always (1/1)
Title: Always
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama/Romance
Pairings or Characters: Dean/Cas (can be taken as pre-slash, sorta)
Warnings: spoilers for 6x22
Word Count: 1449
Summary: Dean finally says the right thing.
Author Notes: Coda fic to 6x22, inspired by an alleged leaked script page (now pretty assuredly fake) with a line that was just TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.
Always
Dean's not in Kansas anymore. Literally. The building, the walls with the dog blood painted on them, Sam, Bobby and Cas are all gone. He's alone in a white room, and for a second, he thinks he's dead. But then a door swings open that wasn't there before and Cas strolls through it, walking easily in Dean's direction as the door disappears, and Dean figures he can't be dead yet if Cas still has to torture him first.
"Where's Sam? What did you do?"
"Nothing. Yet."
"I thought you wanted us to bow down or whatever."
Cas shrugs, as if the idea no longer appeals. "You clearly had no intention of doing so."
"So, what? You put me in time out? Is that what this place is?"
Cas' eyes squint tighter and his head tilts a bit to the side, and the gesture stings worse than Dean is ready for. This isn't Cas, even if he's wearing the same face and using the same voice. This is someone else, filled with too many souls, all too old and too poisonous for even an angel to endure.
"This is my warning for you, Dean. As a favor, to a friend."
Dean looks around blankly, wondering if the warning is that he's going to spend the rest of eternity alone in a big, white room. That probably would drive him crazy, but he'd find a way out. Somehow. Maybe.
"This room isn't your punishment," Cas sighs suddenly, reading Dean's mind. Dean jerks back as if Cas just took a swing at him, hands clenching at his sides. Cas is using his new powers on Dean and he hates it, feeling violated and gutted all at once.
"Then what is?"
"I have siblings to punish. Then your family. Then the people on Earth who don't believe. And I'm going to make you watch," Cas says simply, like he's talking about the weather. Dean gawks, because there's nothing much else to do. The floor beneath them goes from opaque to transparent and a blinding light bleeds upwards. Dean covers his eyes instinctively, but the light is starting to burn through his clothes, through his skin, eager to blind him, but before it can, there's a hand on the back of his neck and the light isn't so bright anymore. Slowly, Dean peeks out from behind his arms and sees odd shapes made of moving light, lined up in rows upon rows beneath them.
"Are those-"
"Angels," Cas says, hand slipping off of Dean's neck, leaving his skin cold. Dean's head snaps upwards and he stares back at Cas who is looking fondly down at his siblings. He tilts his head, snaps his fingers, and the light underneath them goes out in a flash, leaving nothing below but dust laid out in the shape of wings.
"Cas-" Dean breathes, the air in his lungs strangling him from inside, "Cas, why did you- how many did you just-"
"They were disobedient," Cas says, still so casual, so light, so easy it makes Dean sick, "They wanted to bring back the apocalypse. They followed Raphael. But Dean, I have made my message clear. Your way is now Heaven's way."
Dean's ready to vomit, coughing and hunching over, eyes blurring with tears as the floor starts to go opaque again, the angel wings fading from view.
"Will you still not love me? As your friend? As your God?"
"You don't get it. No. No. Damn it, Cas, no," Dean coughs, and the floor suddenly clears again, but it's not the remains of angels he sees. It's Bobby and Sam, in what looks like separate rooms, writhing in pain. "What are you doing? Cas, what are you going to do to them?" Dean asks, straightening back up, panic pushing every other thought to the back of his mind.
"Their punishment is next."
"Stop it. Cas, you have to stop. This isn't you, okay, this can't be you. I'm begging you here, man, don't do it. Please, don't fucking do it," Dean says, stepping forward into Cas' space and grabbing hold of him, ignoring every instinct screaming at him not to. "You don't get it. You can't do this. You can't."
"Of course I can."
"No, Cas, you can't. Because if you do, I'll have to kill you."
Cas looks amused more than anything, and it cuts into Dean, making his chest hurt like there's a vice wrapped around him, closing tighter and tighter and breaking his ribs one-by-one as it goes.
"That's what you want, isn't it." It isn't a question. Cas thinks it's the truth, and it'd make Dean laugh if they were anywhere but here, doing anything but this. For an omniscient God, he sure is an idiot. "You'd rather me dead than Sam, or even Bobby-a man who shares no blood with you-though you claim to love me as your family."
"That's not it, you ass," Dean grunts, because it's not, that was never it. His voice falls quiet and cracks as he speaks, his hands shaking where they're gripping tightly into Cas' trench coat. "That's not it. Every future I imagined... every good future-not those stupid 'apple pie life' dreams, where I kept living with Lisa, who barely put up with me, and Ben, who thought too much of me, but the really good ones... you were always in them. Always."
Cas' eyes widen in surprise and he starts to look a mix of terrified and desperate as he stares at Dean. Dean knows that look. Cas is starting to doubt, the fear and uncertainty slowly etching their way across his face.
