Some Bullshit....
Alright all you people out there in Live Journal land! I have got a wonderful story for you!! Now as my friends now, I recently got out of a relationship with Ricky Strevel, and as you all know from some of my posts, he didnt treat me the best either. Well, my dear dear friend Hillery thinks I am a bitch for posting about the fun times I have been having at Bema Jojo's and the new friends I made, and the old ones I have been reaquainted with and everything, because I did not mention, her, Courtney, Emily or Beth.Which I do believe is pretty stupid and insecure, and she also thinks I am a bitch, because these posts in my myspace and my journal, and my info on AIM because I am "tearing Ricky down one half and up the other" as she so kindly put it. Well I told her I dont give a shit what I am doing to Ricky, because anything I am doing is NOWHERE near anything close to what he has done to me! And I am not even doing anything purposely to hurt him, I am just moving on with my life and hanging out with new and old friends. I see absolutely no problem in that. Because hell, Ricky put me through some SERIOUS shit, and I am still trying to get over it, even though I was never actually "in love" with Ricky, I did love him, and he did take part in a hunk of my life, so the shit he did to me did take its toll on me. Anyways, Ricky decided to let the world know how big of a bitch I am and how I am going to change Jon into a "Cornered Dog" or something, because that is what I did to him....But boy did he leave out many many details. He funnily left out all the bad things he did to me....which is pretty funny I do believe. Anyways, I am posting it for your entertainment, its funny how many people dislike Ricky for many of the things he has done. And how many people would love to kick his ass haha..... and Jon doesnt like him for the basic fact that he sat down and took the time out to write this just to make me look bad....it is quite amusing....
Monday, September 19, 2005
So heres a little story....
Current mood:
numb
The following is long so be prepared to read. It’s for those of you who want the full story of Sherri and me
OK…. so people aren’t getting the full story? Well then, lets give it to them. And I mean everything…
I met Sherri Dias on our graduation night. June 14th 2004. I met her through her friend Stephanie Dickie. Stephanie approached me that night and we hung out together and Sherri was with her. Well I started talking to Stephanie in the weeks following and we hung out a few times. I quickly realized how Stephanie treated people. She used them to get what she wanted and then stopped talking to them. The experience that led me to believe this was as follows…
Stephanie invited me to the mall with her. So I accepted. Well Sherri and Tim Moore ended up going as well; Which I didn’t have a problem with because they were cool. But what I didn’t know when I went was that Stephanie actually was trying to hook up with Tim at the same time. I learned about this that day…I felt betrayed… and stopped talking to Stephanie and went on with my life.
After me and Stephanie stopped talking, I continued to talk to Sherri online. She had Instant Messaged me one night to ask me what the situation was with me and Stephanie…this was when me and Stephanie were still talking…. but anyways…I continued to talk to Sherri. I enjoyed getting to know her and talk to her online. Sherri also came to the park with Alex, her brother, quite a bit to. So I got to see her there and hang out too. We talked online mostly, about everything. She confided in me when Stephanie acted like “a bitch”… in her own words…. and ditched her in the weeks up to Stephanie leaving for Utah. She was upset about how such a good friend could get so pissed off and leave without saying anything. Sherri healed though and became tougher for it…mentioning things like… ”The only good thing to come out of Stephanie was meeting you” I felt the same way for how Stephanie treated me. That was really the first thing that we were able to talk about and bond on. We started hanging out more and more. And come July 2004 we were pretty good friends. It was at this point that I started developing feelings for her. But I didn’t tell her of them right away.
Well the beginning of July was very rough for Sherri. I cant say why…because I made a PROMISE I would never tell anyone what happened…. and I never broke that promise…. not even with how things are now…but anyways…. it was a rough month and some things had happened that she regretted. She felt betrayed. I wanted to be there for her as much as possible… so I talked to her online for as long as I could and gave her whatever advice I thought would help. In the end some stuff I told her helped her out, I guess. She went on to tell me how much she appreciated me and how much I helped her through that situation. I was happy I was able to help her… because I didn’t want her to feel upset and feel depressed. I helped her out with a situation that hurt her.
In the conversations following I told her that I had feelings for her…. and she thought that that I was a sweet caring guy that wasn’t insensitive. She told me I was caring and that I was a big change from the guys she normally hooked up with. I was a nice guy. Not sounding conceited but I treated people with respect and did things for them unselfishly. So I told her I had feelings for her, but she didn’t know if she had them for me... Which is understandable, after her past with Stephen and the time after Stephen. So I didn’t really pursue going out with her and I told her that I would wait for her to heal. Instead I just tried to be there for her and help work out things that were holding her back from a relationship…this took about 3 months. Those 3 months were some of the most fun for us as a couple. We did a lot together and we started to rely on each other quite a bit. I was always there for her. If she was having a bad day, she told me that just talking to me would cheer her up. I took her out as much as possible…we went up the mountains a few times, we went to the mall and hung out, the lake, and we went to the movies a lot too. We had a blast every time. I believe that was the peak of our relationship. I tried at first to be just a friend…but over time she told me that she liked me too.
