Spooning
Tonight after work I found a spoon in my pocket. Left over from sweeping, I had shoved it in there unceremoniously, only to discover it on the way to my car, in the darkness of the parking lot.
"Fuck work," I thought. Grimacing, or smiling, I threw that damn spoon as far as I could. Which ended up being about 40 feet, right next to my car. I got there, picked up the spoon, stared at the little bastard and smirked out how unblemished it was. It seemed so smug, in the sodium lights. All orange, and shining--not a bit of grit in it. I threw the damn thing again, aiming for the dumpster, and of course missed.
I turned around to find one of my servers staring at me while talking on his cell phone within his car. Apparently he had watched the entire debacle, and I can only guess what he thought. I gave a little wave, got in my car, and recited my after work mantra: Fuck me.
I've decided there's definitely something wrong with my life. Both socially, and emotionally, I am presenting myself wrongly to the world, and to myself. I've been trying so hard get myself out there, and to get people to notice me, but no one does. I don't know if I'm just scaring them off, or what, but it's the shits around here. And I'm sick of it. Maybe I'll just try to cool down for awhile, see if anyone notices me when my camoflauge is on.
Searching blind in the steel mill.
Last day of filming tomorrow. Thank God. And then...the haircut!! Yes! That, more than anything else, will probably have the greatest impact upon my entire viewpoint on life. I love cutting my hair. It's like I get to remove every vestige of the last 6 months, which is about how long I've had my hair at this length. And I am SOOOOOO excited. Holy shit. Yes.
Some guy told me that, for most phenotypes, physical symmetry falls on a bell curve. Thus, more people have an average look, then the gorgeous or ugly people. But apparently in red heads there's some crazy gene that focuses our phenotypes to fall either grossly asymmetrical (ugly), or incredibly symmetrical (pretty). I thought this was pretty bogus, but when you think about, how many average looking red heads have you seen? 1 or 2? Maybe? They're either BUTT ugly, or they're a step away from beautiful. Poor red heads. I also read, and this is a fact, that red heads are, genetically speaking, mostly blonde, except for a tiny activator that changes the hair pigment. I thought that was pretty freaking rad. I actually felt a thrill of pride when i realized that I was actually a blonde in sheeps clothing. Then I felt really dirty.
I've got some obscene phone bill that won't reveal itself to either myself or my father, we just know that its for $170.00 and it hasn't been paid.
i ate so many grapes today, I should be shitting vines. I guess i was a little vegetation starved.
I need to get work off on Friday, but I have this sickening feeling that that will be impossible. And that pisses me off.
I think this all needs to be over with.
-S.
"Fuck work," I thought. Grimacing, or smiling, I threw that damn spoon as far as I could. Which ended up being about 40 feet, right next to my car. I got there, picked up the spoon, stared at the little bastard and smirked out how unblemished it was. It seemed so smug, in the sodium lights. All orange, and shining--not a bit of grit in it. I threw the damn thing again, aiming for the dumpster, and of course missed.
I turned around to find one of my servers staring at me while talking on his cell phone within his car. Apparently he had watched the entire debacle, and I can only guess what he thought. I gave a little wave, got in my car, and recited my after work mantra: Fuck me.
I've decided there's definitely something wrong with my life. Both socially, and emotionally, I am presenting myself wrongly to the world, and to myself. I've been trying so hard get myself out there, and to get people to notice me, but no one does. I don't know if I'm just scaring them off, or what, but it's the shits around here. And I'm sick of it. Maybe I'll just try to cool down for awhile, see if anyone notices me when my camoflauge is on.
Searching blind in the steel mill.
Last day of filming tomorrow. Thank God. And then...the haircut!! Yes! That, more than anything else, will probably have the greatest impact upon my entire viewpoint on life. I love cutting my hair. It's like I get to remove every vestige of the last 6 months, which is about how long I've had my hair at this length. And I am SOOOOOO excited. Holy shit. Yes.
Some guy told me that, for most phenotypes, physical symmetry falls on a bell curve. Thus, more people have an average look, then the gorgeous or ugly people. But apparently in red heads there's some crazy gene that focuses our phenotypes to fall either grossly asymmetrical (ugly), or incredibly symmetrical (pretty). I thought this was pretty bogus, but when you think about, how many average looking red heads have you seen? 1 or 2? Maybe? They're either BUTT ugly, or they're a step away from beautiful. Poor red heads. I also read, and this is a fact, that red heads are, genetically speaking, mostly blonde, except for a tiny activator that changes the hair pigment. I thought that was pretty freaking rad. I actually felt a thrill of pride when i realized that I was actually a blonde in sheeps clothing. Then I felt really dirty.
I've got some obscene phone bill that won't reveal itself to either myself or my father, we just know that its for $170.00 and it hasn't been paid.
i ate so many grapes today, I should be shitting vines. I guess i was a little vegetation starved.
I need to get work off on Friday, but I have this sickening feeling that that will be impossible. And that pisses me off.
I think this all needs to be over with.
-S.