Rain brings about sadness
Just sitting here looking out these tinted windows in the office. I feel this deep remorse. An emptiness. I am sad. I think of him. Those good times. He makes me feel happy. But that happiness is fleeting because I know it is not real. It is like forgetting all the bad that hppened in your life and remembering only the good. It makes your life seem happy and fulfilled. In reality, the sadness and bad memories are still there, they simply were pushed to the back to sit dormit. Dormit until the day they haunt you again - if ever.
Some days I wonder if I should let him go. Let him find what ever it is or whom ever it is that he needs in his life. I know it isn't me. He made that clear years ago. Although he says he regrets all that has happened, it still happened. It is what it is. We cannot change the past.
It is almost hard for me to be happy for him. I am an evil person. Walk away now, look away now. Save yourself. I am cold and bitter. And if I am not happy, then should he be happy. Ohhh I am so evil.
*sigh
Someone please pull me out of this black hole .... :*(
Some days I wonder if I should let him go. Let him find what ever it is or whom ever it is that he needs in his life. I know it isn't me. He made that clear years ago. Although he says he regrets all that has happened, it still happened. It is what it is. We cannot change the past.
It is almost hard for me to be happy for him. I am an evil person. Walk away now, look away now. Save yourself. I am cold and bitter. And if I am not happy, then should he be happy. Ohhh I am so evil.
*sigh
Someone please pull me out of this black hole .... :*(