"You're lying," Cas says slowly, shaking his head, "You're just saying that so I won't kill them." His eyes glance down to the space below them, Sam and Bobby still suffering in their prisons. But Dean doesn't look away. He grabs Cas tighter and tugs until Cas looks back at him.
"No, I'm saying it 'cause I don't want to lose you. Not again."
"B-But you said no," Cas says, voice losing it's calm, and the sound of it is so glorious, Dean feels the vice unclench and the air slowly pour back into his lungs, filling his chest up with lightness. "I asked you to love me and you said no."
"As a God," Dean points out and Cas blinks, starting to understand. "I haven't been shy about pointing out my feelings for the last God and his useless ass. But Cas, I don't want you up here, high on soul juice, bringing in some kind of new world order, because I do... y'know. Love you, and all that crap. You don't have reorganize Heaven, especially not for me. And I don't want you to kill my family, because that would mean losing you, too, and I don't want that. So please. Please, don't do it. I will beg until I can't say another word, and then I'll beg some more if that's what it takes. Just don't do this."
Cas stares for what feels like eternity before moving his hand slowly at his side. Dean glances down, looking through the floor to see Sam and Bobby slowly sitting up, looking fine. Dean lets out a laugh, the lightness starting to worm outward from his chest, infecting his arms and his legs and making him feel like he's floating. He smiles and looks back up, Cas' eyes still on him. Dean can see him now. It's really Cas behind those eyes, and it makes Dean smile bigger.
"Do you still need the souls?" Dean asks after a minute or two of silent grinning. Cas looks hesitant, doubtful, but Dean's feeling too light, too confident, to be able to worry, like he's just won the lottery or gotten the girl-or guy-of his dreams to say yes to the big question. Maybe, in a way, he has. After a few more beats, Cas slowly shakes his head, and with a loud rush of air, the souls leave, floating away to make their own Heavens.
"Dean?"
"Yeah," Dean says, finally letting go of Cas' coat. He doesn't leave Cas' space, though, too relieved and too comfortable to bother caring about personal space.
"In these... futures," Cas starts slowly, and Dean laughs, watching as Cas' face turns from doubtful to hopeful.
"Yeah, Cas, what about 'em?"
"Do we... do we still love each other? Are we still family?"
Dean laughs again and slaps Cas on the back before sliding his arm across his shoulders. This is the Cas he missed. This is the Cas he thought he'd lost.
"Always," Dean assures, squeezing his arm around him tight.
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama/Romance
Pairings or Characters: Dean/Cas (can be taken as pre-slash, sorta)
Warnings: spoilers for 6x22
Word Count: 1449
Summary: Dean finally says the right thing.
Author Notes: Coda fic to 6x22, inspired by an alleged leaked script page (now pretty assuredly fake) with a line that was just TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.
Always
Dean's not in Kansas anymore. Literally. The building, the walls with the dog blood painted on them, Sam, Bobby and Cas are all gone. He's alone in a white room, and for a second, he thinks he's dead. But then a door swings open that wasn't there before and Cas strolls through it, walking easily in Dean's direction as the door disappears, and Dean figures he can't be dead yet if Cas still has to torture him first.
"Where's Sam? What did you do?"
"Nothing. Yet."
"I thought you wanted us to bow down or whatever."
Cas shrugs, as if the idea no longer appeals. "You clearly had no intention of doing so."
"So, what? You put me in time out? Is that what this place is?"
Cas' eyes squint tighter and his head tilts a bit to the side, and the gesture stings worse than Dean is ready for. This isn't Cas, even if he's wearing the same face and using the same voice. This is someone else, filled with too many souls, all too old and too poisonous for even an angel to endure.
"This is my warning for you, Dean. As a favor, to a friend."
Dean looks around blankly, wondering if the warning is that he's going to spend the rest of eternity alone in a big, white room. That probably would drive him crazy, but he'd find a way out. Somehow. Maybe.
"This room isn't your punishment," Cas sighs suddenly, reading Dean's mind. Dean jerks back as if Cas just took a swing at him, hands clenching at his sides. Cas is using his new powers on Dean and he hates it, feeling violated and gutted all at once.
"Then what is?"
"I have siblings to punish. Then your family. Then the people on Earth who don't believe. And I'm going to make you watch," Cas says simply, like he's talking about the weather. Dean gawks, because there's nothing much else to do. The floor beneath them goes from opaque to transparent and a blinding light bleeds upwards. Dean covers his eyes instinctively, but the light is starting to burn through his clothes, through his skin, eager to blind him, but before it can, there's a hand on the back of his neck and the light isn't so bright anymore. Slowly, Dean peeks out from behind his arms and sees odd shapes made of moving light, lined up in rows upon rows beneath them.
"Are those-"
"Angels," Cas says, hand slipping off of Dean's neck, leaving his skin cold. Dean's head snaps upwards and he stares back at Cas who is looking fondly down at his siblings. He tilts his head, snaps his fingers, and the light underneath them goes out in a flash, leaving nothing below but dust laid out in the shape of wings.
