Journal Entry Numero Two
What an exciting day! Yeah, right.
First I went to art and had a great time screwing up Kadie Curry's comic. I'm doing her a favor, it's not funny at all. Now mine is funny. And true to real life. Here's the text...
Knock at the door
Me: (answering the door PAM ANDERSON?! What are you doing here?
Pam: My car broke down in front of your house. Can I use your phone?
Me: I guess, no long distance though....
All of a sudden Carrot Top shows up wearing a shirt that says "I'm with stupid" and an arrow pointing up. He is holding a bloody knife high above his head.
Carrot Top: Or you could just call 1-800-CALL-ATT! It's free for you, and CHEAP FOR THEM!!!!!!!
Carrot Top vanishes
Pam: Thanks! You're gorgeous! Wanna go to Vegas with me?
Me: I would, but I'm not that superficial.
...Just kidding let's go
THE END
Isn't it good? I'll have to draw a mini version and put it on here. Our third math teacher this year is awesome. We don't have to do any work, we just talk. So I got home and did about a bajillion chores and went to my grandparent's house and am writing this thing and I'm out of things to write about so I guess I'll just do one of those gay quizzes that seem to be so popular in Blogs.
1) First, what's your full name?
Jonathan Michael Moran the 1st.
2) What are you wearing right now?
Clothes.
3) What was the last thing you ate?
Food.
4) What's your favorite type of music?
Nirvana.
5) If a piece of food fell on the floor, would you still eat it?
Depends what food.
6) What kind of toothpaste do you use?
Crest
7) Do you keep up with current events?
Yeah on CourtTV
8) Give your approval rating of President George W. Bush on a 1-100% scale.
I dunno 30%?
9) Do you floss?
Sometimes
10) Do you use any hair products?
Shampoo. And putty.
11) What do you do over summer vacation?
A whhack off.
12) Do you like getting your picture taken?
If Uncle Charlie is taking it...
13) Have you ever taken a picture with the lens cap still on?
Prolly...
14) Are you good at keeping secrets?
Yep
15) Do you cry easily?
If you cut off my hand with a chainsaw then yes
16) Do you "brake for animals"?
I break for your mom.
17) So what school do you go to?
Wilson
18) What grade are you in?
9th
19) Do people at your school smoke in the bathroom?
No
20) Do you smoke?
I smoke your mom
21) Which should have won the Oscar: "Gladiataor" or "Cast Away"?
Cast away
22) Do you like sports?
I hate sports I think they should die. Actually they're ok
23) Are you online a lot?
When I'm not at my house
24) Do you frequently say "LOL" in an online converation?
no i use lmao
25) Do you like watermelon?
i dont know do you like fried chicken?
26) Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
i'm a humainist
27) Did you ever collect Pogs?
it wasnt much of a collection
28) Have you ever had something in class that the teacher "took away" (besides a note or something)?
yes my virginity
29) Has a teacher ever taken away a note of yours and read it in front of the class?
no
30) What are your thoughts about abortion?
pro life unless it's rape or an incest baby
31) What's your favorite card game?
Mills bournes
32) Before a visit to the dentist, do you brush your teeth extra long to make up for the past months of neglect?
i dont neglect my teeth
33) Do you have a pet?
25
34) Which are better: cats or dogs?
depends
35) When eating out at a restaurant, do you tip the server well?
i'm im rich at the time
36) Are you a nutt nutt about putt putt?
i'm a nutt nutt about your mom mom
37) Where's the perfect place to go on a date?
chucky cheeses or the dentist
38) Have you ever gotten into a fist fight?
yes
39) If you were to attend a wedding reception, would you order chicken or beef?
beef
40) Have you ever been stung by a jellyfish?
oh yeah tons of times
41) Do you think teachers have secretive romances with each other?
no they have secret romances with me
42) What's your favorite season?
summer
43) Have you ever dissected an animal? If so what?
yeah my neighbor that i killed
44) Have you ever seen a shooting star?
nope
45) Ever been pulled over by the police?
all the time
46) What's your favorite song of the moment?
I dont know... The Man Who Sold The World?
47) What do you look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend?
lungs
48) When's your birthday?
april 6th
49) Do you read horoscopes?
if im grounded
50) Using a scale of 1-100%, describe how rebellious you are.
50%
51) Do you find marine biology interesting?
uh no
52) Do you have any allergies?
nope
53) Do you speak another language?
i would speak french if ms marshall would teach us french
54) Do you typically get along better with Mom or Dad?
neither. well dad i guess, but he's a druggie. what do you expect?
55) What is your favorite sport?
baseball?
56) Do you play a musical instrument?
i play your mom
57) Do you play video games?
sometimes.
58) Ever beaten a game?
yep
59) Are you the outdoors type?
if it's warm out
60) Are you easily influenced by other people?
yes
61) Are you a leader or a follower?
follower
62) Are you artsy?
i'm fartsy
63) Describe yourself in three words.
I am the best person you'll ever meet and I have make pros and cons that make me who I am but I am happy with the person that I am... does that fit?
64) Describe the person who sent this to you in three words.
ugly fat haggard
65) On a scale of 1-100%, rate how much you liked this survey.
2%
66) Will you pass it on?
no.
Well that was gay.
It's Josh Talun the news reporter! I have to stop being so nice.
So the ugliest kid to ever roam the school... I'd have to say that that award goes to Devan "Hideously Greasy" Weich. I wish I had a picture of him to show everybody just what ugly means. Hey, it would boost their self esteem! I could actually market pictures of him for ugly, insecure people so that when people say "damn, you're ugly!", they could just pull out a picture of Devan and say "well, at least I'm not as ugly as this kid!" If you look up ugly in the Dictionary, it says "see weich". And if you look up weich on Urban Dictionary...
1. weich
1.) The last name of Devan Weich
2.) One of vast uncleanliness, or he who is very greasy, unshaven, etc.
3.) An adjective used to put one down for being unclean.
God damn, you're Weichy!
2. weich
1. Possibly the ugliest person to walk the planet. He is ugly, greasy, and hideous.
2. Who local celebrity Josh Talun says he saw for the first time and almost vomited.
3. One who would be inclined to look over at a fat kid taking a crap and be turned on.
I don't use public bathrooms anymore, I'm afraid there might be a weich in the room.
Don't believe me? Check.
Well, I'm about done. Leave comments or I'll kill you and your family. Or at least, your mom will.
-Jon
EDIT: It's gone! That bastard must have reported those definitions to urban dictionary. Oh well, they'll be forever on my livejournal...