Five Times Brendon Cried
Title: Five Times Brendon Cried
Author: heavyhart
Rating: PG
Pairing: Gen (implied Ryan/Keltie, Brendon/Shane)
Summary: Like the title says.
Notes: 1,279 words. Written for anon_lovefest
He doesn't cry when he leaves. Things are tense--his dad yells and Brendon yells back and his mom has tears in her eyes--but he doesn't cry, just clenches his jaw. And leaves.
It isn't until he's taking a shower in cool water a week later, enjoying ten minutes of peace before he has to go back and work double shifts at the smoothie place, leaving him just enough time for a half hour nap and then back to school in the morning. It isn't until he's standing there with the water beating down on his skin that he chokes on a sob and starts crying helplessly all of a sudden, falling to the shower floor and wrapping his arms around his knees. The water mixes with his tears and he almost can't breathe, he's sobbing so hard, like his heart is being ripped from his chest.
Ryan finds him forty minutes later and pulls him out of the shower, wrapping a towel around Brendon's shivering body and hugging him tightly, letting Brendon sob into his shoulder. Brendon's whole body aches and he clings to Ryan. Ryan presses his face against Brendon's cheek, rubs his back, tells him it's okay. Brendon doesn't know if Ryan gets it, but he thinks that Ryan would probably get it better than anyone.
Ryan makes Brendon tea later and they never bring it up again. But whenever Brendon's feeling sad, overworked--he calls Ryan and asks him to come over. Ryan always does.
-
"He used to--he used to tell me how proud he was, just before. Just a few months ago. I didn't think he cared, but. He hated the computer, and he'd still email me and apologize and." Ryan stops, listening to Brendon's heartbeat. Brendon tightens his arms around Ryan's shoulder, hugs him closer to his body. "He didn't have to apologize. I always forgave him. For everything. I was mad, but he's my dad, you know? I wish--I wish I could've told him that."
Brendon feels tears stinging his eyes and kisses Ryan's hair. He thinks about his own dad, his mom, and he vows to tell them how much he loves them when he sees them at the funeral.
"I'm sure he knew, Ryan. He--I know you don't, but--he knows now." Ryan looks up at Brendon and Brendon flushes because he's crying and Ryan's not. But Ryan smiles softly and leans up so he can kiss Brendon on the cheek.
"Thanks."
Brendon nods. The tears dry on Brendon's cheeks and they fall asleep together, Ryan's ear pressed to Brendon's chest, right over his heart.
-
"A million. A million." Brendon's kind of breathless, standing there and blinking as people take pictures. "Ryan, that's--our music is--"
"I know, idiot," Ryan says with this huge, goofy smile. He puts his arm around Brendon's shoulders and hugs him. "That's huge."
Brendon laughs, wraps his arms around Ryan and hugs him back tightly. He thinks he might be crying, just a little, tears filling his eyes because their album went platinum. Jon comes over and grabs Brendon around the waist, dragging him away as Brendon laughs. He sees Spencer come over and lean his head into Ryan's.
"A million," Brendon repeats breathlessly. This is the biggest thing he's ever been a part of, and his heart is so fucking full right now. They did this. Brendon kisses Jon on the cheek wetly and fumbles for his phone in his pocket, dialing home.
-
"Shane, there's--there are so many things that could get her. Fuck, what if she runs into the woods? She's so small, Shane, she's never going to--"
"Brendon," Shane interrupts, voice calm. Too fucking calm. "We're looking for her, okay? She's going to be fine. It's a big farm but she's a smart dog."
Brendon wants to throw the phone across the room, he's so upset. It's not Shane's fault, he knows that, but. Dylan's just a puppy still. And of course Brendon has to be in fucking Europe where there's nothing he can do.
"Call me when you find her," Brendon mumbles. He hates it when his voice breaks.
"Brendon, don't worry. She's fine. I'll call you."
"I know," Brendon says, trying to calm down. He hangs up and stands in the bunk aisle with his phone in his hands. He doesn't want to worry, there's nothing he can do. He's vaguely aware of a wetness on his cheeks and rubs his sleeve over his eyes, frustrated at himself for crying.
"Brendon?"
Brendon bites his lip, keeps his head down. "Dylan's missing. On Shane's parents' farm. She... I guess she was running around and they can't find her, and they have all this fucking corn and there's woods nearby and--"
Ryan steps forward, touching Brendon's shoulder gently. "Hey. It's okay to be worried. Did you already talk to Shane?"
Brendon nods, wiping his face again and letting Ryan pull him into his arms. He leans his head against Ryan's shoulder and sighs. "They'll find her. She means a lot to Shane too, you know."
Brendon sniffles and closes his eyes. He does know. He'll call Shane back later. And maybe buy some weird dog toys while they're overseas. He has to make sure Dylan still loves him most when he gets back, no matter how many treats Shane sneaks her.
-
Brendon holds her like she's going to break if he breathes too hard. Ryan would tease him but he understands that, how precious she feels in your arms. And he maybe watches Brendon a little more closely when she's in his arms.
"She's so perfect," Brendon whispers, completely in awe. "A tiny, tiny person. And you two, you--you made this."
Ryan glances over at Keltie and smiles. When he turns back to Brendon he notices that his eyes are wet, wide and sparkling with unshed tears. "Brendon?"
Brendon shakes his head, places his index finger in the baby's palm. She's mostly asleep but her little fingers still curl around his finger reflexively. Ryan reaches out without thinking and brushes away the few tears that have rolled down Brendon's cheeks.
"You can have this too," Ryan says quietly, stroking over the back of the baby's hand that's curled around Brendon's finger.
Brendon laughs a little. "Maybe someday."
"You can, Brendon, if you want us to--"
"Somehow," Brendon interrupts, not looking away from the sleeping baby in his arms. "Somehow she's more important than anything we've ever done, you know? Than anything we could ever do. It's like, everything is just--" Brendon stops suddenly, closing his eyes and leaning down so he can kiss her forehead. Ryan's heart twists a little and Brendon carefully gives the baby back to Keltie. He gets up and puts on his coat.
"Where are you going?"
Brendon turns back and smiles, and Ryan's glad to see it isn't forced, even if Brendon's eyes are still a little wet. "To get this girl some tiny musical instruments. I need to start spoiling her early, right? And--and to talk to Shane."
Ryan smiles back, exchanges a quick look with Keltie. "Good luck."
"Thanks. Take care. When she wakes up, can you--tell her I said hi, okay?"
Ryan nods. "Love you," he says quietly, but loud enough for Brendon to hear.
Brendon's face freezes for a moment and Ryan can tell he's trying to hold back tears. After all these years, and Brendon still doesn't want to cry in front of him. "Love you too."
After Brendon leaves, Ryan reaches back and takes Keltie's hand. Brendon will figure things out. He always does.
Author: heavyhart
Rating: PG
Pairing: Gen (implied Ryan/Keltie, Brendon/Shane)
Summary: Like the title says.
Notes: 1,279 words. Written for anon_lovefest
He doesn't cry when he leaves. Things are tense--his dad yells and Brendon yells back and his mom has tears in her eyes--but he doesn't cry, just clenches his jaw. And leaves.
It isn't until he's taking a shower in cool water a week later, enjoying ten minutes of peace before he has to go back and work double shifts at the smoothie place, leaving him just enough time for a half hour nap and then back to school in the morning. It isn't until he's standing there with the water beating down on his skin that he chokes on a sob and starts crying helplessly all of a sudden, falling to the shower floor and wrapping his arms around his knees. The water mixes with his tears and he almost can't breathe, he's sobbing so hard, like his heart is being ripped from his chest.
Ryan finds him forty minutes later and pulls him out of the shower, wrapping a towel around Brendon's shivering body and hugging him tightly, letting Brendon sob into his shoulder. Brendon's whole body aches and he clings to Ryan. Ryan presses his face against Brendon's cheek, rubs his back, tells him it's okay. Brendon doesn't know if Ryan gets it, but he thinks that Ryan would probably get it better than anyone.
Ryan makes Brendon tea later and they never bring it up again. But whenever Brendon's feeling sad, overworked--he calls Ryan and asks him to come over. Ryan always does.
-
"He used to--he used to tell me how proud he was, just before. Just a few months ago. I didn't think he cared, but. He hated the computer, and he'd still email me and apologize and." Ryan stops, listening to Brendon's heartbeat. Brendon tightens his arms around Ryan's shoulder, hugs him closer to his body. "He didn't have to apologize. I always forgave him. For everything. I was mad, but he's my dad, you know? I wish--I wish I could've told him that."
Brendon feels tears stinging his eyes and kisses Ryan's hair. He thinks about his own dad, his mom, and he vows to tell them how much he loves them when he sees them at the funeral.
"I'm sure he knew, Ryan. He--I know you don't, but--he knows now." Ryan looks up at Brendon and Brendon flushes because he's crying and Ryan's not. But Ryan smiles softly and leans up so he can kiss Brendon on the cheek.
"Thanks."
