❝helplessness may be the word they nail to my name in a while❞
Title: Her Heart Got In The Way
Series: Axis Powers Hetalia
Words: ~1,300
Characters: Ukraine ; Canada (mentions of Russia and Belarus ; Canada/Ukraine)
Rating: PG
Warnings: kisses ; mentions of violence.
Summary: Written for chromatic_coma's birthday. Ukraine has a choice to make--to stay or to leave. Can Canada help her make the decision?
Her Heart Got In The Way
“Um, sir? We don’t really have to do this.”
Ukraine’s boss looked up from his desk and looked his country in the eye. Used to dealing with her hesitance, all he could do now was run a hand through his hair and let out a sigh.
“You don’t really like living this way, do you?” he asked, not unkindly.
Ukraine clenched her hands in front of her. Despite herself, she couldn’t make a decision. This shouldn’t have been a difficult decision. Her people were unhappy, her government was furious, and the rest of the world had made their thoughts on the matter clear. So why was she still uncertain? Why did she hesitate now, when the papers were all drawn up and the plans had already been made?
She hung her head. “I’m…not sure.”
“Yekaterina,” her boss murmured. Ukraine looked up. It was very seldom that anyone called her by her human name, and she glanced at her boss to find him extending a hand towards her, patting her head in an almost paternal gesture. “It’s got to get worse before it can get better,” he reminded her gently.
“But, sir…he’s my brother.”
“Then he should want what’s best for you.” His eyes flicked to Ukraine’s shoulder. Though it was covered by her sleeve at present, the scar was there, all the same. Spreading across her skin, discoloring it, the injury had made her arm nearly useless for months and made her subject to painful, paralyzing muscle spasms.
“Vanya didn’t know Chernobyl would go so wrong!” Ukraine insisted, and there were tears in her eyes, now.
“Yes, but he didn’t do anything to protect you, or your people. If you were gone now, because of that, would he have lost any sleep over it?”
“Yes…yes, he would have! He’s my little brother, he cares about me, sir!”
“That may be so,” her boss said, “but that’s not enough, now.”
Ukraine turned away, furiously wiping the tears from her eyes. She began to head for the door.
“Where are you going?”
She didn’t turn back. “I just…I just need to clear my head.” And then she fled from the room.
She walked out into the warm summer air, shivering as though a shadow was passing over her. If there was one thing she hated most about herself, it was the fact that she had a very logical mind in most situations-she just never listened to it. She was a woman ruled too heavily by her emotions. Sometimes, that was a good thing. Other times…she knew she was making poor decisions, but she just couldn’t stop herself. Logic told her to do one thing, but her heart got in the way.
She made her way to the old stone wall that surrounded the capitol and hoisted herself up onto it, swinging her legs over the other side as she had done since she was a child. The sun was glaring down on her, so she shielded her eyes as she looked off into the distance, at the woods that she and her siblings had played in as children. She could still hear Russia’s voice, calling out her name, and make out Belarus’ high-pitched cry as she fell behind. They had spent hours together, exploring and playing. So when had things gone so wrong?
“I always thought our unity was our strength,” Ukraine whispered. Her hand subconsciously lifted to massage her injured shoulder. “but why is it that we’re so weak, now?”
“…Yekaterina? What are you doing out here?”
She knew that voice, almost as well as she knew her brother’s. For a moment, a brilliant smile lit Ukraine’s melancholy face as she turned and saw Canada’s face. “Matvey!”
He blushed at her reaction to him-it wasn’t as though Canada was used to being recognized on a daily basis, let alone garnering such an immediate and positive reaction. He held up one hand in greeting. “Hello,” he said calmly. “What’re you doing on a wall?”
His blush had been bright and crimson; hers was soft and tinged pink. “I was just…I came to…the woods…sometimes I come out here to think,” she finished after a moment of stuttering.
He nodded, and without further ado, joined her on the wall, sitting close enough that they were only inches apart. “What are you thinking about?” he asked.
She hung her head once more. “My people want to leave the USSR,” she said softly.
“And you don’t?” he asked.
She shook her head. “It’s not that I like it,” she tired to explain. “Sometimes, it feels as though it’s worse than all those times I was alone! But then, Vanya smiles at me, or Nata takes my hand because she needs me, and, and…” she trailed off.
“You think I’m being stupid,” she wailed. “You think I should just leave, right?”
Canada gave Ukraine a considering look and then offered her a shy smile. “I’m not going to tell you what to think,” he said. “I know how hard it can be, to part with family. Goodness knows I took a long time in doing it, myself.” He chuckled, at that, and she was reminded of how long he had spent under England’s rule and then guidance-centuries.
“But even though you’re independent, now…Mr. Kirkland still loves you, right?”
