Smoking - Chapter 7
Title:: Smoking
Genre:: Drama
Fandom:: RPS Vam, Villinde, Dugera, Lindunn, others.
Rating:: R
Summary:: A story, reaching back to the beginning like a twisted, curling whisp of smoke from a slow burning fire.
Disclaimer::Most characters are property only of themselves; I own the storyline and the writing. This is a work of ficiton; treat it as such.
Links
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
To his credit, Kimi never once forced me to do anything at all. He never rushed me, never pressed me into doing anything that I wasn’t comfortable with. And I’m grateful for that, grateful that he didn’t make my first experiences painful. I’m grateful that he didn’t take complete advantage of my vulnerability, that he didn’t abuse my insecurity.
Kimi was the first person in that school to really give a damn about anything about me. Ville didn’t fool me for a second. I may not have had much experience in the realm of friendships, but I was smart enough to realize that he’d only changed his mind about me when he learnt that I played guitar. But Kimi… Kimi was different. He didn’t have to pay attention to me. He had tons of friends. There were girls lining up for miles to get just one moment of his attention and affection. But I soon realized that they didn’t have a lick of chance with him, because girls were just about the last thing on his mind.
For weeks, he would sit next to me at lunch, talk to me quietly, completely ignoring the rest of his friends. He was determined that I would speak to him, he coaxed and cajoled me into talking to him more and more - at first, just about things like school, my teachers, the classes I was taking, homework. Then it was about music, my music, my guitar playing. Then he wanted to know about my family, about my mother, did I miss my father? Did I need to talk to him about it? He wanted to know about things between me and Ville - is he still teasing you? He’s an idiot sometimes, you know, you shouldn’t take it personally. Do you like him? He’s a pretty good guy when he wants to be, you know?
I would answer him shyly, eyes downcast, trying to hide my face behind my hair. I couldn’t not answer him, because I felt that if I didn’t he’d be upset, and I didn’t want that. So I talked, and he listened, and occasionally he would reach up and tuck my hair behind my ear, smiling at me, telling me not to hide from him, he wouldn’t hurt me.
And I believed him. And to be honest, he never really did.
When he first kissed me, he spent more time beforehand asking me if he could than actually doing it. It was just a gentle press of his lips against mine, but it sent the most amazing fireworks flying through my blood, and when he pulled back I was grinning bashfully and I’d blushed a deep crimson red right to the very roots of my hair. His hand lingered on my cheek, his thumb stroking it a bit, before he leant in again.
Chaste kisses lead, over a week or two, to passionate embraces. On his couch, on the beanbag in his room, on my bed… I loved kissing him. I loved it because I could close my eyes and pretend I was someone else, somewhere else, that the lips crashing against mine weren’t those of a random high-school pseudo-romance, but of that person that my mom had mentioned when I was in the 7th grade, confessing to her that I was gay. That person who I would end up with, the perfect one for me.
I didn’t really want to do all the things in-between. I didn’t want to experiment, I didn’t want to go through the seemingly obligatory relationships between where I was and where I would end up, I wanted to find my prince charming right away and never let go. I just wanted to be happy, I didn’t want any drama; I just wanted simple things.
Of course, I knew that wasn’t possible. And that’s why I went along with Kimi. Because I knew that I could have my first experiences with someone else, someone harsher and crueler than him. I could have had my first kiss with some stranger, taking advantage of my weaknesses. I could have been given head for the first time by some heartless bastard, I could have been forced into giving my first head to someone that didn’t know me at all, that didn’t care about me, who I didn’t know from Adam.
As it was, Kimi was my first for all of those things. And I’m grateful for that.
----------
“So… you and Kimi, huh?”
“What?”
“Don’t play stupid with me Barbie, I’m not blind.”
“Ville, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sure. Uhhuh. Okay. So I’m making up the handholding underneath the table, and the whispering into your ear, and you giggling like a little girl. And this morning, when I walked into the practice room to find you to warn you about that pop-quiz, you weren’t so wrapped up in letting him suck your face that you didn’t even notice. Obviously, I was just seeing things.”
“I… … oh.”
“Yeah, see? You can’t fool me.”
“I…”
“Don’t worry Barbie, it’s cool. So what, is he your boyfriend or something?”
“I… dunno.”
“You can talk to me, you know, Barbie? I am your friend.”
“Yeah, sure. Uhhuh. Friend. Yup.”
“What, you don’t think I am?”
“Since when have you ever acted like my friend, Ville?”
“Since always!”
“Yeah, so making my life hell was being my friend? I think not.”
