Ultimatum
Well today I gave Lev an ultimatum. If he is not here in 4 months and 3 days, it is over. I've been waiting long enough. I don't know what else to say to him, because he isn't trying. I've been putting 150% into this relationship and he has been putting none. It's not fair. I've lost everyone close to me and that I ever cared about. I don't know how I will cope if we break up.. I really don't. But honestly, I don't think he will come here. He's kept so much and he's lied so much, I can't trust him. I have no friends whatsoever. Rachel is pregnant, so her thoughts are around the baby; Holly is well, I don't know. My parents are going to Egypt in about 2 weeks. I'm extremely jealous, I wish I could go with them. I've never been there and I would love to go. It's raining again outside. I'll enclose the letter I wrote to Lev, so anyone can read it.
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My Darling Levlin,
I have spent hours and hours racking my brain, trying to find a solution to our ever-growing problem. I am searching and searching and reality is I am coming up empty-handed. I am running out of answers, along with strength and hope. I really am. I am writing this letter, trying to word it the right way and ask questions so that nobody gets offended. We have to get to the root of the problem-we HAVE to, because if we don’t we are not going to last. The path we are on, is destructive and we are spiraling downward. I have no clue what is on your mind anymore because you won’t tell me; you have got to open up to me. Communication is the #1 priority in any relationship and if we can’t communicate in our engagement period, how do you think our marriage is going to work? Because it won’t. We have both inflicted hurt and pain and it NEEDS to stop. It has to end. Sweetheart, our actions have consequences and they affect the both of us now. That’s how a marriage is. It is not a one way street.
Darling, I do not understand you anymore, I really don’t. For some reason, all you care about is your parent’s reactions to things; i.e. our getting married in India and my parents’ divorce. Let me tell you something Lev, my parents divorce does not include me (in a way yes, but under these circumstances no). My parents I think were married under partial feelings of love, because my father was in love with a married woman-his best friend’s wife. My father abused my mother their whole marriage, and me to a certain degree. Here in the U.S. we do not put up with abuse; it is considered a crime here. Honestly, I’ve seen your “police” and it’s a sad state. Our police force here in the States are strictly following laws here and we obey them, for the most part. I’m not saying anything about our “wedding in India” because you’re not going to see my side of it. I will say this though, maybe if you would have listened to me, you would be here right now.
I don’t know what to think or believe anymore because frankly, you won’t listen. You’re a stubborn male who thinks he knows everything and won’t listen to advice from others, especially from others who have been in our situation. I don’t know how to believe you because you aren’t honest with me. And I’m sorry that I keep letting you get away with it so easily. Think about it Lev; I grow up being inferior to everyone else and being treated like crap and don’t trust anyone, then one day, I do learn to trust someone and he isn’t honest with me. So what does that tell me? Either you don’t want to come here and you don’t want to be with me and do not know how to tell me, your parents don’t know our whole situation, or you are just being a jerk and taking your sweet time. Your actions have consequences!!
I am really at a loss for words because we both know you won’t listen to me anyways. You never do. So what is the point? Everyone knows I have a problem with stress and anger. And you think that instead of doing things or being honest, you’re helping me. Newsflash: you’re not, you are only making them worse. You aren’t thinking and you know they are going to affect me as well. You are only thinking about yourself Lev. And as I’ve stated before, a marriage is not one person, granted it’s a union but it’s a base of two people.
You asked me to come back to India. At that time, I said yes, because I thought I could. However, at this point in time, I can’t. I’ve told you, I am starting to pay off my bills. It’s just not possible. I’m finally starting to take responsibility for my past actions and getting MY life together and in order. Maybe you should do the same? Realize what is important to you and get your act together. I mean it Lev. Responsibility is taking actions and sacrificing things to get important things done, like bills. So, no, I cannot come to India right now.
I am trying to think of a positive solution, but I have none. You mean a lot to me, but darling, our relationship is going deeper and deeper down the spiral and it’s going to be harder to fix us. Reality: you are going to lose me… If that’s not what you want, you will be here by November 20th. I’m not waiting any longer than that. Your actions here on out will show me whether or not you want to be with me. Lev, we have been apart for too long. I have been putting 120% into the relationship and I can’t do it anymore, especially not alone. I cannot express my feelings to the one I want to be with, hell, I can’t even hold hands or kiss you. I’m an emotional person which is quite ironic because my father and I were hardly ever talking about our feelings. I am at a point in my life where I want to settle down. If that is with you great. I love you more than life itself but I am beginning to feel that that is not enough to save us. I’m doing this all alone and I can’t anymore. It’s your call from now on, otherwise don’t come crying to me if you aren’t here by November 20th and we don’t last. I have seen no action from your side Levlin. If you’re not going to put in the effort to save us, why should I? We’re doing this my way now. Yes, I am giving you an ultimatum because you’re making me give you one; November 20th or no relationship.
