WAH WAH WAH!!!!
i havent had a bitch fest in a while. so here we go, dont go mad while reading....
In all the years I have reveled in being me, from the stepping stones of naivety to slipping and cracking my head, I have yet to let go of simple mistakes made. Such insignificant memories that would be so easy to forget in an ordinary persons life are grudgingly hard to be rid of in mine. My life has moved on from the past, and yet, a spark of nostalgic influence provokes the memories to wake again. In a way, I am the embodiment of hypocrisy. I tell others so much to move on with their lives, and yet, you find yourself at square one in my shoes. Its pathetic…. I AM PATHETIC!! Why do other peoples actions, or lack thereof, scar the deepest recesses of our hearts, whether we say we car, or don’t care. In an effort to control my heart, my emotions, and my thoughts, I trick and lie to myself to put the pain in a cage and lock it in a dark room, where I intend to keep it forever. But the irony in that is every once in a while, I will take a moment to revisit and look at the caged beasts that I call painful memories. Like a zoo, like my own sadistic zoo, in which to trick myself into believing that I have learned something, when I should just leave them there locked away and never look at them again. But there is such beauty in pain. A lot of people don’t see it or choose to look away, but its like a drug my eyes, because it makes the good in life look that much brighter. Or sometimes I like to thrive in its misery, and enjoy the self-torment. This is the real me. This is Jude. The confident person is but a mere shadow of what I want myself to be, like a shell, a thick one. But with all these things out in the open, there is hope, hope that I get myself out of this twisted maze of me, and get to me. Confusing? Good, you should be stumped… ehheehehehhehe.
In all the years I have reveled in being me, from the stepping stones of naivety to slipping and cracking my head, I have yet to let go of simple mistakes made. Such insignificant memories that would be so easy to forget in an ordinary persons life are grudgingly hard to be rid of in mine. My life has moved on from the past, and yet, a spark of nostalgic influence provokes the memories to wake again. In a way, I am the embodiment of hypocrisy. I tell others so much to move on with their lives, and yet, you find yourself at square one in my shoes. Its pathetic…. I AM PATHETIC!! Why do other peoples actions, or lack thereof, scar the deepest recesses of our hearts, whether we say we car, or don’t care. In an effort to control my heart, my emotions, and my thoughts, I trick and lie to myself to put the pain in a cage and lock it in a dark room, where I intend to keep it forever. But the irony in that is every once in a while, I will take a moment to revisit and look at the caged beasts that I call painful memories. Like a zoo, like my own sadistic zoo, in which to trick myself into believing that I have learned something, when I should just leave them there locked away and never look at them again. But there is such beauty in pain. A lot of people don’t see it or choose to look away, but its like a drug my eyes, because it makes the good in life look that much brighter. Or sometimes I like to thrive in its misery, and enjoy the self-torment. This is the real me. This is Jude. The confident person is but a mere shadow of what I want myself to be, like a shell, a thick one. But with all these things out in the open, there is hope, hope that I get myself out of this twisted maze of me, and get to me. Confusing? Good, you should be stumped… ehheehehehhehe.