things not to say to a customer service rep
i'm trying to use my time here to do some good. this is part psa, part frustrated rant at the morons who call me on a daily basis. maybe you'll learn something!
1. "I'd like to speak to a supervisor." - While this is all well and good, and yes, i would LOVE to pass off your shit storm to someone more experienced and patient than i, saying this and then giving me NO other information doesn't do anyone any good. just your name, maybe, so i can pull you up in the system. and a brief description of what is up your ass would be nice. we're not psychic. and maybe there are some places where just calling in will make your account pop up on our screen, but don't assume. i need to get enough information to field the damn call to the right place so we can at least try to assist you correctly. just demanding to speak to a supervisor when your issue isn't supervisor-worthy won't go far either, because i'll just oh so cleverly get the right info out of you and do it myself.
2. "he/she knows me." - no, i can assure you, despite the fact that you felt a deep soulful connection with edgar in the tech department that wednesday three weeks ago, he has no fucking clue who you are by now. do you realize how many identical issues he's dealt with since then? so give me your goddamn account information so i can pull you up. don't assume i remember you either. i have a hard time remembering issues from yesterday. if it's not written down and in my follow up bin, you are gone, baby. gone. nothing personal, either. i'll feel really bad if you're nice, too. just... sorry.
3. "why wasn't i told this before?" - you didn't ask. we don't volunteer information; we answer your questions and that's it. we don't scan your brain and know everything you aren't understanding. worse, i know, but sometimes i can tell you don't understand something but you DON'T ask, and i don't tell you. because if i do, chances are you're going to yell at me, not thank me for setting you straight. it's self-preservation.
4. "that was a joke, you can laugh, you know!" - being jokingly angry or making absurd claims to get a chuckle to a CS rep is like jokingly calling an anorexic a fat cow. we have been told all of this and more by someone who was dead serious in the belief that we are incompetent, stupid, unable to do our jobs and deliberately cheating you out of your money. so forgive me if i don't laugh. if you were serious, and i laughed, the rage from you would be worse, and i'm not allowed to tell you to fuck off, you fucking ignorant jackass.
that's all i got for now... i'll add more as i think of it... good catharsis, at any rate...
1. "I'd like to speak to a supervisor." - While this is all well and good, and yes, i would LOVE to pass off your shit storm to someone more experienced and patient than i, saying this and then giving me NO other information doesn't do anyone any good. just your name, maybe, so i can pull you up in the system. and a brief description of what is up your ass would be nice. we're not psychic. and maybe there are some places where just calling in will make your account pop up on our screen, but don't assume. i need to get enough information to field the damn call to the right place so we can at least try to assist you correctly. just demanding to speak to a supervisor when your issue isn't supervisor-worthy won't go far either, because i'll just oh so cleverly get the right info out of you and do it myself.
2. "he/she knows me." - no, i can assure you, despite the fact that you felt a deep soulful connection with edgar in the tech department that wednesday three weeks ago, he has no fucking clue who you are by now. do you realize how many identical issues he's dealt with since then? so give me your goddamn account information so i can pull you up. don't assume i remember you either. i have a hard time remembering issues from yesterday. if it's not written down and in my follow up bin, you are gone, baby. gone. nothing personal, either. i'll feel really bad if you're nice, too. just... sorry.
3. "why wasn't i told this before?" - you didn't ask. we don't volunteer information; we answer your questions and that's it. we don't scan your brain and know everything you aren't understanding. worse, i know, but sometimes i can tell you don't understand something but you DON'T ask, and i don't tell you. because if i do, chances are you're going to yell at me, not thank me for setting you straight. it's self-preservation.
4. "that was a joke, you can laugh, you know!" - being jokingly angry or making absurd claims to get a chuckle to a CS rep is like jokingly calling an anorexic a fat cow. we have been told all of this and more by someone who was dead serious in the belief that we are incompetent, stupid, unable to do our jobs and deliberately cheating you out of your money. so forgive me if i don't laugh. if you were serious, and i laughed, the rage from you would be worse, and i'm not allowed to tell you to fuck off, you fucking ignorant jackass.
that's all i got for now... i'll add more as i think of it... good catharsis, at any rate...