I love you Levlin, I really do.
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I don't know what else to say to him anymore. When I went to India and stayed at his house, I found out, he never asked his parents if it was alright; he told them the day before. I am so confused and hurting right now. I don't know where else to write. I care about him and I don't want this relationship to go to waste but I am not waiting around any longer.
**********************************************************************************************************
My Darling Levlin,
I have spent hours and hours racking my brain, trying to find a solution to our ever-growing problem. I am searching and searching and reality is I am coming up empty-handed. I am running out of answers, along with strength and hope. I really am. I am writing this letter, trying to word it the right way and ask questions so that nobody gets offended. We have to get to the root of the problem-we HAVE to, because if we don’t we are not going to last. The path we are on, is destructive and we are spiraling downward. I have no clue what is on your mind anymore because you won’t tell me; you have got to open up to me. Communication is the #1 priority in any relationship and if we can’t communicate in our engagement period, how do you think our marriage is going to work? Because it won’t. We have both inflicted hurt and pain and it NEEDS to stop. It has to end. Sweetheart, our actions have consequences and they affect the both of us now. That’s how a marriage is. It is not a one way street.
Darling, I do not understand you anymore, I really don’t. For some reason, all you care about is your parent’s reactions to things; i.e. our getting married in India and my parents’ divorce. Let me tell you something Lev, my parents divorce does not include me (in a way yes, but under these circumstances no). My parents I think were married under partial feelings of love, because my father was in love with a married woman-his best friend’s wife. My father abused my mother their whole marriage, and me to a certain degree. Here in the U.S. we do not put up with abuse; it is considered a crime here. Honestly, I’ve seen your “police” and it’s a sad state. Our police force here in the States are strictly following laws here and we obey them, for the most part. I’m not saying anything about our “wedding in India” because you’re not going to see my side of it. I will say this though, maybe if you would have listened to me, you would be here right now.
I don’t know what to think or believe anymore because frankly, you won’t listen. You’re a stubborn male who thinks he knows everything and won’t listen to advice from others, especially from others who have been in our situation. I don’t know how to believe you because you aren’t honest with me. And I’m sorry that I keep letting you get away with it so easily. Think about it Lev; I grow up being inferior to everyone else and being treated like crap and don’t trust anyone, then one day, I do learn to trust someone and he isn’t honest with me. So what does that tell me? Either you don’t want to come here and you don’t want to be with me and do not know how to tell me, your parents don’t know our whole situation, or you are just being a jerk and taking your sweet time. Your actions have consequences!!
I am really at a loss for words because we both know you won’t listen to me anyways. You never do. So what is the point? Everyone knows I have a problem with stress and anger. And you think that instead of doing things or being honest, you’re helping me. Newsflash: you’re not, you are only making them worse. You aren’t thinking and you know they are going to affect me as well. You are only thinking about yourself Lev. And as I’ve stated before, a marriage is not one person, granted it’s a union but it’s a base of two people.
You asked me to come back to India. At that time, I said yes, because I thought I could. However, at this point in time, I can’t. I’ve told you, I am starting to pay off my bills. It’s just not possible. I’m finally starting to take responsibility for my past actions and getting MY life together and in order. Maybe you should do the same? Realize what is important to you and get your act together. I mean it Lev. Responsibility is taking actions and sacrificing things to get important things done, like bills. So, no, I cannot come to India right now.
I am trying to think of a positive solution, but I have none. You mean a lot to me, but darling, our relationship is going deeper and deeper down the spiral and it’s going to be harder to fix us. Reality: you are going to lose me… If that’s not what you want, you will be here by November 20th. I’m not waiting any longer than that. Your actions here on out will show me whether or not you want to be with me. Lev, we have been apart for too long. I have been putting 120% into the relationship and I can’t do it anymore, especially not alone. I cannot express my feelings to the one I want to be with, hell, I can’t even hold hands or kiss you. I’m an emotional person which is quite ironic because my father and I were hardly ever talking about our feelings. I am at a point in my life where I want to settle down. If that is with you great. I love you more than life itself but I am beginning to feel that that is not enough to save us. I’m doing this all alone and I can’t anymore. It’s your call from now on, otherwise don’t come crying to me if you aren’t here by November 20th and we don’t last. I have seen no action from your side Levlin. If you’re not going to put in the effort to save us, why should I? We’re doing this my way now. Yes, I am giving you an ultimatum because you’re making me give you one; November 20th or no relationship.
I love you Levlin, I really do.
**********************************************************************************************************
I don't know what else to say to him anymore. When I went to India and stayed at his house, I found out, he never asked his parents if it was alright; he told them the day before. I am so confused and hurting right now. I don't know where else to write. I care about him and I don't want this relationship to go to waste but I am not waiting around any longer.