Linosa

[heaven_smile]

The village is small, and isolated. Its narrow, twisting streets are paved with ancient cobblestones. The streets themselves are like a maze, never quite revealing a true center. The buildings in the village are sturdy brick structures, whitewashed, and capped with terra cotta tile roofs. Many of the buildings feature window boxes in which bloom

Comments

[lil_monk]

Nicely written. I really liked the portrayal from Fragile to the whole fountain, which is well-done. Some suggestions, in regards to the passage:

You mentioned the usage of "race" as a foil against the stillness of the village. Warm breezes from the nearby sea race through the alleyways, carrying with them the scent of salt and sand and seaweed.-- In terms of contrast, it could do with an additional sentence or modification to the quoted one, because I can't really feel the contrast. Unless you use a more powerful word or perhaps, greater build-up or description of an action to really highlight that feeling. And I'm not sure what effect you're trying for with the second-last paragraph, which seemed to be more of a narrative in the beginning half.

This time, I'm guessing that your last word is meant to be mystery. It grabs, but it doesn't hook. Perhaps one could try putting the hook of mystery or disturbance somewhere in the middle of the prose, similar to the swell of the waves. One would have to go via trial-and-error for that, to try different ways for practice.

Your first piece was your most powerful. It was suggestive here and there, and then Bang! with a definitive of sorts, which really compels. Maybe one just has to decide on how to play the levels of clarity like a piano ie when to be suggestive, and when to sock the audience in the face for that kind of breath-taking stealth. XD

[heaven_smile]

I agree that the first piece is the best. And the most effective. I wrote it before I had...the idea that I'm in the process of going through with. That is, it's meant to stand alone, and does so fairly well, I think.

The last word is meant to be a mystery, yes. But one that will be explained very soon. Just consider it to be the last word in a chapter.

As for the second to last paragraph, well, for some reason I really had John Singer Sargent's masterpiece El Jaleo on the brain. I really liked the visual image of the aftermath of some kind of pagan-esque celebration around this bizarre statue.