Canada smiled a bit awkwardly. England wasn’t the type to readily dispense affection, and when he did, it was mostly aimed at America. And yet, he could not say that he had ever felt out of place in his family. Between France, England, and America, he was part of a circle of love that was as strong as it was unstated.
Finally, he nodded. “Yes-he still loves me.”
“Even though you left him?”
Hesitantly, slowly, Canada placed one arm around Ukraine’s shoulders. She almost flinched as he touched her scar, but managed to control herself. As his strength encircled her, she felt warm, and safe, for the first time in what felt like an eternity. She leaned her head against his shoulder.
“…sometimes, a country has to do what best for themselves, before thinking of anyone else,” Canada said. She hadn’t expected to hear such a sentiment from him, who took so much flack for things his brother did. But he continued on, “We have our families and loved ones, but at the end of the day, we’re responsible to our people before anyone else. We’re responsible to ourselves.”
She looked up into his wisteria-colored eyes and gave him a sad smile. “Even if what’s best for you feels like it’s going to break your heart?” she asked.
His one-arm embrace tightened almost imperceptibly. “Even then.”
Ukraine released all of her breath in a sigh. Tears came to her eyes once more, but she ignored them as she spoke. “Living with Vanya is not what’s best for me, right now.” She had known the words to be true for years, or at the very least months, but somehow saying them aloud made them more true. A heavy weight settled on her chest, but it seemed as though another, even more stifling, was being lifted. “It’s time that I took responsibility for my own life.”
Canada’s eyes were shining behind his glasses. “I support you, you know. From now on.”
“Whatever I do?”
“Whatever you do.”
Smiling through her tears, Ukraine reached up and placed her lips gently against Canada’s. He blushed profusely for a moment, but then leaned in and returned her kiss in earnest.
Now that she had made her decision, Ukraine knew that she should go back to the capitol and help her boss sign the papers. She knew that she should alert her people, and her family. She knew there was a great many things that she should have been doing.
Instead of doing them, however, she wrapped her arms around Canada’s back and kept close contact with her face, feeling his quiet strength embrace her.
Logic told her to do one thing, but her heart got in the way.
---
Footnotes;
*This fic takes place on July 16, 1990, just before Ukraine declared its autonomy and separation from the USSR.
*Canada was the first nation to recognize Ukraine's independence.
*The Chernobyl Incident was a nuclear disaster in Ukraine caused by the USSR government's mismanagement.
Series: Axis Powers Hetalia
Words: ~1,300
Characters: Ukraine ; Canada (mentions of Russia and Belarus ; Canada/Ukraine)
Rating: PG
Warnings: kisses ; mentions of violence.
Summary: Written for chromatic_coma's birthday. Ukraine has a choice to make--to stay or to leave. Can Canada help her make the decision?
Her Heart Got In The Way
“Um, sir? We don’t really have to do this.”
Ukraine’s boss looked up from his desk and looked his country in the eye. Used to dealing with her hesitance, all he could do now was run a hand through his hair and let out a sigh.
“You don’t really like living this way, do you?” he asked, not unkindly.
Ukraine clenched her hands in front of her. Despite herself, she couldn’t make a decision. This shouldn’t have been a difficult decision. Her people were unhappy, her government was furious, and the rest of the world had made their thoughts on the matter clear. So why was she still uncertain? Why did she hesitate now, when the papers were all drawn up and the plans had already been made?
She hung her head. “I’m…not sure.”
“Yekaterina,” her boss murmured. Ukraine looked up. It was very seldom that anyone called her by her human name, and she glanced at her boss to find him extending a hand towards her, patting her head in an almost paternal gesture. “It’s got to get worse before it can get better,” he reminded her gently.
“But, sir…he’s my brother.”
“Then he should want what’s best for you.” His eyes flicked to Ukraine’s shoulder. Though it was covered by her sleeve at present, the scar was there, all the same. Spreading across her skin, discoloring it, the injury had made her arm nearly useless for months and made her subject to painful, paralyzing muscle spasms.
“Vanya didn’t know Chernobyl would go so wrong!” Ukraine insisted, and there were tears in her eyes, now.
“Yes, but he didn’t do anything to protect you, or your people. If you were gone now, because of that, would he have lost any sleep over it?”
“Yes…yes, he would have! He’s my little brother, he cares about me, sir!”
“That may be so,” her boss said, “but that’s not enough, now.”
Ukraine turned away, furiously wiping the tears from her eyes. She began to head for the door.
“Where are you going?”
She didn’t turn back. “I just…I just need to clear my head.” And then she fled from the room.