Brendon nods. The tears dry on Brendon's cheeks and they fall asleep together, Ryan's ear pressed to Brendon's chest, right over his heart.
-
"A million. A million." Brendon's kind of breathless, standing there and blinking as people take pictures. "Ryan, that's--our music is--"
"I know, idiot," Ryan says with this huge, goofy smile. He puts his arm around Brendon's shoulders and hugs him. "That's huge."
Brendon laughs, wraps his arms around Ryan and hugs him back tightly. He thinks he might be crying, just a little, tears filling his eyes because their album went platinum. Jon comes over and grabs Brendon around the waist, dragging him away as Brendon laughs. He sees Spencer come over and lean his head into Ryan's.
"A million," Brendon repeats breathlessly. This is the biggest thing he's ever been a part of, and his heart is so fucking full right now. They did this. Brendon kisses Jon on the cheek wetly and fumbles for his phone in his pocket, dialing home.
-
"Shane, there's--there are so many things that could get her. Fuck, what if she runs into the woods? She's so small, Shane, she's never going to--"
"Brendon," Shane interrupts, voice calm. Too fucking calm. "We're looking for her, okay? She's going to be fine. It's a big farm but she's a smart dog."
Brendon wants to throw the phone across the room, he's so upset. It's not Shane's fault, he knows that, but. Dylan's just a puppy still. And of course Brendon has to be in fucking Europe where there's nothing he can do.
"Call me when you find her," Brendon mumbles. He hates it when his voice breaks.
"Brendon, don't worry. She's fine. I'll call you."
"I know," Brendon says, trying to calm down. He hangs up and stands in the bunk aisle with his phone in his hands. He doesn't want to worry, there's nothing he can do. He's vaguely aware of a wetness on his cheeks and rubs his sleeve over his eyes, frustrated at himself for crying.
"Brendon?"
Brendon bites his lip, keeps his head down. "Dylan's missing. On Shane's parents' farm. She... I guess she was running around and they can't find her, and they have all this fucking corn and there's woods nearby and--"
Ryan steps forward, touching Brendon's shoulder gently. "Hey. It's okay to be worried. Did you already talk to Shane?"
Brendon nods, wiping his face again and letting Ryan pull him into his arms. He leans his head against Ryan's shoulder and sighs. "They'll find her. She means a lot to Shane too, you know."
Brendon sniffles and closes his eyes. He does know. He'll call Shane back later. And maybe buy some weird dog toys while they're overseas. He has to make sure Dylan still loves him most when he gets back, no matter how many treats Shane sneaks her.
-
Brendon holds her like she's going to break if he breathes too hard. Ryan would tease him but he understands that, how precious she feels in your arms. And he maybe watches Brendon a little more closely when she's in his arms.
"She's so perfect," Brendon whispers, completely in awe. "A tiny, tiny person. And you two, you--you made this."
Ryan glances over at Keltie and smiles. When he turns back to Brendon he notices that his eyes are wet, wide and sparkling with unshed tears. "Brendon?"
Brendon shakes his head, places his index finger in the baby's palm. She's mostly asleep but her little fingers still curl around his finger reflexively. Ryan reaches out without thinking and brushes away the few tears that have rolled down Brendon's cheeks.
"You can have this too," Ryan says quietly, stroking over the back of the baby's hand that's curled around Brendon's finger.
Brendon laughs a little. "Maybe someday."
"You can, Brendon, if you want us to--"
"Somehow," Brendon interrupts, not looking away from the sleeping baby in his arms. "Somehow she's more important than anything we've ever done, you know? Than anything we could ever do. It's like, everything is just--" Brendon stops suddenly, closing his eyes and leaning down so he can kiss her forehead. Ryan's heart twists a little and Brendon carefully gives the baby back to Keltie. He gets up and puts on his coat.
"Where are you going?"
Brendon turns back and smiles, and Ryan's glad to see it isn't forced, even if Brendon's eyes are still a little wet. "To get this girl some tiny musical instruments. I need to start spoiling her early, right? And--and to talk to Shane."
Ryan smiles back, exchanges a quick look with Keltie. "Good luck."
"Thanks. Take care. When she wakes up, can you--tell her I said hi, okay?"
Ryan nods. "Love you," he says quietly, but loud enough for Brendon to hear.
Brendon's face freezes for a moment and Ryan can tell he's trying to hold back tears. After all these years, and Brendon still doesn't want to cry in front of him. "Love you too."
After Brendon leaves, Ryan reaches back and takes Keltie's hand. Brendon will figure things out. He always does.