Smoking - Chapter 19
Title:: Smoking
Genre:: Drama
Fandom:: RPS Vam, Villinde, Dugera, Lindunn, others.
Rating:: R
Summary:: A story, reaching back to the beginning like a twisted, curling whisp of smoke from a slow burning fire.
Disclaimer::Most characters are property only of themselves; I own the storyline and the writing. This is a work of ficiton; treat it as such.
Links
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Those were the best years of my life. Honestly.
We had a record label that was interested in us. We played gigs. We got smashed. There were hundreds of girls waiting around after our shows, giggling to each other in great masses, and I could walk through the rows of them almost like I was in a supermarket and choose which one - or which group of them - I wanted that night.
And then, after a romp or three backstage, I would go home and Lily would be there, waiting for me.
Or perhaps he wasn’t merely waiting for me. But he was there. And for some reason, he never did say no to me. I asked him to kiss me, he did. I asked him to suck me off, and he was on his knees in a split second. I asked him to play something, he threw himself into learning it 110%. I asked him to cook me dinner; he’d read cook books for a day and I’d come over and be faced with a 3 course meal I couldn’t even think of finishing. And once, I even asked him to move in with me.
“Come on, Lily, it’ll save all this back and forth. You practically live here anyways.”
But at first, he just shook his head.
“No, Ville, I can’t… Äiti’d be lonely. I can’t…”
“Mikko. You’re what? 20 now? Come on. You can’t still live with your mom. And surely she can learn to live with out you. Come on. It’ll be fun.”
“Ville…”
“I’m not taking no for an answer, Linde. Come on. I need some company.”
“But where’m I going to sleep? There’s only one bed in your apartment.”
“So we’ll both sleep on that, what’s the problem?”
“What if… what if people ask where I sleep?”
“Then we say that we take turns on the couch. Come on! Please say yes, it’ll be so much fun.”
When he rolled his grey eyes up at me, I knew I’d won him over.
Actually. Now that I think of it, there was one thing that I asked for that he didn’t acquiesce to. And he never did. I’m glad of it now. But… you can guess that back then, I wasn’t so amused. Even if I tried not to let on.
“Lily? You awake?” We were lying in bed. It was a small, single bed; the mattress was lumpy, and no matter how hard we tried, we always ended up smooshed together in the middle of it.
“Yeah?” He sounded groggy, as if he had been sleeping before I woke him up.
“C’mere.” I rolled him over and started kissing his pouting pink lips. He groaned and tried to bat me off.
“Not now Ville…” I paid him no heed. I knew he could feel how much I wanted something from him, the evidence was poking into his thigh. I kept kissing him until finally, he fell into it too, as always.
Something about that kiss was different. It was more heated than normal. Our relationship was all lust, but this was something even more lusty than usual, and I was just dying for him.
I got all his clothes off without any problems and we were naked, rubbing against each other in what I thought was a never-ending cloud of lecherous want, until I pulled back from him and looked into those grey eyes.
He looked scared. I remember that. I don’t remember ever having looked into his eyes whilst we were doing something … sexual. I remember wondering if they always looked like that. And I remember thinking to myself, why do you even care? And I remember the pure need to be inside the body I’d come to depend upon so much.
“Lily… I want you, so much…”
“Ville…” I went to kissing around his neck, trying to suck the fear out of his eyes by his arteries, I think.
He was still squirming underneath me but I didn’t let up. I kissed until I could kiss no more and he was panting hard, breathy pants before looking up into his eyes again.
“Let me fuck you. Please. I need you so much…”
But the fire in his eyes - the grey flames that were tame most of the time, tame and guarded and hidden, that I loved to coax out of their cocoon when I could - flared up and they blazed so fiercely that I was almost scared. I was most certainly shocked.
“Get. Off.” He growled, pushing me up and off with his hands firmly on my chest. I was so shocked by his reaction - and, admittedly, his denial - that I didn’t fight it.
“That’s a no then,” I managed to quip, as he stumbled around, looking for the pajama bottoms I’d unceremoniously tossed to the other side of the room.
“You could say that,” he deadpanned, and I could almost feel him narrowing his eyes at me. “Goodnight, Ville.” His tone of voice was flat, completely and utterly flat and devoid of the outrage I knew he was feeling - his eyes had told me that much.
