Fighting back the tears and losing the battle
Today was... interesting. I wasn't really feeling it--felt pretty indifferent about everything. I'm pretty worn down and to top it off I'm all hormonal.
Adam came in, there was drama, the getting paid issue came up. Bullshit about Nicole not being able to work with me because of Corporate policies forbid couples from working in the same department--but Nicole couldn't get paid my hours if it came out of another dept's budget--so why couldn't I just get off work, drive home and bring her back to work?
And I'm just feeling like WTF? Adam always tells me one thing and then says something entirely different the next day. So I put it out there and say "So what, you expect me to work the entire season and not get paid?" Lots of bullshit angry words in front of a cook, a dishwasher, and, I'm sure, the entire waitstaff.
And then, Adam says the one thing that sets me off. "It's not my problem, you need to deal with it" and he leaves. And I'm just defeated. I sit outside and think about the money and how fucked up everything is and what am I going to do because I can't see staying if they aren't going to figure out a way to pay me for the 4 months I've already worked and it's just all-around bad.
Stacy came out to ask if I was okay and I just start sobbing. Spilled my guts and during the tears and snot Adam comes back and pats me on the back and says he's talked to the Food & Beverage manager about the discretionary fund and they will get me some money by the end of the week. He's also put my hours onto Sandra's paycheck and she's agreed to pay out to me next week, on payday (both of which could cost him his job.)
It's just a temporary solution but it's something. I hate that it had to come to me balling my eyes out for something to happen. I just don't do that--ever. I barely cry in front of Nicole, much less people that barely know me. Stacy said she'd never seen me show emotion before so she was kinda taken aback. Funny that bitchy!on-a-rampage!Heather isn't "emotion" but whatever... I'm not sure how I feel about that.
And I'm struck by a memory of my mom. The only time I can ever remember her crying. Probably a month after her brain surgery. I remember my aunt coming to our house in the middle of the night and seeing her in my mom's bedroom consoling her. I don't know why it's significant (well, I do) but I don't know why I am thinking about it tonight...
-H