps going to coach pitch, and they tee off. We give up another four runs. This is when our defense breaks down. Nathan's in the outfield. Emmett's on the bench. Without one of them in the infield we just don't have that one reliable fielder who's going to make the tags, field the balls and backup the plays. It's funny what a difference it makes. Well, funny in the sense that it felt miserable to watch that inning.
Tim pulls Josh GW because he can't get the last out. He brings in Albert, who, you may remember, had his pitching debut just the previous weekend. Albert strikes out the batter. Suddenly I am cheered. Go Albert! Totally stepping up. Albert also had a key hit in our earlier mini-rally. Still, we're down 8-3.
Top of the sixth, Albert goes out to pitch and he shuts 'em down. Whoa. I mean, he's not throwing that hard, but he's acccurate and they can't hit him very well.
We got last ups. Eli leads off, fights back from an 0-2 count to get coach pitch. Hits a grounder to shortstop and burns down the line. It's a bang bang play and he gets called out. He comes back around and he's got tears in his eyes, and I pull him aside for a a second and just tell him, "You made contact and busted down the line hard. I'm proud of you. That's all you can do." Aidan comes up and gets his third hit of the day. He steals second and third and comes around to score. Nathan gets on and comes around to score. 8-5. The other team starts to look nervous.
Ellen comes up. She's been struggling at the plate for a while now. We've worked and worked with her to get her to just swing at pitches instead of taking them. She tries to bunt, and misses. Strike one. Second missed bunt attempt - strike two. We're yelling at her to swing away. She takes a close pitch for a ball. Works the count full, and it goes to coach pitch. Tim goes out to pitch, and he can't find the strike zone. It's a very long at bat. And then, Ellen rips a line drive out past the centerfielder! She rounds first and I tell her to take second since the fielders aren't even to the ball yet, she runs to second and I'm yelling, "Slide, slide!" and she tippytoes into the bag and gets tagged out on a close play.
She's mildly miffed by this and seems unimpresed by her fantastic hit, which has all the coaches gibbering with happiness. It was our longest hit of the day. Josh G. makes the last out, but at least he goes down swinging. I'm feeling a little bounce at the bottom. We fought back to make it 8-5, and gave the other team a scare. And we'd beaten them last week, so we knew we were capable of doing it with out best squad on the field.
But Nathan's taking it hard. He's with his parents, crying after the game. I just wanted to console him so much. He might've regressed a bit as a pitcher during the year, getting increasingly hittable, but he's still one of our two best all-around players and a joy to have on the team.
Mostly I felt better. It was clear that Emmett really couldn't play that day. Just bad timing for a cold. And I was so proud of Albert for coming in and pitching so well for us in a key game with so little exerience. And excited about Ellen's big hit.
We're having a team picnic on Thursday evening at La Loma park to say goodbye and I hope I get to talk to each of them and tell them how much I enjoyed coaching them this year, and how proud I was of their accomplishments.
Side note: Most of the game I was distracted and miserable. Feeling bad about the whole situation with Emmett and his Mom, and also feeling bad for our kids while they made mistakes in the field and looked down. I didn't feel like a particularly good Dad or coach that day. But before the sixth inning, Eli's Mom called me over and said very sweetly, "Whenever the team was getting down today, you always said the right thing. You never put more pressure on them after a mistake, but encouraged them and tried to get them to focus on the next play. You'd see one of them with their shoulders drooping in the field after an error and always said something that seeemed to help them out." That was very nice to hear.
Baseball's not over for Emmett though. He had his first practice with the Tournament Team last night.