It was then when I brought her flowers at least once every 2 weeks…
Now the date is October 24, 2004…me and Sherri have been acting like a couple for a couple months now … and we are still not officially together…. due to her unresolved Stephen issues…It was a night Sherri had come over to hang out and we watched a movie... but as she was leaving…. she told me that she was now ready for a relationship. That she wanted to go out with me. I was over-joyed and that started our relationship…. 3 months after I told her I had feelings for her.
We were like any couple, we had our fights and we worked through them. For the first 4 months or so we didn’t fight a lot, but we didn’t not fight a lot either. We came out a lot stronger too. It was hard trying to talk to her too. Sherri was still not completely open with me when she was upset. That hindered her a lot when it came time for us to talk. I never knew how she completely felt about the situation, so I could never work things out with her. That is one thing that really made our fights hard to work out. Even though it was hard to get through the fights, I told her I would give her time to open up. She told me she needed the time to open herself up to me, because of what had happened in her relationship with Stephen. Now I will admit, waiting for her to open up was very hard. Its hard to talk to someone when they cant tell you exactly how they feel. But I did it. I did it for her…because I was starting to fall in love with her. I wanted to wait for her so that we could be together.
So I waited for her to open up, and at the same time I was trying to help her open up…giving her suggestions such as emailing me when she was upset, or writing it down. None of it set in for a while though. But I still stood by her and waited…waited for her to open up to me completely…so that we could work things out peacefully. Its so hard to act like an adult, and calmly talk about something, when the other person is raising their voice and interrupting you. It’s even harder when you are trying to be patient with the person and work with them through the fight. Now it’s the hardest, especially, after 7 months, and they’re still not opening up.
When we weren’t fighting we were constantly together. I worked not far from her house at this point so I was over there almost every day, or she would come to see me. In this time I had fallen head over heels for Sherri..even though we did have some rough fights. But I relied on her. She got me through the loss of my grandmother…which was really hard. She helped me out a lot. And still I continued to get her flowers as much as I could., even though some weeks I didn’t have a lot of money because of bills. But I enjoyed doing it. I got her one rose for our first anniversary and 2 for our second and so on and so on until about our 7th anniversary..when things started getting rough….but even before that I started to give up. She acted like it wasn’t anything special and I noticed that when I gave her new flowers….the old ones would still be there…dead and rotting. I don’t know if its just me, but that starts to seem like its not appreciated…more like a hassle for her, because she ahs to clean them up. So near the end I gave up on it… I lost that passion to get her flowers…she killed that part of me that wants to be romantic….
So, I had waited and waited and waited even more for her to open up…. and I saw little progress. She did write me a few times by email…and I would respond back..but she stopped responding…she wrote me a letter once or twice but only after the fight had been resolved. Now in the time while I was waiting, I was taking all the harsh things that she said to me while we fought; Things that she didn’t mean but said because she was mad. I asked her later on when we weren’t fighting to not say things like that, but she still did. So it continued to happen…and gradually she wore off on me….much how she picked it up from Stephen…I started acting like her…arguing and saying stupid childish things like her…I didn’t used to argue like that. I used to act adult and talk my problems out calmy….she killed that part of me that made me want to work things out peacefully
Sherri used to have some pretty days between getting sick, her parents, and her job at the café. So I would try and go over there some nights after I was dead from working. I didn’t mind, I enjoyed going to see her, even though it was a long drive. Well one night, on our 4th anniversary, I was dead from work, I mean to the point where I could go to sleep anywhere. But I had to go see my “googily bears” (my name for her). So I went over and hung out for a while and while I was there we talked a little and watched some TV. I ended up leaving about 4 hours later around
9-ish. In the 4 hours it had started to snow and the roads were somewhat bad…especially the road I take home. Sherri was very worried about me driving and made sure that I call her as soon as I got home. Well I told her I would drive safe and that I would call her. So I left and took my time and got about 2 miles from her house…. but one hill got the best of my truck. I ended up sliding off the road, hitting an embankment, flattening one of my tires and getting stuck in the ditch. It was scary to say the least. I tried getting my truck out but it was no hope. So as tired as I was from work, I ended up walking back to a Chelsea Kelley’s house, which was probably half a mile in the snow. I got there and luckily Jared and her dad Otis were still awake. I also asked Chelsea to call Sherri and tell her what happened and that I was all right. So luckily I was able to get pulled out by Otis and Jared but, I still had to go through fixing my flat…. in the snow and mud now…. That took like an hour, due to how weird Toyota