Happiness is a good thing! :-D
Things are def lookin up for me right now, other than all the sick stuff that is going on.
I have found a new group of people that I spend the most of my time with, which is BeMa JoJo's. I am over there all the time, its like my second home! But it is all good, because they love me. And then there is Jon, but I will get into that in a minute.
It is amazing how you find out who your true friends are. It is awful how people treat you after a big change in your life. Its sad that some of your friends, ones you thought were really good friends, totally stab you in the back. I thought I was through with the highschool drama, but if you live in Culpeper County, there is NO escaping it!! So I know who my true friends are, and as Stephanie says, being my friend, when it comes to a guy, she will ALWAYS be on my side. You should NEVER chose a guy over your friends EVER, especially if you became friends with that guy through your friend who is dating them. But whatever, I know who my true friends are. Stephanie Dicky, number one, and I know that Adrianne, Matt, Ben and Rocky have always been there. And of course everyone else, Emily, Courtney, Sarah, Matt Miller, Curtis, Jackie(I love Jackie she is awesome!!!), Matt Omalley, Alex, Tracey and a bunch others....I love you guys, thanks for sticking by me! I know you guys love me for me, and you dont look down on me for having fun!!!
Now Jon, see Jon Monroe, lives at BeMa JoJo's (he's one of the Jo's in that name I so wonderfully thought up for that house!) and I do like him a lot. I feel kind of bad because Mattosis is like in love with me, but I do not have the same feelings for him. Jon thought that me and Mattosis were just bound to happen, but I honestly could never be with him. He is one of my Best Friends and like a brother to me. And since he lives at BeMa JoJo's it is really hard for him to see me and Jon together. I had a long talk with him up on the roof yesterday at Bema JoJo's about the whole situation with me and Jon, and me and Matt. I love Matt to death, and I told him how I feel about him, and he really realizes it now that I am sort of with Jon, he sees it even more. He hurts, and I hate doing this to him, I really did not mean to do this to him at all, it all happened just so fast. I was not expecting this to happen at all, but it did. He told me some things last night also that got to me, and I dont understand why he would say things like that, but Adrianne believs that he is trying to mess me and Jon up subconsiously, like he doesnt want to, its just kind of happening. For example, dancing at Rude Rock Shows is kind of mine and Matt's thing. And Matt told me that when he talked to Jon about the situation between the 3 of us, that Jon was kind of pissed that I was dancing with Matt and at times we danced really close. But when I talked to Jon about it, he never said anything like that, he understands that that is mine and Matts thing, and it doesnt bother him. Which is AWESOME because with Ricky, all he saw was that Matt wants to get with me. Another thing said was that Matt told me that Jon said he thought I was playing head games with him, like because I didnt want a relationship right away, and everything, and he didnt want to deal with that kind of shit, because he doesnt want his head fucked with. Well I also talked to Jon about that, that is the first thing I said to him last night, I asked if he thought I was playing head games. He told me no, the only thing that crossed his mind about that is that he was always the one to take inititave, he was always the one to start things, he'd come to me, he'd sit with me, he'd kiss me fitst and such. But he told me he understands that I need time and that I need to sort of get over all this shit I went through with Ricky, and he said normally he doesnt wait for people, as he told Adrianne, if a girl doesnt want a relationship right then, then hes through. But I am different for some reason, and I have no idea why, but he told me that I was too. He said he believes it can work with us, so he is willing to wait. Matt also said that Jon thought he was only a rebound for me to get over Ricky, which is such bs....and I know Jon knows that isnt true, I asked him about that. All this stuff that I asked him about came to him as such a shock.But, I mean, Matt knew the first night I didnt sleep in his bed, I slept with Jon, he knew that I didnt have those feelings, and he said he saw me and Jon happening before anything did happen. The first night I slept in Jon's bed, I was so tired and didnt really want to go over to Matt's room because that required getting up, and I just got a massage from Matt and Jon and I was so relaxed, and it would just ruin it by getting up, and also, Matt is always all over me when I sleep in his bed, and I dont want him to think that I want that. I just want our friendship that I cherish SO much. And when I slept in Jon's bed the first time, there was nothing there, just sleeping, relaxed, and no worries about mixed feelings. But that morning, when we woke up, we sat in his room for a couple hours just talking. I had never actually talked to him before, but we clicked so well.And that is when, I believe, I started to like him.
Now Jon is a real sweetheart, and he is such an awesome person, and he is goofy and weird like me, which makes things all the better. I can be my stupid goofy self whenever and wherever and I know he wont care, hell I know he'll be right there with me having fun. And that is what I need. I need someone I can be stupid with, I need someone who wont be embarassed when I act stupid in public, or do random shit. I didnt really have that with Ricky, I'd wave to people in cars next to me and he would like it. I just can't handle that. And OMG He always gives me a massage, he loves giving people massages, and hell I love getting them. Lol! It feels soo good after coming over to his house after a long day of work. I never got massages from Ricky, so this is def a plus for me! Hehe! He tickles me right, like to where it doesnt hurt, and he doesnt do it too much either, which is good. And the fact that he is just as weird as I am makes everything SO much better! I need a weird guy, my dad is a weird weird dude, and that is what I am used to, I grew up with a weird family, so its only natural I am gonna want someone weird like me and my family! Lol. I also explained to him that I didnt want to jump into a relationship, I wanted to chill, I wanted to get to know him first. I didnt really know Ricky until after we were together, which I believe is a source of a lot of problems. Everyone I knew that knew Ricky, even his friends, were like "Wow, you and Ricky?! That is weird, that is NOT gonna work!!" and shit I guess they were right. But, a lot of people like Jon and I together, except Matt, but that is a given.Amd Jon doesnt even care about the no sex thing. He doesnt care tha I am not ready for any of that yet either. He told Adrianne "Its not even about the sex with Sherri, I am perfectly fine with just laying there and holding her...." which is totally awesome, that put a huge smile on my face when Adrianne told me that. So now, I am just sitting and waiting for my head to clear and until I get to know him a little better. And then of course there is the "Double Insurance" with Jon. He told me if he fucked up at all, he know Matt will kick his ass, and then everyone in the house would too, and he never wants to hurt me, and he knows he cant, so that makes me feel good, its a good thing to have double insurance! Because I have been told that so many times before, but it means a little more when his ass is on the line too lol. But I have a good feeling about this.
I am glad to be happy again, I am glad that I know who my true friends are and who truly care about me, and I know that true friends would never take your exboyfriend's side over yours, no matter what, especially if they know the shit that that boy put me through. Now all I need is to know what is wrong with me and I will be all set!
Cant wait to go to BeMa JoJo's tonight and see everyone, especially my Jon!!
