Real Conversations

[heavenslaughing]

He slapped his buddy's ass with a resounding clap as he assumed position at the urinal beside him.

"Fag, don't do that. You make me feel gay."
"How's that feel?"
"Bad."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. But not as bad as the fact that I can't pee."
"Huh."
"Yeah."
"How's Claudia?"
"Ask her boyfriend."
"Huh."
"Yeah."
"How's she in bed?"
"Real good."
"How does that feel?"
"Real bad."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, but not as bad as the fact that I can't pee."

......

She bumped into her gal pal again. "Oh my god, how is the red line this crowded, it's 1am!"
"That's what you get when you're 18 with no car."
"Oh my god!"
"You have something between your teeth."
"What?"
"It'll look like you're gap-toothed if you don't get it out."
"You have to get it out for me!"
"What?"
"Use your thumb! You have to get it out!"
"Get it out yourself! Yeah, there. No. No, up. Use your thumbnail. No, it's in the middle. No..."
"You have to get it out for me!"
"No way! Try sucking. OK. No. Huh. Try blowing."
"Oh my god, you have to get this out for me!"
"I'm not going to stick my thumb in your mouth."
"You totally have to."
"...OK. OK... ... here it is."
"Wow, it's really big."
She wiped it on her friend's dress with no evident protest.