spare wheels are loaded under the bed, and not having a good place to change it at… It was about 11 30 when I was packed up, had said my thanks to the Kelley family and was about to leave. Now being as tired as I was most people would go right home…. But since I was only a mere 2 miles away…. I actually backtracked. I went back to Sherri’s house to tell her that I was all right, and that I was just mentally shaken up. I wanted to calm her because I thought that she would’ve been worried. So I went back, to find that she was stoned… instead of making some kind of attempt to make sure her boyfriend was all right, she got high with Josh Woodard instead. I was crushed to say the least. I felt betrayed, like my own girlfriend didn’t care about me. So I had it…. at that point I wanted to end it…and this was in February, 4 months before we broke up for good. So the next day came I told her I needed to talk to her. Sherri met me and I had every intention to break up with her. There was nothing at that time that I wanted more than to forget that pain that I had been put through the following night. It was on that hour long truck ride that Sherri said she was sorry, that she didn’t know it would happen, and that she did not mean to hurt me… but I didn’t care. I wanted to still end it. She begged and pleaded for another chance while she was now in tears. I was totally against it; Even when she offered to give up smoking, without me mentioning that. Yes I did say that I did not want to be with someone that smoked…but she offered to quit…THAT WAS HER OFFER…and it was Sherri who went against herself and changed for a guy…. because I never asked her to quit. I only told her I would never stay with someone that smoked. In the end I stayed with her…for this reason, it showed to me that she was trying to work things out for us. I thought that was proof that things were going to change... i.e. the fights. I was wrong though. But in taking her back, I also did something I told myself I never would do, I gave a girl a second chance.
It’s now about April…and do I have to go farther…We all lost a great man and a dear friend. Rests in Peace Steven Miller, we all love you. That was, and still is the hardest thing in my life. I felt so alone and lost after Steven passed away. And in the week following his death, Sherri and me fought. She was angry because she said that she needed to be there for her brother. Which is completely ture, and I wasn’t upset about. But I needed her too…I depended on her way too much at this point in my life. That week was hard and the fact that for the first few days of it, I had no one, made it even harder. I couldn’t understand why we couldn’t mourn together…that’s what friends do, not to mention, I had been bitter anyways because of the never ending fights, that I let it out. So we had fallout not 3 days after Stevens’s death and I told her exactly how I felt…. I felt alone…and that I didn’t have the one I needed. That killed the part of me that allowed me to rely on her…like boyfriends and girlfriends should do.
But once again we worked through that, but we were starting to grow apart in the process. It got to the point that fights didn’t bring us closer…they pushed me away…. she was killing me in every way, and I started to step back and look at my life and life in general. I started to realize that all the negative things she had said about Stephen, and how he had changed, were happening to me. But I realized something even more shocking… it wasn’t my fault…. I was acting the way I did because of my past experiences with her. The same way Stephen had apparently reacted towards the end of their relationship. What does a cornered dog do if u beat it enough times? They fight back. I was that cornered dog. I started to react to our fights, based on past experiences. Sherri had left me no other choice. I was tired of the verbal abuse and I was tired of her not opening up. I had been dwindled down to nothing. She had dwindled me down to nothing. I had no energy left to continue bearing with her, because she gave me no proof that nothing was going to change. I tried for 8 months and had seen nothing change. She killed the nice guy in me
Also, I have to throw this in there. I complimented her as much as I could. I always told her that she was beautiful and pretty and how gorgeous she was. I always tried to compliment her. And it go to the point where I would compliment her, and she would impose this question. Why are you with me? You deserve much better…. The following are actual conversations that I have saved that we had….
Shembop2004: sorry im such a bitch, and an awful girlfriend
BrAnDnewBMXR: well then you know just what to make a day worse did i say you were those??? no i didnt and you know your not so why say them???
Shembop2004: its howi feel ricky
Shembop2004: i am a bitch
BrAnDnewBMXR: so i treat u like a bitch?
Shembop2004: no
Shembop2004: i am a bitch
BrAnDnewBMXR: no you arent
Shembop2004: and i am an awful girlfriend, i cant even give u a good birthday
BrAnDnewBMXR: i tell you that
BrAnDnewBMXR: it was good
Shembop2004: i know i am......
BrAnDnewBMXR: i told you that
That wasn’t the only time she told me how bad of a girlfriend she was…
Here is another one
Shembop2004: seriouly, all the fights we have had really are because im a dumb bitch
Shembop2004: you dont need that
Shembop2004: you dont desrve that you desrve SO much better
BrAnDnewBMXR: i have what i want i dont want anything else and im content and happy with that i told you that i told you not to worry because yea my day wasnt the greatest but idc it was what i expected
Shembop2004: i just wish i could be a better person for you
Want another? OK…
Shembop2004: but i want to make you as happy as you make me
Shembop2004: and i cant!
