scientists they couldnt fix me im so tired of getting out of bed..

[heatherfields]

Have you ever watched anyone just breathe before. Damn..people think I am insane for staying with him. I have been hearing that for 6 years. But people can't understand what they don't see. He is so beautiful. God but so ugly. He just kills me to the core..but makes me feel more alive than anyone before. He just blows my mind. How come every one of my girlfriends fuck him behind my back. It has beem years since he has cheated..why now..why with a 17 yr old..why in my bed..he tells me its just cause she is a slut. When are the sluts gonna disappear..I have been daling with them for years. I love him. Why does he still hold me. And tell me how much he loves me. Why did I never notice. We have sex everyday..even when he is cheating. Now I have to go get tested. He makes me feel so ugly. People that love eachother don't make them feel like that. I love him so much and I thought I proved that. I am sick of proving myself. I am exhausted. I take care of a 3 yr old. Aside from the last month I had a job working constantly. I mean fuck.
I told him tonight after we made love that I am falling out of love with him. He makes me sick and he needs help. He just pretends I never say things and loves on me like his dick wasn't in someone else 2 weeks ago.
What am I gonna do. I am so sick of being on edge. I just want to feel ok.