"...gone as the seasons, she's taken..."
It seems that some things never change. There are some things that no matter where I am, how old I am, or what I'm doing...they remain constant. There's a feeling I often have...this creeping anxiety that hits me at lonely moments or times of sadness...the feeling of being left alone.
But it's not just that, and it's taken me until now to realize more specifically what it is. It's the fear of being forgotten.
My nightmares have reoccuring themes of the people I love the most having no idea who I am. I can't count the number of times I've had nightmares where I'm frantically trying to convince my mother who I am. Why is that? What am I so insecure about? Is it that I think I'm afraid I'm not worth remembering? I don't understand.
That's what hurts the most, though. When the people you love do forget about you, when they go on about their lives as though you had never existed...I've dealt with that more than once; I'm no stranger to its inexplainable sting of twisting, nauseating pain.
You know that sick, cold feeling you get in the pit of your stomach for whatever reason? You want to shiver and vomit all at the same time. It's a little like that...being forgotten, losing something you can't replace.
This isn't some all-depression, engrossing feeling I encounter on a daily basis. No, no, not at all. It's one of those childish fears that swallows you whole in moments you can rarely expect. I know I'm not the only person in the universe who's ever been afraid of losing the people they care the most about.
Alright, Coffee Talk is over. In the meantime, watch Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind.
But it's not just that, and it's taken me until now to realize more specifically what it is. It's the fear of being forgotten.
My nightmares have reoccuring themes of the people I love the most having no idea who I am. I can't count the number of times I've had nightmares where I'm frantically trying to convince my mother who I am. Why is that? What am I so insecure about? Is it that I think I'm afraid I'm not worth remembering? I don't understand.
That's what hurts the most, though. When the people you love do forget about you, when they go on about their lives as though you had never existed...I've dealt with that more than once; I'm no stranger to its inexplainable sting of twisting, nauseating pain.
You know that sick, cold feeling you get in the pit of your stomach for whatever reason? You want to shiver and vomit all at the same time. It's a little like that...being forgotten, losing something you can't replace.
This isn't some all-depression, engrossing feeling I encounter on a daily basis. No, no, not at all. It's one of those childish fears that swallows you whole in moments you can rarely expect. I know I'm not the only person in the universe who's ever been afraid of losing the people they care the most about.
Alright, Coffee Talk is over. In the meantime, watch Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind.