Sue statistics time. Bwahaha.
We all like to laugh at Mary Sue's penchant for describing her features as rare, exotic, or beautiful. However, I don't think we've ever done a test to see exactly how many Sues have these traits. Just how special is our average PotC Mary Sue? Well, by going through all of the Sue descriptions that we have, I managed to gather some interesting statistics. By interesting, of course I mean simultaneously hilarious and disturbing. Without further ado:
Statistics of Described Sues
HAIR
Black: 32%
Blond: 22%
Red: 17%
Brown: 17%
Highlighted: 2%
Gray: 0%
Food-colored: 4% (I didn’t anticipate having this as a category, but I guess frosting brown, caramel, hazelnut, chestnut, truffle, and chocolate are all popular with the Suethors.)
Unidentifiable or wacky: 6% (Includes brown curly hair, but later on it's wavy black hair; long brown hair, or long and black; brunette; bronze; a mixture of various shades of red and gold, ranging from dark red to light blonde. Over-all, it was a bronze- gold colour; golden auburn with the top layer of her hair being done in tiny braids ending in beads and the ends of her hair dyed red and hot pink; black with red streaks; brown and blonde; raven dark with hints of deep cerulean.)
EYES
Green: 32%
Blue: 23%
Brown: 10%
Blue-green: 6%
Multi-colored: 5%
Gray: 5%
Black: 5%
Chocolate brown: 3%
Purple: 3%
Hazel: 2%
Unidentifiable or really wacky: 6% (golden, the color of the sea, ocean pupils, silver, red, golden-speckled smoky blue, etc.)
FIGURE
Slender: 42%
Generically beautiful figure: 25%
Slender AND buxom: 16%
Buxom: 14%
Normal: 3%
Plump: 0%
Fat: 0%
HEIGHT
Tall: 54%
Short: 31%
Normal:15%
SKIN
Tan: 56%
Pale: 36%
Skin that shimmers: 8% (No, I’m not kidding.)
Normal: 0%
The Sue Study
If you, Mary Sue, are described as a character, you are white and under 30, unless you are immortal. Always. End of story.
If your hair is described, it is probably black, with blond coming second and red and brown hair tied at third place. Overall, you have a 71% chance of having black, red, or blond hair, compared with a 17% chance of having normal brown hair.
There are no gray-haired Sues, although a few have “frosted” or “silvery” hair.
If your eyes are described, there is only one chance in ten that they will be normal brown eyes. In fact, there is a 2/3 chance that your eyes will be blue, green, blue-green, or gray. Sadly, you have a much of a chance of having an eye color not found in human beings (ocean pupils?) as you have of possessing normal brown eyes.
For those of you who are surprised that brown hair and brown eyes even have a foothold in the PotC Sueniverse, I’d like to remind you that a significant percentage of Sues are relatives of Jack, Will, or Elizabeth, all of whom have fairly normal hair and eye colors. If you took out of the mix all Sue relatives, the tendency toward light eyes and fair hair would be even greater.
If your height is described, you are most likely tall, although a surprising amount of Sues are short. Normal height is scarcely on the map, but overall, being statuesque seems to be less of a priority than have rare hair and eye colors.
If your skin is described, it is never normal. There are only two options: pale or tan. You are more likely to be tan, which is interesting because a tan woman was thought to be uglier than a pale woman in the colonial era. I’m not touching the shimmering skin thing.
Figures are harder, because of overlap. For examples 42% of Sues described themselves as skinny, and 25% as specifically having beautiful figures. However, it stands to reason that these are not mutually exclusive. An enterprising 16% of Sues are skinny but have ample chests, as well. A normal figure, once again, hardly ever exists.
There are no plump or fat Sues. Ever. End of story.
Analysis
In the world of the PotC Mary Sue, it is a crime to be:
Dark-skinned (unless you have a tan)
Over 30
Fat
Gray-haired
Having a main OC with even one of these traits is repellent to Sue authors. Ironically, the Sue authors all claim to be fans of a movie wherein the vast majority of the cast exhibits at least one of these characteristics.
In the world of Mary Sue, it is a misdemeanor to possess:
Brown hair
Brown eyes
Normal figure
Normal stature
Normal skin
Normal height
A Sue may have brown hair or brown eyes or a normal figure or normal height, though it is unlikely. However, there has NEVER been a Sue reported with all of these traits combined.
Analysis conclusion: In the Sueniverse, it is wrong to look normal, even when no character need be written so that he or she looks good on screen.
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The worst part? These authors, on average, probably ARE brown-haired, brown-eyed, and of medium height and weight. Taking into account everything the authors of these stories WISH that they were...how do you suppose they feel about themselves?
~Araeph