i talk in circles 'round you on my bed
just before i fall asleep and when im really bored i ........... laydown and think for awhile until i fall into a semihypnotic state of subconciousness, some call it daydreaming, some call it just spacing out. but i feel like im not here and it doesnt matter because im sick of putting myself in boring situations and conversations, just everyday basic sitcom happenings, some call it thinking but when im in this particular state of mind i forget to think and it becomes strictly observatory. i notice things very sensitively like if i focus really hard i can see small transparent blotches of debris on the outer shell of my eyes. and can only follow it as my eye moves downward. its like, watching film footage of amoeba or jelly like plankton under a microscope. and when i close my eyes and look up to the sun the bright orange redness radiates an intense picture of blood cells or what i think are blood cells. and they are moving very rapidly and again i can only focus for so long before my eyes strain and i have to look away from the sun into a pillow and rub my eyes hard then i see tiny spheres of sparkiling light, some call them stars, which only stay for a second then as my eyes focus again amongst the water or tears from rubbing i open then look up to the sky away from the sun and forget about stupid fucking little squiggly things moving on the outer laver of my eyes or the close up blood cells in my eyelids and i stare at the sky with perrifial vision and not trying but just happening to make out all kinds of faces objects statues in the clouds and i can do the same with the wood grain of the panelling on my walls. once i saw jesus on a tortilla shell. and then i saw this necklace that i always see. its silver and has a charm on the end of it. a charm of what i dont know. but its the same necklace that you always had to move around because it would get stuck in your hair. and so what.