Fic: A Very Long Shopping Trip, 1/1
Rating: All.
Characters/Pairing: Ten, Rose.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: She is examining different packets of cereal when there is a loud crash and he reappears, his manic glee replaced by - well, something even more manic and gleeful, if she’s honest, and she’s suddenly very, very aware that they are not going to get to the dairy aisle any time today.
Notes: Written for the onetrueshipfest with the prompt "Shopping. The Doctor gets kicked out of a store for enthusiastic tasting."
Rose had resolved to just buy milk, but she will admit that if she had seriously been planning on only that she should have insisted that the Doctor stayed in the TARDIS. As it is, she is pushing a very full trolley around the aisles with the Doctor continually disappearing for a few moments and then bounding back to throw something else in. They haven’t even got to the dairy aisle yet.
‘Is that chocolate pasta?’ she asks incredulously, staring at his latest find. He turns back to her.
‘What, that? The thing I’ve just put in? Yes. It will be nice, don’t you think?’
‘Yeah... Doctor, we don’t actually need any of this stuff.’
‘We do. Of course we need it. We need food, and chocolate pasta is food.’ He gives her a look that suggests he has just presented her with an absolutely watertight piece of logic and dashes off again.
She is examining different packets of cereal when there is a loud crash and he reappears, his manic glee replaced by - well, something even more manic and gleeful, if she’s honest, and she’s suddenly very, very aware that they are not going to get to the dairy aisle any time today.
‘What have you done?’ she demands. He grabs her hand.
‘Actually, now you come to mention it, none of this stuff is really that necessary, is it? Didn’t think so. We should run now.’
They are followed as far as the door; finally the irate staff member gives up and simply yells about how long it’s going to take him to clear up the loaves of bread they’ve left lying all over aisle four.
‘I like that,’ Rose pants as they slam the TARDIS door. ‘I wasn’t even involved.’
‘Perhaps you look the type,’ he muses.
‘Oh, shut up,’ says Rose.
~~~~
They catch their breaths and try again. The Doctor absolutely guarantees that not only have they landed on a day when the man who chased them is not working, but that he’ll be on his very best behaviour.
So far, he’s keeping his word. He stays at her side and the only thing that he gets in addition to the milk is a bunch of bananas. He eats one as they head towards the back of the shop, staring sadly at all the delicious and unusual treats he’d put in the trolley the first time. Rose pats his arm.
‘Next time,’ she says. ‘I promise. How were you actually planning to pay for all that stuff, anyway?’
He taps his nose and she laughs. She’s a few paces ahead of him before she realises he’s stopped.
‘What -’
He sighs and picks something up off the shelf - the chocolate pasta. He waves the packet at her and gives her an appealing look. Damn him. He knows full well she can’t resist that look.
‘We really just need -’ she begins, but there is a shout from behind her.
‘Stop, thief!’
They both look at the security guard and then up and down the aisle. There is definitely no one else there.
‘What, us?’ the Doctor asks. ‘We haven’t stolen anything!’ He goes to put the bag of pasta back on the shelf, as if to prove a point.
‘Just hand over the banana and this won’t have to get nasty,’ the security guard says threateningly as he advances on them.
‘The - this?’ The Doctor stares at the offending fruit, his other arm dropping back to his side. ‘This is my banana!’
‘Have you paid for it, sir?’
‘Well, no, but I’m going to.’
‘Going to! Like I haven’t heard that before.’
The Doctor looks from the banana to the man a couple of times before shuffling over to Rose.
‘Erm,’ he says softly, ‘I’m sort of of the opinion that we should maybe be thinking about heading swiftly in the opposite direction.’
Rose sighs. ‘Oh, fine.’
‘Sorry,’ the Doctor says loudly, tossing the half-eaten banana to the other man, and the two of them run full pelt back to the TARDIS.
‘What the hell was that all about?’ Rose demands. The Doctor looks at the monitor.
‘Ah,’ he says. ‘Well. It seems this supermarket went through a phase where you absolutely were not allowed to eat on the way around.’
‘And you just happened to land us right in the middle of it?’
‘Well, closer to the beginning really,’ he starts, then sees the look on her face, ‘but I don’t suppose that’s really important, is it? No, what’s important is that it doesn’t happen again. And it won’t happen again, I can promise you.’
‘I hope so,’ she says. ‘I really just want a cup of tea.’
‘Cheer up,’ he says. ‘Look what I forgot to put back.’
And he takes the bag of chocolate pasta out of his pocket.
~~~~
‘You can return the pasta,’ Rose says, aware that she is taking an enormous risk by actually making him go off on his own, ‘I’ll get the milk. We’ll meet at the checkouts in ten minutes, ’kay?’
‘Okay,’ he says. She is almost convinced as she watches him go that they are going to get through the supermarket just fine this time.