“Lily. What are you doing, where else are you going to sleep?”
“I’m going to sleep on the couch.”
“Linde…”
“Good night, Ville.”
“Mikko come back.”
“No. Good night.”
“Barbie…” I whined, using the name I now used as a pet name for him, and as my last resort at times like this. But he just took one last look at me and closed the door behind him resolutely.
Every time I asked him, I received a similar answer. It made no difference whether or not we were drunk, or upset, or if he was in a good mood or a bad… no matter what I said, or did before or after asking… I always received a resolute, resounding ‘No’, a door shut in my face and a night alone in my bed.
Sometimes I got angry. I couldn’t see why he wouldn’t let me. He’d do everything else I asked him to. Sometimes he even did more than I asked him. But if I even so much as slid my hand down to his ass, he’d freeze up, and if I hinted that I wanted to fuck him, he’d push me off and storm away.
He never did give into me. When we crossed that barrier, it was fully on his own initiative, and I will never forget it.
-------------
“Excuse me? I’m sorry, you just said you wanted us to do what?”
“An album, Mr. Valo. We want you to give us an album to produce.”
“You want an album? From HIM?”
“Yes, that’s what I just said wasn’t it?”
“No, no, wait, I’m sorry, can you say that again?”
“If you make me say it again I could just rescind the offer…”
“No! I mean… are you for real?”
“Yes. You and the rest of the band will need to come to our Helsinki headquarters to sign the paperwork but we’d like you to start right away.”
“Right you are, sweetheart! Just … give us a date and we’ll be there!”
Ville hung up the phone after sorting dates and times out and stared at the wall in front of him for a few seconds, thoughts racing through his head.
An album. A real, honest to goodness see it in all the stores album.
“Oh. My. Fucking. God. Lily! Lily! Where the hell are you!?”
“Jesus, Ville, what in the hell is wrong with you?’
“Guess.” Linde raised an eyebrow, leaning up against the frame of the door he’d just come out of, twiddling with the towel that he had wrapped around his waist.
“I don’t know, you got rid of that leech you call a girlfriend?”
“Shut up, Barbie, you’re just jealous cuz you want me all to yourself.”
“On the contrary, I assure you. No seriously, why are you screaming bloody murder?”
“Guess who was on the phone just now.”
“Santa Claus? I don’t fucking know, Ville.” The sarcasm made Ville laugh and roll his eyes. He knew that no matter how much he may pretend, Linde couldn’t help but like him. He never could help it. So it didn’t matter how much Linde sounded like he hated him; he’d learnt long before never to take Lily’s words to be all that he had to say.
“BMG.”
“The record company? What’d they want now?”
“Oh… only to sign us properly to their label and mass produce an album.”
“Ville… don’t fuck around.” Ville just grinned. Linde stared. “Fuck off. You’re serious? No fucking way. Fuck off.”
“Lily. We really, really are going to be rockstars!”
--------
The grin on his face was too much for me. He looked like a little kid whose mom had just baked him a huge chocolate cake. But a thousand times happier. His big, green eyes sparkled and I thought his cheeks might bust apart, he was grinning so hard.
And I couldn’t help but grin despite myself.
I say despite myself because at that point in time, I’d been doing a lot of thinking. We were a year out of high school, perhaps just a little bit more. The EP had just gone out. And I couldn’t make up my mind whether or not this was something I actually wanted to do.
I never wanted fame. I never wanted the limelight. I never wanted thousands of screaming fangirls.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
But I wasn’t sure it was this.
Ville was certain that he wanted to be famous, to be playing the same stages that his heroes played, hell, maybe even to play some of the same concerts as them, if he was lucky… he knew that he wanted all that from the tender age of nine years old.
And I… I followed his lead because I didn’t know any better, and when I did know better, because I had no other plan, no other desire, no other motivation.
“Okay, Barbie, what’s up and why are you not bouncing off the walls like me? Isn’t this awesome?! An album, Lily! An album! With singles, and videos, and…”
“It is, it’s awesome, and it’s everything you hoped for. And you said we’d get it and we did.”
“But…?”
“But… I dunno.”
“Barbie? Spit it out.”