BrAnDnewBMXR: why cant you?
Shembop2004: im not good enough for that
I could go on and on with these. But I’m sure you see where I’m going. How is it in the course of a month or 2 that she knew she was wrong and that our relationship needed work, to the point where…everything that ever happened is my fault? Its not my fault, but if blaming me is what gets her through the night then so be it. But like I said I could go on and one….and if u still don’t believe me…I have it in handwritten letters too. I keep everything.
So our last time together…in the week following Jackie’s birthday party, we started to get close again. I hadn’t felt that way on the past 2 months with her. We were getting along well, we had worked out old problems and life was good. We even planned a day…one day for us to be together…and she PROMISED me that she would set aside that day for us, which we needed. We needed that day for us to get things back on track. That would’ve been the first time in a long while that a day had been set aside for our relationship together. I had all these things I wanted to tell her and I thought that things were going to be easier. Nothing mattered but that we were together…none of that shit mattered; Only the simple truth that we loved each other.
One week later Stephanie Dickie was flying back into town. The same Stephanie whom she had talked so negatively about and said she would never want to speak to again for how she treated Sherri. But they had made mends…so I guess that was cool. Seemed really hypocritical to me though, because of all the times Sherri had expressed how she hated that kind of thing because it was so “Culpeper” But whatever… I shrugged it off and didn’t dwell on it. That kind of stuff wasn’t important to me anymore. Originally Sherri had planned to go to the last Hooligans show that night with Stephanie. But my truck had to go to the shop last minute, so I had no way to get there. I asked Tim, Phelps, and O’Malley, I knew they were all going to the show. But they all had full rides, so I told Sherri I probably wasn’t going to go to the show. It was then that she told me that I could probably hitch a ride with them to the show. I felt bad because I did not want to intrude, but she insisted. So I rode with Sherri and Stephanie to the Hooligans show. On the way she told me that she had cancelled our day together…She broke her promise…she lied again… of course I was upset…. Her best friend, the one she hated for so long, and that was going to be here almost 10 days, and she couldn’t set aside a day for her and me. So that started the night well. I get there and the whole time on the ride up Sherri is acting different… different from how she had all week. She wasn’t talking to me like a friend (because we hadn’t officially gotten back together) she was talking to me more like I was a kid. If I asked a question she got smart with her answer. It got to the point where I stopped talking because she was talking down on me with every answer. We’re now at the show and it comes out. I tell her why I’m upset and we agree to start the night over. Well she was hanging out with other people so that’s what I did. I hung out with Chelsea. I had a few drinks and watched the Hooligans final show. Afterwards, Sherri approaches me and asks for her keys. I knew immediately something was wrong. I get it out of her and she’s mad that I was hanging out with Chelsea for so long. She said that I came with her and that I didn’t even pay attention to her. So she’s getting mad at me for something that she was doing. She was hanging out with other people. Yes, I did come with her, but she had told me that she was going with Stephanie and that she would probably hang out with her a lot at the show. She told me that and said not to get upset. Where does that leave me though? If Sherri’s hanging out with other people am I supposed to tag along behind her like a dog on a leash? NO! I am not whipped and I never will be. So we had a huge final fallout that night…. and she once again back to her old ways…. she was saying things without thinking and making stupid insults…she was also smoking again too…Which once again she told me she wouldn’t do… I even asked her about it. She came back with the perfect response though. “So…were not together again!” And you know what? She was absolutely 100% right! We weren’t together. SO WHY THE FUCK DID IT MATTER THAT I WAS HANGING OUT WITH CHELSEA ALL NIGHT AND THAT I WASN’T WITH HER THAT NIGHT?!?!?! EXPLAIN THAT FUCKING REASONING. So whatever, she ripped me heart to pieces and she knew it. She knew it because she emailed me the next day asking me to bear with her while she got her shit straight and that we would talk after that. FUCK THAT! I did that once….it got us no where….for along time. I ended up getting a ride home from Matt Phelps that night, Chelsea’s boyfriend at that.
Those months were long and hard…we broke up a few times got back together. And in the end… I turned out to be the horrible person…when I tried everything. If anyone is the bad guy…I’m looking at her…. She made me the monster that I turned into, the same with how apparently Stephen changed too. Look above and see how she killed all the good boyfriend features about me. What kind of person do you expect to form out of that?
So it’s almost 2 months after our breakup, and as much as I hate it, I still love her… after everything she’s done to me and said about me. She also has a new fling, which is upsetting…not in the sense that you’re thinking though. This song comes to mind…Another One Bites the Dust…. I feel bad for her new guy Jon, I know who he is and he does seem like a nice guy. That will change though. So you be the judge….if you know Jon…watch as the transformation starts…He will change from nice guy to a cornered dog.