She walked out into the warm summer air, shivering as though a shadow was passing over her. If there was one thing she hated most about herself, it was the fact that she had a very logical mind in most situations-she just never listened to it. She was a woman ruled too heavily by her emotions. Sometimes, that was a good thing. Other times…she knew she was making poor decisions, but she just couldn’t stop herself. Logic told her to do one thing, but her heart got in the way.
She made her way to the old stone wall that surrounded the capitol and hoisted herself up onto it, swinging her legs over the other side as she had done since she was a child. The sun was glaring down on her, so she shielded her eyes as she looked off into the distance, at the woods that she and her siblings had played in as children. She could still hear Russia’s voice, calling out her name, and make out Belarus’ high-pitched cry as she fell behind. They had spent hours together, exploring and playing. So when had things gone so wrong?
“I always thought our unity was our strength,” Ukraine whispered. Her hand subconsciously lifted to massage her injured shoulder. “but why is it that we’re so weak, now?”
“…Yekaterina? What are you doing out here?”
She knew that voice, almost as well as she knew her brother’s. For a moment, a brilliant smile lit Ukraine’s melancholy face as she turned and saw Canada’s face. “Matvey!”
He blushed at her reaction to him-it wasn’t as though Canada was used to being recognized on a daily basis, let alone garnering such an immediate and positive reaction. He held up one hand in greeting. “Hello,” he said calmly. “What’re you doing on a wall?”
His blush had been bright and crimson; hers was soft and tinged pink. “I was just…I came to…the woods…sometimes I come out here to think,” she finished after a moment of stuttering.
He nodded, and without further ado, joined her on the wall, sitting close enough that they were only inches apart. “What are you thinking about?” he asked.
She hung her head once more. “My people want to leave the USSR,” she said softly.
“And you don’t?” he asked.
She shook her head. “It’s not that I like it,” she tired to explain. “Sometimes, it feels as though it’s worse than all those times I was alone! But then, Vanya smiles at me, or Nata takes my hand because she needs me, and, and…” she trailed off.
“You think I’m being stupid,” she wailed. “You think I should just leave, right?”
Canada gave Ukraine a considering look and then offered her a shy smile. “I’m not going to tell you what to think,” he said. “I know how hard it can be, to part with family. Goodness knows I took a long time in doing it, myself.” He chuckled, at that, and she was reminded of how long he had spent under England’s rule and then guidance-centuries.
“But even though you’re independent, now…Mr. Kirkland still loves you, right?”
Canada smiled a bit awkwardly. England wasn’t the type to readily dispense affection, and when he did, it was mostly aimed at America. And yet, he could not say that he had ever felt out of place in his family. Between France, England, and America, he was part of a circle of love that was as strong as it was unstated.
Finally, he nodded. “Yes-he still loves me.”
“Even though you left him?”
Hesitantly, slowly, Canada placed one arm around Ukraine’s shoulders. She almost flinched as he touched her scar, but managed to control herself. As his strength encircled her, she felt warm, and safe, for the first time in what felt like an eternity. She leaned her head against his shoulder.
“…sometimes, a country has to do what best for themselves, before thinking of anyone else,” Canada said. She hadn’t expected to hear such a sentiment from him, who took so much flack for things his brother did. But he continued on, “We have our families and loved ones, but at the end of the day, we’re responsible to our people before anyone else. We’re responsible to ourselves.”
She looked up into his wisteria-colored eyes and gave him a sad smile. “Even if what’s best for you feels like it’s going to break your heart?” she asked.
His one-arm embrace tightened almost imperceptibly. “Even then.”
Ukraine released all of her breath in a sigh. Tears came to her eyes once more, but she ignored them as she spoke. “Living with Vanya is not what’s best for me, right now.” She had known the words to be true for years, or at the very least months, but somehow saying them aloud made them more true. A heavy weight settled on her chest, but it seemed as though another, even more stifling, was being lifted. “It’s time that I took responsibility for my own life.”
Canada’s eyes were shining behind his glasses. “I support you, you know. From now on.”
“Whatever I do?”
“Whatever you do.”
Smiling through her tears, Ukraine reached up and placed her lips gently against Canada’s. He blushed profusely for a moment, but then leaned in and returned her kiss in earnest.
Now that she had made her decision, Ukraine knew that she should go back to the capitol and help her boss sign the papers. She knew that she should alert her people, and her family. She knew there was a great many things that she should have been doing.
Instead of doing them, however, she wrapped her arms around Canada’s back and kept close contact with her face, feeling his quiet strength embrace her.
Logic told her to do one thing, but her heart got in the way.
---
Footnotes;
*This fic takes place on July 16, 1990, just before Ukraine declared its autonomy and separation from the USSR.
*Canada was the first nation to recognize Ukraine's independence.
*The Chernobyl Incident was a nuclear disaster in Ukraine caused by the USSR government's mismanagement.