(no subject)
why are we all here? are we seeking validation from each other? what leads us to express here and abandon our personal hand written journals? my head is a swirl of contradictions. attempting to abandon myself to chaos, to insanity, to irrationality. not feeling pleased thus far, or capable of loving myself as insane through the eyes of others. looking for someone to see me, so i can better see myself. feeling fruitless in my efforts, knowing why and not being pleased with that either."don't look there, look within". ok easy to say... begin.. here? searching for a holding bay for my thoughts, projecting them onto others for relief of personal responsibility, feeling displeased with this also. feeling displeased with generally.. everything.
everything feels like a grand scheme, an illusion, a matrix. even now my typing is deliberate and odd, but i am propelled to express and i ask myself why? maybe i'm hopeful that it will bring relief, or purpose. the chance of validation will provide definition to my chaos and act as an anchor? always wanting, looking for something from another that i find hard to provide for myself. when will i feel safe? when will i be without the need to feel safe? i think i'll finish here.
everything feels like a grand scheme, an illusion, a matrix. even now my typing is deliberate and odd, but i am propelled to express and i ask myself why? maybe i'm hopeful that it will bring relief, or purpose. the chance of validation will provide definition to my chaos and act as an anchor? always wanting, looking for something from another that i find hard to provide for myself. when will i feel safe? when will i be without the need to feel safe? i think i'll finish here.