(no subject)
Life is funny sometimes....you have these really great friends...and you promise eachother that you will always be there for one another and that you will never fall apart like other friends do....but then you do fall apart...you go from seeing eachother all of the time and talking on the phone everyday...to seeing eachother once a week but still talking on the phone everyday...then seeing eachother around once a month and talking on the phone every other day...then you hardly see eachother at all and you don't talk on the phone at all...it really sucks...I mean I knew if would happen...I guess I just wasn't ready for it to happen right now....I need my friend more than ever right now...and I keep on calling...but they never return my calls anymore...and I know that life is busy....but is it really too busy to pick up the phone and see how a friend is doing...I dont think this could be happening at a worst possible time....the pain that I am feeling right now is so harsh....espescially with me and my mother getting into a fight and the words that she said to me keep on echoing through my head everyday...I never would have thought my mom would say that she would want to kill herself...telling me that she should just cut her wrist and not me a burden to me anymore...she is not a burden to me....and it hurts so much that she thinks that she is....I just can't take her constand yelling anymore...we can't even talk anymore.....I wish that I could just get high so for at least for 15 damn minuts I wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore...I am so sick of crying myself to sleep everynight....and I smoke like a damn feind becuase I am constanly nerveous...I am always shakey...I can't even sleep anymore....but then again all I want to do is sleep so I dont have to face the day again...but I guess this is my own fault because I don't let anyone know how I feel...I keep it all inside...I am scared that if I show people how I feel then they wont talk to me anymore...and I have the worst freaking headaches....and then when I do finally fall asleep at night I get these awful images in my head and they won't go away...so I am constantly waking up in cold sweats and I shake really really bad...I don't want to fell like this anymore I can't take it...its driving me crazy...I don't know if it is this house...if it is just my mother...if its me and my supposed best friend not talking to eachother anymore...or if it is all of them rolled into one...but I can't take any of it anymore...