(no subject)
tonight i went shopping with my mom after work.
she suggested we get fast good for dinner.
so whatever....i'm trying to cut back but i did.
so we ended up getting it like 15 minutes before i had to go into dance class.
so i was eating it in the car and when we go to the parking lot of the dance studio....my mom says "OH MY GOD. SLOW DOWN WHEN YOU'RE EATING" meanwhile i had like two bites in a three city block drive. so i said "don't tell me how to eat. i dont tell you to shut up when you are chewing loudly." rude i know. but i hear this shit all the time.
sooo she told me not to talk to her like that. i told her not to treat me like garbage. and then i proceeded to get out of the car and go into the dance studio and finish my dinner there. so she yells "don't go into the studio eating that! you'll look like a pig!" i threw my empty juice box from earlier at her and told her i didn't care what people thought of me as much as her. and slammed the door and left. i was so angry. partially because she DOES treat me like shit and partially because mr. red is currently visiting.
when i got home. she told me she was changing the password to the computer so that i couldnt get on. i asked why. she said because she is. i asked why again. she said because she is. i asked one more time....she said because she CAN. i told her that she doesn't even have a legitament reason and that is lame. she proceeded to yell at me and tell me throwing garbage at her isnt respectful. i told her that calling her daughter fat isnt exactly repsectful either.
my mother then told me she was looking out for what's best for me. doesn't she think that if i wanted to be skinnier i'd put myself on a diet? i mean. she's the one telling me to eat fast food for god sakes.
then she told me not to talk to her.
she just called down the stairs and started talking to me.
i hate her. the way her mind works. the way she treats people. the was she thinks that she is above everyone. everyday she is like that. and i hate it. i can't wait for next september. it will be the happiest step in my life. partially because i am moving away from her and i wont have to see her for weeks on end. and partially because i will just have to keep in touch with the friends that i choose.
that's another dilemma lately. some people...i want to fade away. they bother me. like REALLY bother me. not so much friends as people who are taking over my friends. maybe i need to be more agressive? i dont know. but also there are people missing. holes in my life where people belong. i need them back. or need to find someone to fill them. both situations are quite difficult. especially when i work 6 days a week and have school, coop, band and dance. i'm a busy beaver to say the least. and to fit friends in there is hard without help from the other ends.
i love work....as strange as that sounds. it's easy and makes me smile.
i love dance. it's away to get away from EVERYTHING. i mean everything.
i love coop. the ladies are great and even though they are older...we get along so well.
i love band. i'm the treasurer for exec and being the percussion section leader this year is a treat.
i miss my friends.
i dislike my mother.
i need my father to keep me sane.
i miss my sister and when i do see her my mom ruins it by making me grumpy.
i find is kind of silly how i only write in this journal when i'm sad. but i suppose you could label it as 'therapeutic'? well. whatever it is. i like it and it helps me think of some things and get my mind off of others.
she suggested we get fast good for dinner.
so whatever....i'm trying to cut back but i did.
so we ended up getting it like 15 minutes before i had to go into dance class.
so i was eating it in the car and when we go to the parking lot of the dance studio....my mom says "OH MY GOD. SLOW DOWN WHEN YOU'RE EATING" meanwhile i had like two bites in a three city block drive. so i said "don't tell me how to eat. i dont tell you to shut up when you are chewing loudly." rude i know. but i hear this shit all the time.
sooo she told me not to talk to her like that. i told her not to treat me like garbage. and then i proceeded to get out of the car and go into the dance studio and finish my dinner there. so she yells "don't go into the studio eating that! you'll look like a pig!" i threw my empty juice box from earlier at her and told her i didn't care what people thought of me as much as her. and slammed the door and left. i was so angry. partially because she DOES treat me like shit and partially because mr. red is currently visiting.
when i got home. she told me she was changing the password to the computer so that i couldnt get on. i asked why. she said because she is. i asked why again. she said because she is. i asked one more time....she said because she CAN. i told her that she doesn't even have a legitament reason and that is lame. she proceeded to yell at me and tell me throwing garbage at her isnt respectful. i told her that calling her daughter fat isnt exactly repsectful either.
my mother then told me she was looking out for what's best for me. doesn't she think that if i wanted to be skinnier i'd put myself on a diet? i mean. she's the one telling me to eat fast food for god sakes.
then she told me not to talk to her.
she just called down the stairs and started talking to me.
i hate her. the way her mind works. the way she treats people. the was she thinks that she is above everyone. everyday she is like that. and i hate it. i can't wait for next september. it will be the happiest step in my life. partially because i am moving away from her and i wont have to see her for weeks on end. and partially because i will just have to keep in touch with the friends that i choose.
that's another dilemma lately. some people...i want to fade away. they bother me. like REALLY bother me. not so much friends as people who are taking over my friends. maybe i need to be more agressive? i dont know. but also there are people missing. holes in my life where people belong. i need them back. or need to find someone to fill them. both situations are quite difficult. especially when i work 6 days a week and have school, coop, band and dance. i'm a busy beaver to say the least. and to fit friends in there is hard without help from the other ends.
i love work....as strange as that sounds. it's easy and makes me smile.
i love dance. it's away to get away from EVERYTHING. i mean everything.
i love coop. the ladies are great and even though they are older...we get along so well.
i love band. i'm the treasurer for exec and being the percussion section leader this year is a treat.
i miss my friends.
i dislike my mother.
i need my father to keep me sane.
i miss my sister and when i do see her my mom ruins it by making me grumpy.
i find is kind of silly how i only write in this journal when i'm sad. but i suppose you could label it as 'therapeutic'? well. whatever it is. i like it and it helps me think of some things and get my mind off of others.