To her surprise, he is already in the dairy aisle when she gets there, leaning against one of the cabinets and chewing thoughtfully.
‘What are you doing?’ she demands. ‘I thought you said you weren’t allowed to eat food before your bought it. What are you eating, anyway?’
‘They’ve abolished that rule now, and it’s cheese,’ he answers, showing her the packet. ‘But here’s the thing. This one says “Finest Mature Cheddar”. And this one -’ he shows her another packet ‘- also says “Finest Mature Cheddar.’
She stares at him.
‘I had to check,’ he continues, ‘for research purposes. They can’t both be the finest and clearly the people who make each cheese haven’t bothered to sit down together and discuss it, so I’m working it out for them.’
‘So now we have to buy two packets of cheese?’ she clarified.
‘Well, yes. But at least the mystery will be solved, eh?’
‘You two!’ someone yells, and they turn to see the same shop assistant who chased them out the first time.
‘Oh, for god’s sake,’ Rose mutters.
The contents of their trolley is confiscated and they are given a lifelong ban before being thrown unceremoniously out the door.
‘So much for third time lucky,’ Rose says, as the TARDIS dematerialises yet again.
~~~~
The fourth time, they land well into the future and because the Doctor says there’s a very, very, very slim chance that someone might recognise them again, they go in the back door.
‘It could be less... y’know, suspicious-looking,’ Rose remarks, as the sonic screwdriver blows up the lock in a flurry of sparks.
‘Suspicious?’ he cries, holding the door open for her. She shushes him. ‘Suspicious?’ he repeats in a whisper. ‘Never.’
‘Right,’ Rose says. ‘We get milk. We pay. We leave.’
‘Check, check, checkity-check,’ he says happily. ‘We’re going to do it this time; I can feel it.’
‘Yeah, well, don’t speak too soon.’
It becomes apparent as soon as they reach the dairy aisle and see a man standing there with a platter full of cheeses to taste that he has indeed spoken far, far too soon.
‘Doctor, don’t -’ Rose tries to say, but he’s already gone, engaging the girl with the platter in a conversation about how certain cheese companies should really make sure they’ve got their facts straight before they start throwing superlatives around.
She still thinks they might be able to salvage this, but the conversation turns to an incident a little while ago when some nutter came and started eating all the cheeses, and the Doctor is not quite able to prevent himself from telling her indignantly that opening two packets of cheese in order to resolve a very important issue does not count as eating all the cheeses, and they find themselves running out the door again.
‘We should maybe try a different supermarket,’ says the Doctor.
Characters/Pairing: Ten, Rose.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: She is examining different packets of cereal when there is a loud crash and he reappears, his manic glee replaced by - well, something even more manic and gleeful, if she’s honest, and she’s suddenly very, very aware that they are not going to get to the dairy aisle any time today.
Notes: Written for the onetrueshipfest with the prompt "Shopping. The Doctor gets kicked out of a store for enthusiastic tasting."
Rose had resolved to just buy milk, but she will admit that if she had seriously been planning on only that she should have insisted that the Doctor stayed in the TARDIS. As it is, she is pushing a very full trolley around the aisles with the Doctor continually disappearing for a few moments and then bounding back to throw something else in. They haven’t even got to the dairy aisle yet.
‘Is that chocolate pasta?’ she asks incredulously, staring at his latest find. He turns back to her.
‘What, that? The thing I’ve just put in? Yes. It will be nice, don’t you think?’
‘Yeah... Doctor, we don’t actually need any of this stuff.’
‘We do. Of course we need it. We need food, and chocolate pasta is food.’ He gives her a look that suggests he has just presented her with an absolutely watertight piece of logic and dashes off again.
She is examining different packets of cereal when there is a loud crash and he reappears, his manic glee replaced by - well, something even more manic and gleeful, if she’s honest, and she’s suddenly very, very aware that they are not going to get to the dairy aisle any time today.
‘What have you done?’ she demands. He grabs her hand.
‘Actually, now you come to mention it, none of this stuff is really that necessary, is it? Didn’t think so. We should run now.’
They are followed as far as the door; finally the irate staff member gives up and simply yells about how long it’s going to take him to clear up the loaves of bread they’ve left lying all over aisle four.
‘I like that,’ Rose pants as they slam the TARDIS door. ‘I wasn’t even involved.’
‘Perhaps you look the type,’ he muses.
‘Oh, shut up,’ says Rose.
~~~~
They catch their breaths and try again. The Doctor absolutely guarantees that not only have they landed on a day when the man who chased them is not working, but that he’ll be on his very best behaviour.
So far, he’s keeping his word. He stays at her side and the only thing that he gets in addition to the milk is a bunch of bananas. He eats one as they head towards the back of the shop, staring sadly at all the delicious and unusual treats he’d put in the trolley the first time. Rose pats his arm.
‘Next time,’ she says. ‘I promise. How were you actually planning to pay for all that stuff, anyway?’
