same dream again....
Over and over the same images.... I saw the girls and bonnie last week at promyse's birthday party and all week the dreams have come back.... the same dreams over and over and over again... the one where bonnie and I go out for coffee or we go and spend time at the mall or we just talk on the phone for hours... and i wake up to the stark reality that it really doesn't matter what I do or say she is determined to not have things work... I have tried everything that I can think of from groveling to counseling to mediation and she still won't give me the time of day... it is really sad that a fifteen year friendship has to end because someone is determined to hate you.... she talked to me at the party... briefly but it gave me hope... so i try texting her and asking if she wants to go out for coffee.... no answer... at least i can look at everything that has happened and know that i have tried everything that i could possibly have done... small comfort that it is i would rather have my best friend back... i wish the dreams would stop teasing me... every night we make up and bonnie is back talking and laughing and not hating me for existing... we go on our adventures and share our thoughts and everything is right again... maybe the dreams are what is keeping me sane... maybe i just can't believe the reality of everything that is going on right now... maybe i can't let go of all of the effort that i put in over the last fifteen years... or maybe the dreams are what it should have been and it was all just a fantasy from the beginning.... maybe i will find a new dream...