He had stepped over to me, across the floor of our tiny shared apartment, and was standing in front of me, looking into my eyes sternly. I shrugged, casting my own eyes downwards, avoiding him. But he just ducked down to follow my gaze and keep my eyes trained on his.
“What’s wrong, Mikko?”
“I… don’t you… think… maybe you’d be better off… with a different guitarist?”
He glared at me. I knew he would. I think he wanted to slap me across the face. As if it was an insult.
“Linde, come here.” His voice was strained, shaking, as he pulled me over to the couch. “Sit.” I did as told, eyes still downcast, nudging the edge of the rug with my toes. “Okay, Lindström. I’m going to say this once, and once only. Got it?”
I nodded. I had no choice. But I didn’t look up at him. I just sat and stared at my toe pushing the edge of the carpet over on itself.
“This band would be nowhere without you. Do you understand me? There is no other guitarist that we could get that is as good as you. We’ve been in this together since the 9th grade, Linde, we couldn’t do it without you! It wouldn’t be the same band, and that’s what these record companies want. They want us. And let’s face it. The us of the band comes from you and me and Mige. The others are helpful but we make this band, we always have and you know it. If you leave, we have no band. We can teach another person how to play the parts, sure, but Linde, its you we need, your personal flare, your style…”
“Okay, okay, I get it… Jesus, I didn’t need a lecture.”
“So you’ll sign?”
“Yes…”
I didn’t even have time to draw breath; I was being tackled back into the couch by a blur of brown hair and green eyes and pink lips trying to devour my own. I held him by the shoulders at first but eventually I melted into it - I always did - and even let him pick me up and carry me to our room, giggling the whole way.
He plopped me down on the bed and crawled over me, kissing and licking and sucking as he went, and I could feel his hard-on pressing into mine and I groaned at the friction. I wanted him. I really did.
But not enough to give in to the request I knew would come. Not enough to actually nod my agreement. Because I didn’t want him like that. Not yet.
I wanted him in a way a hundred times less physical than the way he wanted me. I wanted to know I actually had him before I let him have me. He had a girlfriend that he insisted he loved and I … I had nothing but lustful kisses and needy requests.
I didn’t want that. I wanted more than that.
And until he gave me it, I wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. And I never would.
Genre:: Drama
Fandom:: RPS Vam, Villinde, Dugera, Lindunn, others.
Rating:: R
Summary:: A story, reaching back to the beginning like a twisted, curling whisp of smoke from a slow burning fire.
Disclaimer::Most characters are property only of themselves; I own the storyline and the writing. This is a work of ficiton; treat it as such.
Links
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Those were the best years of my life. Honestly.
We had a record label that was interested in us. We played gigs. We got smashed. There were hundreds of girls waiting around after our shows, giggling to each other in great masses, and I could walk through the rows of them almost like I was in a supermarket and choose which one - or which group of them - I wanted that night.
And then, after a romp or three backstage, I would go home and Lily would be there, waiting for me.
Or perhaps he wasn’t merely waiting for me. But he was there. And for some reason, he never did say no to me. I asked him to kiss me, he did. I asked him to suck me off, and he was on his knees in a split second. I asked him to play something, he threw himself into learning it 110%. I asked him to cook me dinner; he’d read cook books for a day and I’d come over and be faced with a 3 course meal I couldn’t even think of finishing. And once, I even asked him to move in with me.
“Come on, Lily, it’ll save all this back and forth. You practically live here anyways.”
But at first, he just shook his head.
“No, Ville, I can’t… Äiti’d be lonely. I can’t…”
“Mikko. You’re what? 20 now? Come on. You can’t still live with your mom. And surely she can learn to live with out you. Come on. It’ll be fun.”
“Ville…”
“I’m not taking no for an answer, Linde. Come on. I need some company.”
“But where’m I going to sleep? There’s only one bed in your apartment.”
“So we’ll both sleep on that, what’s the problem?”
“What if… what if people ask where I sleep?”
“Then we say that we take turns on the couch. Come on! Please say yes, it’ll be so much fun.”
When he rolled his grey eyes up at me, I knew I’d won him over.
Actually. Now that I think of it, there was one thing that I asked for that he didn’t acquiesce to. And he never did. I’m glad of it now. But… you can guess that back then, I wasn’t so amused. Even if I tried not to let on.