He taps his nose and she laughs. She’s a few paces ahead of him before she realises he’s stopped.
‘What -’
He sighs and picks something up off the shelf - the chocolate pasta. He waves the packet at her and gives her an appealing look. Damn him. He knows full well she can’t resist that look.
‘We really just need -’ she begins, but there is a shout from behind her.
‘Stop, thief!’
They both look at the security guard and then up and down the aisle. There is definitely no one else there.
‘What, us?’ the Doctor asks. ‘We haven’t stolen anything!’ He goes to put the bag of pasta back on the shelf, as if to prove a point.
‘Just hand over the banana and this won’t have to get nasty,’ the security guard says threateningly as he advances on them.
‘The - this?’ The Doctor stares at the offending fruit, his other arm dropping back to his side. ‘This is my banana!’
‘Have you paid for it, sir?’
‘Well, no, but I’m going to.’
‘Going to! Like I haven’t heard that before.’
The Doctor looks from the banana to the man a couple of times before shuffling over to Rose.
‘Erm,’ he says softly, ‘I’m sort of of the opinion that we should maybe be thinking about heading swiftly in the opposite direction.’
Rose sighs. ‘Oh, fine.’
‘Sorry,’ the Doctor says loudly, tossing the half-eaten banana to the other man, and the two of them run full pelt back to the TARDIS.
‘What the hell was that all about?’ Rose demands. The Doctor looks at the monitor.
‘Ah,’ he says. ‘Well. It seems this supermarket went through a phase where you absolutely were not allowed to eat on the way around.’
‘And you just happened to land us right in the middle of it?’
‘Well, closer to the beginning really,’ he starts, then sees the look on her face, ‘but I don’t suppose that’s really important, is it? No, what’s important is that it doesn’t happen again. And it won’t happen again, I can promise you.’
‘I hope so,’ she says. ‘I really just want a cup of tea.’
‘Cheer up,’ he says. ‘Look what I forgot to put back.’
And he takes the bag of chocolate pasta out of his pocket.
~~~~
‘You can return the pasta,’ Rose says, aware that she is taking an enormous risk by actually making him go off on his own, ‘I’ll get the milk. We’ll meet at the checkouts in ten minutes, ’kay?’
‘Okay,’ he says. She is almost convinced as she watches him go that they are going to get through the supermarket just fine this time.
To her surprise, he is already in the dairy aisle when she gets there, leaning against one of the cabinets and chewing thoughtfully.
‘What are you doing?’ she demands. ‘I thought you said you weren’t allowed to eat food before your bought it. What are you eating, anyway?’
‘They’ve abolished that rule now, and it’s cheese,’ he answers, showing her the packet. ‘But here’s the thing. This one says “Finest Mature Cheddar”. And this one -’ he shows her another packet ‘- also says “Finest Mature Cheddar.’
She stares at him.
‘I had to check,’ he continues, ‘for research purposes. They can’t both be the finest and clearly the people who make each cheese haven’t bothered to sit down together and discuss it, so I’m working it out for them.’
‘So now we have to buy two packets of cheese?’ she clarified.
‘Well, yes. But at least the mystery will be solved, eh?’
‘You two!’ someone yells, and they turn to see the same shop assistant who chased them out the first time.
‘Oh, for god’s sake,’ Rose mutters.
The contents of their trolley is confiscated and they are given a lifelong ban before being thrown unceremoniously out the door.
‘So much for third time lucky,’ Rose says, as the TARDIS dematerialises yet again.
~~~~
The fourth time, they land well into the future and because the Doctor says there’s a very, very, very slim chance that someone might recognise them again, they go in the back door.
‘It could be less... y’know, suspicious-looking,’ Rose remarks, as the sonic screwdriver blows up the lock in a flurry of sparks.
‘Suspicious?’ he cries, holding the door open for her. She shushes him. ‘Suspicious?’ he repeats in a whisper. ‘Never.’
‘Right,’ Rose says. ‘We get milk. We pay. We leave.’
‘Check, check, checkity-check,’ he says happily. ‘We’re going to do it this time; I can feel it.’
‘Yeah, well, don’t speak too soon.’
It becomes apparent as soon as they reach the dairy aisle and see a man standing there with a platter full of cheeses to taste that he has indeed spoken far, far too soon.
‘Doctor, don’t -’ Rose tries to say, but he’s already gone, engaging the girl with the platter in a conversation about how certain cheese companies should really make sure they’ve got their facts straight before they start throwing superlatives around.
She still thinks they might be able to salvage this, but the conversation turns to an incident a little while ago when some nutter came and started eating all the cheeses, and the Doctor is not quite able to prevent himself from telling her indignantly that opening two packets of cheese in order to resolve a very important issue does not count as eating all the cheeses, and they find themselves running out the door again.
‘We should maybe try a different supermarket,’ says the Doctor.