Now clarity lost out to desire, I married the madness in her eyes
People are so very flawed. This is something I've been thinking on lately. I dislike many of the negative emotions that seem to tinge communication and interaction. They strike me as inefficient and superfluous. So, for the most part, I don't bother with them. (The emotions, that is. Haven't quite given up on people yet.) People don't react to this very well, sometimes. Sometimes, it seems to downright infuriate them that I don't have an interest in following them along in their emotional high. Perhaps this is because they don't feel validated? After all, they seem to put a lot of energy into their negativity. Doesn't that deserve some sort of reaction? Misery loves company. Maybe that's way too specific. Maybe every emotion loves company, including the negative ones.
Unfortunately, this is where the horrible inefficiency comes in. What happens when two angry, upset people clash--each one looking for validation for their emotions? They fight, of course. They yell, and they say horrible things to each other. They often forget themselves, and start saying things only to hurt, rather than get their point, whatever it may be, across. It doesn't get a lot done, and it rarely makes you feel much better afterward.
So, maybe we can agree that negative emotions (and interactions) such as these are quite pointless and only hurtful to those around us (and often hurtful to ourselves as well). So why do we bother with them? Well, there's the snag. There's the part where my reality and everyone else's reality seems to conflict. Because for me, I just say, "I don't like feeling this way and I don't like the consequences. So, that settles it. I won't feel this way." It's not perfect, I still feel negatively. But there's this little guilt phrase that always sneaks up on me. When I'm feeling negatively, and the thought pops up, "But do you have to feel this way, or are you just choosing to?" then it seems to immediately start to dissipate. I've tried to relate this method to other people. "No, really!" says I, "It works! You just have to decide upon it firmly." I have been informed, on multiple occasions, that this is not at all reasonable. You can't expect people to do that. On an intellectual level, this absolutely boggles my mind.
I absolutely adore this method, and this level of control. Why bother with emotions that won't improve my quality of life? I mean, in the end, isn't that what it's all about? The pursuit of happiness should win out, shouldn't it? Not everyone sees it this way, though. In fact, people even seem to think it's something "wrong" with me. I wonder, though, if it's just because I don't experience life the same way they do. I'm not unhappy with this method, I don't feel crippled by it. I experience a wide range of emotions, I just tend to leave off the negative ones. I don't bottle them up, that's an entirely different thing. If I were bottling emotions, it stands to reason I would have erupted like a volcano by now. I like the way I am, and I truly think other people could benefit from this mindset.
Why, then, is it so much harder for everyone else to adapt? I can honestly say I've never met someone with a mind that works like mine. I don't wonder what's "wrong" with me so much as what the defining factor that makes this an easier process for me is. Is there really something so different happening in there? Sometimes I wonder if other people just aren't trying hard enough. They're afraid without negativity they'll lose their passion, maybe? I've seen anger and passion related closely together many times in the past. I think it's a bit silly, personally. I feel plenty of passion in my life. I can promise you, you don't need negativity to be passionate.
I've found myself wondering if there's a name of this. Some medical or psychological reason for my nonstandard approach to emotions. I wonder if it's a "bad thing," and maybe there's even some medication for it. Sometimes I think that would be easier, if only because I could find other people to relate with. And I could find some research on just what makes me different. Of course, as I've stated, I have no desire to "fix" it. Maybe there's nothing to fix. Maybe it's just me. I don't mind that thought at all, everyone likes to be unique. But I still do crave more understanding, and others to relate to.
Unfortunately, this is where the horrible inefficiency comes in. What happens when two angry, upset people clash--each one looking for validation for their emotions? They fight, of course. They yell, and they say horrible things to each other. They often forget themselves, and start saying things only to hurt, rather than get their point, whatever it may be, across. It doesn't get a lot done, and it rarely makes you feel much better afterward.
So, maybe we can agree that negative emotions (and interactions) such as these are quite pointless and only hurtful to those around us (and often hurtful to ourselves as well). So why do we bother with them? Well, there's the snag. There's the part where my reality and everyone else's reality seems to conflict. Because for me, I just say, "I don't like feeling this way and I don't like the consequences. So, that settles it. I won't feel this way." It's not perfect, I still feel negatively. But there's this little guilt phrase that always sneaks up on me. When I'm feeling negatively, and the thought pops up, "But do you have to feel this way, or are you just choosing to?" then it seems to immediately start to dissipate. I've tried to relate this method to other people. "No, really!" says I, "It works! You just have to decide upon it firmly." I have been informed, on multiple occasions, that this is not at all reasonable. You can't expect people to do that. On an intellectual level, this absolutely boggles my mind.
I absolutely adore this method, and this level of control. Why bother with emotions that won't improve my quality of life? I mean, in the end, isn't that what it's all about? The pursuit of happiness should win out, shouldn't it? Not everyone sees it this way, though. In fact, people even seem to think it's something "wrong" with me. I wonder, though, if it's just because I don't experience life the same way they do. I'm not unhappy with this method, I don't feel crippled by it. I experience a wide range of emotions, I just tend to leave off the negative ones. I don't bottle them up, that's an entirely different thing. If I were bottling emotions, it stands to reason I would have erupted like a volcano by now. I like the way I am, and I truly think other people could benefit from this mindset.
Why, then, is it so much harder for everyone else to adapt? I can honestly say I've never met someone with a mind that works like mine. I don't wonder what's "wrong" with me so much as what the defining factor that makes this an easier process for me is. Is there really something so different happening in there? Sometimes I wonder if other people just aren't trying hard enough. They're afraid without negativity they'll lose their passion, maybe? I've seen anger and passion related closely together many times in the past. I think it's a bit silly, personally. I feel plenty of passion in my life. I can promise you, you don't need negativity to be passionate.
I've found myself wondering if there's a name of this. Some medical or psychological reason for my nonstandard approach to emotions. I wonder if it's a "bad thing," and maybe there's even some medication for it. Sometimes I think that would be easier, if only because I could find other people to relate with. And I could find some research on just what makes me different. Of course, as I've stated, I have no desire to "fix" it. Maybe there's nothing to fix. Maybe it's just me. I don't mind that thought at all, everyone likes to be unique. But I still do crave more understanding, and others to relate to.