“So I made a mistake. Come on, that was like in third grade!”
“Yeah. Third grade until just a few months ago if I remember correctly.”
“Aw come on Barbie, I thought we weren’t gonna have any hard feelings about that.”
“Whatever, Ville.”
“So come on. Is he your boyfriend or what?”
“I dunno.”
“You dunno?”
“No.”
“Are you gay?”
“…Ville…”
“Are you?”
“Why?”
“I just wanna know. Are you or aren’t you?”
“I… I guess I am.”
“Right. See, wasn’t that hard to tell me, was it?”
“Just… leave me alone.”
“What, you don’t think I give a damn, do you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Barbie, it seems like you don’t know a lot of stuff.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“I dunno.”
“Do you like him?”
“No, I hate him, I’m just letting him kiss me because I’m some kind of masochist. Duh, Ville. Of course I like him.”
“Well you never know, Jesus. I just… I just thought you might just be doing it cuz you were too scared to say no.”
“He wouldn’t make me do anything.”
“Okay.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“I said, okay. I believe you. I was just checking up on you, Barbie. I do sort of give a damn.”
“Sort of.”
“Oh come on, Barbie. I do. We’re friends now.”
“Sure.”
“We are. You’re cool. I’m sorry for all that shit before.”
“Whatever.”
“That’s better. Come on. You gotta hear this new record I got.”
“Ville… I should get home…”
“Oh come on, Barbie…”
“No, I gotta go, Äiti needs my help…”
“Fine then. I’ll bring it over to your house.”
“Ville…”
“Come on. What, you scared I’m gonna tell your mom about your boyfriend?”
“She already knows, Ville.”
“You told your mother?!”
“Who else was I gonna tell?”
“Well not your mother! Is she … you know, is she okay with it?”
“Sure. She’s more excited about it than I am.”
“Is your mother human?”
“Nope.”
“Barbie… you’re very, very odd, you know that?”
“Yep.”
“…Right, well, I’m glad we’ve got that sorted. So can I come over?”
“I… I guess…”
“Great. I’ll be there in a bit, okay?”
“Uh. Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”
“See ya, Barbie.”
Ville watched as Mikko made his way to the bus stop that would take him home. He was frowning, wondering exactly the same thing that Mikko himself was wondering as he stepped carefully onto the bus and swung himself into his seat: why did he suddenly give a damn?
Genre:: Drama
Fandom:: RPS Vam, Villinde, Dugera, Lindunn, others.
Rating:: R
Summary:: A story, reaching back to the beginning like a twisted, curling whisp of smoke from a slow burning fire.
Disclaimer::Most characters are property only of themselves; I own the storyline and the writing. This is a work of ficiton; treat it as such.
Links
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
To his credit, Kimi never once forced me to do anything at all. He never rushed me, never pressed me into doing anything that I wasn’t comfortable with. And I’m grateful for that, grateful that he didn’t make my first experiences painful. I’m grateful that he didn’t take complete advantage of my vulnerability, that he didn’t abuse my insecurity.
Kimi was the first person in that school to really give a damn about anything about me. Ville didn’t fool me for a second. I may not have had much experience in the realm of friendships, but I was smart enough to realize that he’d only changed his mind about me when he learnt that I played guitar. But Kimi… Kimi was different. He didn’t have to pay attention to me. He had tons of friends. There were girls lining up for miles to get just one moment of his attention and affection. But I soon realized that they didn’t have a lick of chance with him, because girls were just about the last thing on his mind.
For weeks, he would sit next to me at lunch, talk to me quietly, completely ignoring the rest of his friends. He was determined that I would speak to him, he coaxed and cajoled me into talking to him more and more - at first, just about things like school, my teachers, the classes I was taking, homework. Then it was about music, my music, my guitar playing. Then he wanted to know about my family, about my mother, did I miss my father? Did I need to talk to him about it? He wanted to know about things between me and Ville - is he still teasing you? He’s an idiot sometimes, you know, you shouldn’t take it personally. Do you like him? He’s a pretty good guy when he wants to be, you know?
I would answer him shyly, eyes downcast, trying to hide my face behind my hair. I couldn’t not answer him, because I felt that if I didn’t he’d be upset, and I didn’t want that. So I talked, and he listened, and occasionally he would reach up and tuck my hair behind my ear, smiling at me, telling me not to hide from him, he wouldn’t hurt me.
And I believed him. And to be honest, he never really did.
When he first kissed me, he spent more time beforehand asking me if he could than actually doing it. It was just a gentle press of his lips against mine, but it sent the most amazing fireworks flying through my blood, and when he pulled back I was grinning bashfully and I’d blushed a deep crimson red right to the very roots of my hair. His hand lingered on my cheek, his thumb stroking it a bit, before he leant in again.