“Lily? You awake?” We were lying in bed. It was a small, single bed; the mattress was lumpy, and no matter how hard we tried, we always ended up smooshed together in the middle of it.
“Yeah?” He sounded groggy, as if he had been sleeping before I woke him up.
“C’mere.” I rolled him over and started kissing his pouting pink lips. He groaned and tried to bat me off.
“Not now Ville…” I paid him no heed. I knew he could feel how much I wanted something from him, the evidence was poking into his thigh. I kept kissing him until finally, he fell into it too, as always.
Something about that kiss was different. It was more heated than normal. Our relationship was all lust, but this was something even more lusty than usual, and I was just dying for him.
I got all his clothes off without any problems and we were naked, rubbing against each other in what I thought was a never-ending cloud of lecherous want, until I pulled back from him and looked into those grey eyes.
He looked scared. I remember that. I don’t remember ever having looked into his eyes whilst we were doing something … sexual. I remember wondering if they always looked like that. And I remember thinking to myself, why do you even care? And I remember the pure need to be inside the body I’d come to depend upon so much.
“Lily… I want you, so much…”
“Ville…” I went to kissing around his neck, trying to suck the fear out of his eyes by his arteries, I think.
He was still squirming underneath me but I didn’t let up. I kissed until I could kiss no more and he was panting hard, breathy pants before looking up into his eyes again.
“Let me fuck you. Please. I need you so much…”
But the fire in his eyes - the grey flames that were tame most of the time, tame and guarded and hidden, that I loved to coax out of their cocoon when I could - flared up and they blazed so fiercely that I was almost scared. I was most certainly shocked.
“Get. Off.” He growled, pushing me up and off with his hands firmly on my chest. I was so shocked by his reaction - and, admittedly, his denial - that I didn’t fight it.
“That’s a no then,” I managed to quip, as he stumbled around, looking for the pajama bottoms I’d unceremoniously tossed to the other side of the room.
“You could say that,” he deadpanned, and I could almost feel him narrowing his eyes at me. “Goodnight, Ville.” His tone of voice was flat, completely and utterly flat and devoid of the outrage I knew he was feeling - his eyes had told me that much.
“Lily. What are you doing, where else are you going to sleep?”
“I’m going to sleep on the couch.”
“Linde…”
“Good night, Ville.”
“Mikko come back.”
“No. Good night.”
“Barbie…” I whined, using the name I now used as a pet name for him, and as my last resort at times like this. But he just took one last look at me and closed the door behind him resolutely.
Every time I asked him, I received a similar answer. It made no difference whether or not we were drunk, or upset, or if he was in a good mood or a bad… no matter what I said, or did before or after asking… I always received a resolute, resounding ‘No’, a door shut in my face and a night alone in my bed.
Sometimes I got angry. I couldn’t see why he wouldn’t let me. He’d do everything else I asked him to. Sometimes he even did more than I asked him. But if I even so much as slid my hand down to his ass, he’d freeze up, and if I hinted that I wanted to fuck him, he’d push me off and storm away.
He never did give into me. When we crossed that barrier, it was fully on his own initiative, and I will never forget it.
-------------
“Excuse me? I’m sorry, you just said you wanted us to do what?”
“An album, Mr. Valo. We want you to give us an album to produce.”
“You want an album? From HIM?”
“Yes, that’s what I just said wasn’t it?”
“No, no, wait, I’m sorry, can you say that again?”
“If you make me say it again I could just rescind the offer…”
“No! I mean… are you for real?”
“Yes. You and the rest of the band will need to come to our Helsinki headquarters to sign the paperwork but we’d like you to start right away.”
“Right you are, sweetheart! Just … give us a date and we’ll be there!”
Ville hung up the phone after sorting dates and times out and stared at the wall in front of him for a few seconds, thoughts racing through his head.
An album. A real, honest to goodness see it in all the stores album.
“Oh. My. Fucking. God. Lily! Lily! Where the hell are you!?”
“Jesus, Ville, what in the hell is wrong with you?’
“Guess.” Linde raised an eyebrow, leaning up against the frame of the door he’d just come out of, twiddling with the towel that he had wrapped around his waist.
“I don’t know, you got rid of that leech you call a girlfriend?”
“Shut up, Barbie, you’re just jealous cuz you want me all to yourself.”