"Cas-" Dean breathes, the air in his lungs strangling him from inside, "Cas, why did you- how many did you just-"
"They were disobedient," Cas says, still so casual, so light, so easy it makes Dean sick, "They wanted to bring back the apocalypse. They followed Raphael. But Dean, I have made my message clear. Your way is now Heaven's way."
Dean's ready to vomit, coughing and hunching over, eyes blurring with tears as the floor starts to go opaque again, the angel wings fading from view.
"Will you still not love me? As your friend? As your God?"
"You don't get it. No. No. Damn it, Cas, no," Dean coughs, and the floor suddenly clears again, but it's not the remains of angels he sees. It's Bobby and Sam, in what looks like separate rooms, writhing in pain. "What are you doing? Cas, what are you going to do to them?" Dean asks, straightening back up, panic pushing every other thought to the back of his mind.
"Their punishment is next."
"Stop it. Cas, you have to stop. This isn't you, okay, this can't be you. I'm begging you here, man, don't do it. Please, don't fucking do it," Dean says, stepping forward into Cas' space and grabbing hold of him, ignoring every instinct screaming at him not to. "You don't get it. You can't do this. You can't."
"Of course I can."
"No, Cas, you can't. Because if you do, I'll have to kill you."
Cas looks amused more than anything, and it cuts into Dean, making his chest hurt like there's a vice wrapped around him, closing tighter and tighter and breaking his ribs one-by-one as it goes.
"That's what you want, isn't it." It isn't a question. Cas thinks it's the truth, and it'd make Dean laugh if they were anywhere but here, doing anything but this. For an omniscient God, he sure is an idiot. "You'd rather me dead than Sam, or even Bobby-a man who shares no blood with you-though you claim to love me as your family."
"That's not it, you ass," Dean grunts, because it's not, that was never it. His voice falls quiet and cracks as he speaks, his hands shaking where they're gripping tightly into Cas' trench coat. "That's not it. Every future I imagined... every good future-not those stupid 'apple pie life' dreams, where I kept living with Lisa, who barely put up with me, and Ben, who thought too much of me, but the really good ones... you were always in them. Always."
Cas' eyes widen in surprise and he starts to look a mix of terrified and desperate as he stares at Dean. Dean knows that look. Cas is starting to doubt, the fear and uncertainty slowly etching their way across his face.
"You're lying," Cas says slowly, shaking his head, "You're just saying that so I won't kill them." His eyes glance down to the space below them, Sam and Bobby still suffering in their prisons. But Dean doesn't look away. He grabs Cas tighter and tugs until Cas looks back at him.
"No, I'm saying it 'cause I don't want to lose you. Not again."
"B-But you said no," Cas says, voice losing it's calm, and the sound of it is so glorious, Dean feels the vice unclench and the air slowly pour back into his lungs, filling his chest up with lightness. "I asked you to love me and you said no."
"As a God," Dean points out and Cas blinks, starting to understand. "I haven't been shy about pointing out my feelings for the last God and his useless ass. But Cas, I don't want you up here, high on soul juice, bringing in some kind of new world order, because I do... y'know. Love you, and all that crap. You don't have reorganize Heaven, especially not for me. And I don't want you to kill my family, because that would mean losing you, too, and I don't want that. So please. Please, don't do it. I will beg until I can't say another word, and then I'll beg some more if that's what it takes. Just don't do this."
Cas stares for what feels like eternity before moving his hand slowly at his side. Dean glances down, looking through the floor to see Sam and Bobby slowly sitting up, looking fine. Dean lets out a laugh, the lightness starting to worm outward from his chest, infecting his arms and his legs and making him feel like he's floating. He smiles and looks back up, Cas' eyes still on him. Dean can see him now. It's really Cas behind those eyes, and it makes Dean smile bigger.
"Do you still need the souls?" Dean asks after a minute or two of silent grinning. Cas looks hesitant, doubtful, but Dean's feeling too light, too confident, to be able to worry, like he's just won the lottery or gotten the girl-or guy-of his dreams to say yes to the big question. Maybe, in a way, he has. After a few more beats, Cas slowly shakes his head, and with a loud rush of air, the souls leave, floating away to make their own Heavens.
"Dean?"
"Yeah," Dean says, finally letting go of Cas' coat. He doesn't leave Cas' space, though, too relieved and too comfortable to bother caring about personal space.
"In these... futures," Cas starts slowly, and Dean laughs, watching as Cas' face turns from doubtful to hopeful.
"Yeah, Cas, what about 'em?"
"Do we... do we still love each other? Are we still family?"
Dean laughs again and slaps Cas on the back before sliding his arm across his shoulders. This is the Cas he missed. This is the Cas he thought he'd lost.
"Always," Dean assures, squeezing his arm around him tight.