Chaste kisses lead, over a week or two, to passionate embraces. On his couch, on the beanbag in his room, on my bed… I loved kissing him. I loved it because I could close my eyes and pretend I was someone else, somewhere else, that the lips crashing against mine weren’t those of a random high-school pseudo-romance, but of that person that my mom had mentioned when I was in the 7th grade, confessing to her that I was gay. That person who I would end up with, the perfect one for me.
I didn’t really want to do all the things in-between. I didn’t want to experiment, I didn’t want to go through the seemingly obligatory relationships between where I was and where I would end up, I wanted to find my prince charming right away and never let go. I just wanted to be happy, I didn’t want any drama; I just wanted simple things.
Of course, I knew that wasn’t possible. And that’s why I went along with Kimi. Because I knew that I could have my first experiences with someone else, someone harsher and crueler than him. I could have had my first kiss with some stranger, taking advantage of my weaknesses. I could have been given head for the first time by some heartless bastard, I could have been forced into giving my first head to someone that didn’t know me at all, that didn’t care about me, who I didn’t know from Adam.
As it was, Kimi was my first for all of those things. And I’m grateful for that.
----------
“So… you and Kimi, huh?”
“What?”
“Don’t play stupid with me Barbie, I’m not blind.”
“Ville, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sure. Uhhuh. Okay. So I’m making up the handholding underneath the table, and the whispering into your ear, and you giggling like a little girl. And this morning, when I walked into the practice room to find you to warn you about that pop-quiz, you weren’t so wrapped up in letting him suck your face that you didn’t even notice. Obviously, I was just seeing things.”
“I… … oh.”
“Yeah, see? You can’t fool me.”
“I…”
“Don’t worry Barbie, it’s cool. So what, is he your boyfriend or something?”
“I… dunno.”
“You can talk to me, you know, Barbie? I am your friend.”
“Yeah, sure. Uhhuh. Friend. Yup.”
“What, you don’t think I am?”
“Since when have you ever acted like my friend, Ville?”
“Since always!”
“Yeah, so making my life hell was being my friend? I think not.”
“So I made a mistake. Come on, that was like in third grade!”
“Yeah. Third grade until just a few months ago if I remember correctly.”
“Aw come on Barbie, I thought we weren’t gonna have any hard feelings about that.”
“Whatever, Ville.”
“So come on. Is he your boyfriend or what?”
“I dunno.”
“You dunno?”
“No.”
“Are you gay?”
“…Ville…”
“Are you?”
“Why?”
“I just wanna know. Are you or aren’t you?”
“I… I guess I am.”
“Right. See, wasn’t that hard to tell me, was it?”
“Just… leave me alone.”
“What, you don’t think I give a damn, do you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Barbie, it seems like you don’t know a lot of stuff.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“I dunno.”
“Do you like him?”
“No, I hate him, I’m just letting him kiss me because I’m some kind of masochist. Duh, Ville. Of course I like him.”
“Well you never know, Jesus. I just… I just thought you might just be doing it cuz you were too scared to say no.”
“He wouldn’t make me do anything.”
“Okay.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“I said, okay. I believe you. I was just checking up on you, Barbie. I do sort of give a damn.”
“Sort of.”
“Oh come on, Barbie. I do. We’re friends now.”
“Sure.”
“We are. You’re cool. I’m sorry for all that shit before.”
“Whatever.”
“That’s better. Come on. You gotta hear this new record I got.”
“Ville… I should get home…”
“Oh come on, Barbie…”
“No, I gotta go, Äiti needs my help…”
“Fine then. I’ll bring it over to your house.”
“Ville…”
“Come on. What, you scared I’m gonna tell your mom about your boyfriend?”
“She already knows, Ville.”
“You told your mother?!”
“Who else was I gonna tell?”
“Well not your mother! Is she … you know, is she okay with it?”
“Sure. She’s more excited about it than I am.”
“Is your mother human?”
“Nope.”
“Barbie… you’re very, very odd, you know that?”
“Yep.”
“…Right, well, I’m glad we’ve got that sorted. So can I come over?”
“I… I guess…”
“Great. I’ll be there in a bit, okay?”
“Uh. Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”
“See ya, Barbie.”
Ville watched as Mikko made his way to the bus stop that would take him home. He was frowning, wondering exactly the same thing that Mikko himself was wondering as he stepped carefully onto the bus and swung himself into his seat: why did he suddenly give a damn?