Fuck this!
OK so why am I writing this? well for one, I need to vent; two I need to get my thoughts together. But why on xanga? xanga is a public bloging system that allows people to journal,communicate,and open up to the world wide web. SO WHY THE HELL AM I POSTING MY LIFE FOR THE WORLD TO READ?! well, there's only one. I suppose my actions in the recent two weeks have left me here wearing my heart on my sleeve.
so here we go....
Today was pretty lousy simply because of my emotion. I cant begin to understand how heedless I have become. Over the past two weeks I have almost shamefully fallen for this superficial idea of who a certain guy is. I barely know this guy, but Every time I hear his name or see him down the hall my heart skips a beat, and in consequence, proper judgment eludes me. OY AND TIME ICK! Time never seems to be consistent or umm, pliant. I wish time would be by my side, I’ve grown out right tired of chasing it and I’m finally ready to give myself a brake. My somnolent state of being has taken me nowhere in my quest for happiness with another however, and I dare think I have painted an impression of stupidity upon myself. In addition to all of this mess, friends have persuaded me to rush into something that should never be rushed. I do feel somewhat dejected. Just as one may turn a switch on darkness, so suddenly a sadness swarms above my head in a swarthy cloud.
I was talking to a good friend of mine about this on the red line. I told her I can never remember what I want to say when I ‘m with this person. She came back with a rather genus response that proves I need work on putting my focus on others when it comes to socializing. My friend asked me what I want him to say to me. Now I’m left to try to answer that question in the most honest way possible.
My mind is in a jumble. I have approached this from the start with the middle of the equation. There is no way of seeing the solution of my problem. All I know is i’m sick of being empty handed .
so here we go....
Today was pretty lousy simply because of my emotion. I cant begin to understand how heedless I have become. Over the past two weeks I have almost shamefully fallen for this superficial idea of who a certain guy is. I barely know this guy, but Every time I hear his name or see him down the hall my heart skips a beat, and in consequence, proper judgment eludes me. OY AND TIME ICK! Time never seems to be consistent or umm, pliant. I wish time would be by my side, I’ve grown out right tired of chasing it and I’m finally ready to give myself a brake. My somnolent state of being has taken me nowhere in my quest for happiness with another however, and I dare think I have painted an impression of stupidity upon myself. In addition to all of this mess, friends have persuaded me to rush into something that should never be rushed. I do feel somewhat dejected. Just as one may turn a switch on darkness, so suddenly a sadness swarms above my head in a swarthy cloud.
I was talking to a good friend of mine about this on the red line. I told her I can never remember what I want to say when I ‘m with this person. She came back with a rather genus response that proves I need work on putting my focus on others when it comes to socializing. My friend asked me what I want him to say to me. Now I’m left to try to answer that question in the most honest way possible.
My mind is in a jumble. I have approached this from the start with the middle of the equation. There is no way of seeing the solution of my problem. All I know is i’m sick of being empty handed .