brain cells dying
Soooooooooooo...
Today's mindfuck brought to you by the letters a-u-n-t-i-e.
I just checked the mail and what did I find? A card from my aunt Diana--the one that terrifies me. Those who've read my journal long enough will have been familiar with the horrendous things she has said to me in the past: "you should have used your inheritence to get your stomach stapled", "Nicole is only with you for your money, once that's gone, she'll leave you too" and then when she called to apologize a month later "I'm sorry not for the things I said, but where I said them." Did I mention she said them at my brother's wedding? With Nicole sitting right next to me? YEAH.
So I grudge. Still to this day. The last time I went to Alaska I was verbally attacked by her youngest daughter who was, also hammered. See the connection?
Today I get a card from her with a picture of me as a toddler in New York, afraid to touch the grass as I had never seen it being from Alaska and being a toddler. It was a really touching gesture. Beat home by the fact that she lost her husband last year while I was totally incommunicado because of my depression/suicidal impulses. My brain is just tweaking right out. I am torn between feeling like I'm being lured into the snake's den and believing in second and third chances because she's obviously hurting and I've grudged long enough.
WTF. Life's just full of shit you're so not ready to deal with. That's the moral of this story!
-H