I am not nervous...I just feel dorky standing there naked

Feb 23, 2004 11:30

Today was a long day. I woke up and got ready super speedy, I was really proud! lol then Jer Jer came to pick me up and we went to school. Wow I love that kid. I have never laughed so much in the morning. Hey Jer make sure you get that haircut soon before you get hurt! And 8 minutes! wow! So I went to school...first hour was boring, Zach went on a high fiving spree...funny kid. Nothing at all happened second or third hour. Lunch was spent with thee Lisa Rinard...I love that girl. Fourth hour was kinda odd today. Kasey and I are not really on speaking terms and I sit by her so yea you know. And Ashley and me had some in depth conversations. Then it was Pankow time...I got to spend time with the one and only Jacob...lmao I love that kid. And he loves me...hmm hmm Bianca!!! Did you read that, me me me, NOT YOU! So I went to law enforcement first...and I was fanning my face with my papers and the teacher asked me if I was warm but I just told him no his classroom smells...it was so funny. Then I went to culinary arts...and all the other people thought it was like painting... it was funny and Kara thought it was farming lol. Then lastly,agriscience...BORING! Then on the way back to school, I was with Jay!! hehe I love my lil Jay Petey! Then I went to Renee's after school with Bianca... we ate and hung out then went to practice. It was alright I guess...we just worked on round 1 for Wednesday. So then my mom picked me up and we went to my dad's work...I love that place lol...I love the smell and how you cant hear one single thing! HAHA NOT! No I really did love it though...it was like when I was young I used to go to work with my dad. Then me and my dad left and went tanning...Nikki Mystic tanned lmao...then we went out to eat, fun fun. So now I am here...I just watched Uptown Girls....sad sad movie. Great though. I am going to bed soon...after I finish all my homework. I have to leave at 6:10 for school tomorrow...wow...that reminds me of how Jer thinks 6:55 is early to get to school...try 6:30 tomorrow.

*you* ha you are a joke...so tell me how all those other girls are, you know since each day you like to tell a new girl you have a crush on them...yea yesterdays yet just became a NEVER.

I sit here and look at myself
At what I never was and will never be
I can't look past the memories
The guilt and the pain
The hopes and the dreams that seem so far out of reach
I want to be the girl that you idolize
The person you want to be
The friend you look to for all eternity
But I can never be more than I am now
Who am I?
I am the girl who walks with her head down
And her eyes intent on the groud
Never looking up at the world around her
Never facing reality
Never looking into the worlds judgmental eyes
I am the girl who never speaks her mind
Afraid of what others may think
Afraid I will make no sense
Afraid you will not listen to what I have to say
I am the girl behind the curtain
Wanting to be accepted by the audience
Wanting to play the lead role
Wanting to bow in the end and raise her head with pride
But I know inside that what I want is nothing but a reality outside my grasp
I am what I have made myself
I am who I am
But I do not like me
I hate myself
Why cant I take it all back
I want to step on stage and scream to the world
This is me
Take me as I am
And if even then world, you choose not to accept me
I will know inside
That my self pride and individual worth has grown
And then maybe I can truly
Love myself
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