“On the contrary, I assure you. No seriously, why are you screaming bloody murder?”
“Guess who was on the phone just now.”
“Santa Claus? I don’t fucking know, Ville.” The sarcasm made Ville laugh and roll his eyes. He knew that no matter how much he may pretend, Linde couldn’t help but like him. He never could help it. So it didn’t matter how much Linde sounded like he hated him; he’d learnt long before never to take Lily’s words to be all that he had to say.
“BMG.”
“The record company? What’d they want now?”
“Oh… only to sign us properly to their label and mass produce an album.”
“Ville… don’t fuck around.” Ville just grinned. Linde stared. “Fuck off. You’re serious? No fucking way. Fuck off.”
“Lily. We really, really are going to be rockstars!”
--------
The grin on his face was too much for me. He looked like a little kid whose mom had just baked him a huge chocolate cake. But a thousand times happier. His big, green eyes sparkled and I thought his cheeks might bust apart, he was grinning so hard.
And I couldn’t help but grin despite myself.
I say despite myself because at that point in time, I’d been doing a lot of thinking. We were a year out of high school, perhaps just a little bit more. The EP had just gone out. And I couldn’t make up my mind whether or not this was something I actually wanted to do.
I never wanted fame. I never wanted the limelight. I never wanted thousands of screaming fangirls.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
But I wasn’t sure it was this.
Ville was certain that he wanted to be famous, to be playing the same stages that his heroes played, hell, maybe even to play some of the same concerts as them, if he was lucky… he knew that he wanted all that from the tender age of nine years old.
And I… I followed his lead because I didn’t know any better, and when I did know better, because I had no other plan, no other desire, no other motivation.
“Okay, Barbie, what’s up and why are you not bouncing off the walls like me? Isn’t this awesome?! An album, Lily! An album! With singles, and videos, and…”
“It is, it’s awesome, and it’s everything you hoped for. And you said we’d get it and we did.”
“But…?”
“But… I dunno.”
“Barbie? Spit it out.”
He had stepped over to me, across the floor of our tiny shared apartment, and was standing in front of me, looking into my eyes sternly. I shrugged, casting my own eyes downwards, avoiding him. But he just ducked down to follow my gaze and keep my eyes trained on his.
“What’s wrong, Mikko?”
“I… don’t you… think… maybe you’d be better off… with a different guitarist?”
He glared at me. I knew he would. I think he wanted to slap me across the face. As if it was an insult.
“Linde, come here.” His voice was strained, shaking, as he pulled me over to the couch. “Sit.” I did as told, eyes still downcast, nudging the edge of the rug with my toes. “Okay, Lindström. I’m going to say this once, and once only. Got it?”
I nodded. I had no choice. But I didn’t look up at him. I just sat and stared at my toe pushing the edge of the carpet over on itself.
“This band would be nowhere without you. Do you understand me? There is no other guitarist that we could get that is as good as you. We’ve been in this together since the 9th grade, Linde, we couldn’t do it without you! It wouldn’t be the same band, and that’s what these record companies want. They want us. And let’s face it. The us of the band comes from you and me and Mige. The others are helpful but we make this band, we always have and you know it. If you leave, we have no band. We can teach another person how to play the parts, sure, but Linde, its you we need, your personal flare, your style…”
“Okay, okay, I get it… Jesus, I didn’t need a lecture.”
“So you’ll sign?”
“Yes…”
I didn’t even have time to draw breath; I was being tackled back into the couch by a blur of brown hair and green eyes and pink lips trying to devour my own. I held him by the shoulders at first but eventually I melted into it - I always did - and even let him pick me up and carry me to our room, giggling the whole way.
He plopped me down on the bed and crawled over me, kissing and licking and sucking as he went, and I could feel his hard-on pressing into mine and I groaned at the friction. I wanted him. I really did.
But not enough to give in to the request I knew would come. Not enough to actually nod my agreement. Because I didn’t want him like that. Not yet.
I wanted him in a way a hundred times less physical than the way he wanted me. I wanted to know I actually had him before I let him have me. He had a girlfriend that he insisted he loved and I … I had nothing but lustful kisses and needy requests.
I didn’t want that. I wanted more than that.
And until he gave me it, I wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. And I never would.