(no subject)
Victoria is two months old, and yesterday was my first day back at work. Thinking about it was so much harder/worse than the day and deed itself. First of all, for all of their disorganization, my company was pretty flexible with my comeback plan. The big bummer was that everything was completely unpaid. The upside is that under FMLA I was able to take 8 weeks off full-time, and then use the remaining 4 weeks to return on a part-time basis. So until the end of September, I will be working roughly 7 hours a day on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to total 20 hours a week. Carey was able to get permission for those 8 weeks to work those hours from home, so we've conceivably postponed leaving our daughter with a hired caregiver for another 2 months. Another bonus: Carey's mom was able to come and stay with us this week for my occupational reentry. She's at the ready to help Carey out while he's working from home, and has also helped me to find the time to get chores done and decompress in the evenings.
I had a meltdown the night before I returned to work. Carey was out helping a band with their final mixes. I was trying to get ready for my first workday, organize my materials, work out a feeding pumping schedule with Carey's mom, settle my nerves and ease my disappointment that the concentrated bonding time was over. I didn't do very well, and ended up crying in the shower, after which Victoria and I both had a pretty sleepless night. I woke up with her for good at 6:30am, changed her, nursed her, got ready for work, and arrived at the office at 8am.
My team members had touchingly put a welcome back breakfast together, and I had to balance my delight at the warm welcome with the resignation that I would have to wait at least an hour to tackle my emails and ginormous workload. I got the emails, a few case consultations, and a rather frustrating pumping session (the conference room was the only room with a window I could block off, and then the lock wouldn't work) out of the way before lunch, and then I drove home and nursed my little one. Carey fed me lunch, and the hour was rushed, but nourishing in more ways than one.
I spent the rest of my workday composing a letter of recommendation for a PAS agent, on which I knew I'd be cc'ing my boss. I was asked to have it completed that day, so it was a bit frustrating when I got an out-of-office reply from the PAS agent. Happily, I also got a response from my boss thanking me for jumping in so quickly and effectively. I clocked out at 3:30pm. Carey was able to get a lot accomplished at home, and V napped for much of the day. We had a really lovely evening. I took V for a brisk walk with Carey's mom (Pat), and then we went out to dinner as a family. We all slept well with that first crazy day under our belts.
Today I'm at home tending to domestic duties and V. Pat is here to help (she's currently making lunch in her helpful and unobtrusive way), and Carey is at work until 6 but will stop home for lunch. After lunch, Pat and I will take V shopping. We need groceries (Trader Joe's) and I need to pick up a car adapter for my breast pump.
Victoria is pure joy. Around the six week mark, she started smiling and cooing, and I have fallen for her so hard. She makes eye contact now and smiles, kicks, waves, coos and charms the pants off of us, especially when she's on the changing table, and most intensely in the mornings. It really doesn't matter how difficult she's been overnight when I hear that first delighted gurgle in the morning. She is fattening up and I can't handle the cuteness of her leg folds. Her toes are a work of art, her little peach-fuzzed head smells of vanilla and caramel and unlimited potential. Her eyes are still blue, but we'll see. So far the eye color is the only me I can see in her. She is pure Carey, and this is both enchanting and frustrating for some reason. As far as sleeping goes, when we get the feeding, wind-down, timing, luck and magic right, she goes down for a long time initially, between 4 and 6 hours at a time, and then wakes up every 1.5-2 hours for a diaper change and feeding. I'm always a bit fried and forgetful, but not zombie-like the next day. She's better about napping on her own during the day, allowing me to actually put her down and get some things done (hence this entry). It helps that she's big enough now for this swing: http://www.fisher-price.com/en_US/brands/babygear/products/78521
and this chair: http://www.fisher-price.com/en_US/brands/babygear/products/38320 . The chair was a gift from my coworkers, and we bought the swing used from Once Upon a Child. I highly recommend both of them.
I got the green light from my OB for sex and exercise. She was right about both. Hopefully my continued success with the latter will increase my confidence with the former.
Carey's sister visited with her husband and my sister visited with her husband and 3 year-old daughter. They were two of our favorite visits- it was so fun to relate to them now as parents, ask them questions, benefit from their experience and laugh with them about babies and parenthood and our new perspectives on our own parents and childhood. In particular, long walks with Carey's sister and brother-in-law, and going for a pedicure and smoothies with my sister were soul-sustaining, uber-warm experiences. Seeing my niece hold my daughter was beautiful and amazing. How frustrating it is that we'll never be able to live near all of our family. Sigh.
My energy, determination, and efficiency has increased to encompass the amount of things I need to accomplish and the decreased time I have in which to do them. I can't really remember what I did with so much time before. I still manage to read and watch TV- I just have to do it when V is nursing, which is often. For the time being, life is in tenuous but tolerable balance. I'm trying to soak up every moment.
I had a meltdown the night before I returned to work. Carey was out helping a band with their final mixes. I was trying to get ready for my first workday, organize my materials, work out a feeding pumping schedule with Carey's mom, settle my nerves and ease my disappointment that the concentrated bonding time was over. I didn't do very well, and ended up crying in the shower, after which Victoria and I both had a pretty sleepless night. I woke up with her for good at 6:30am, changed her, nursed her, got ready for work, and arrived at the office at 8am.
My team members had touchingly put a welcome back breakfast together, and I had to balance my delight at the warm welcome with the resignation that I would have to wait at least an hour to tackle my emails and ginormous workload. I got the emails, a few case consultations, and a rather frustrating pumping session (the conference room was the only room with a window I could block off, and then the lock wouldn't work) out of the way before lunch, and then I drove home and nursed my little one. Carey fed me lunch, and the hour was rushed, but nourishing in more ways than one.
I spent the rest of my workday composing a letter of recommendation for a PAS agent, on which I knew I'd be cc'ing my boss. I was asked to have it completed that day, so it was a bit frustrating when I got an out-of-office reply from the PAS agent. Happily, I also got a response from my boss thanking me for jumping in so quickly and effectively. I clocked out at 3:30pm. Carey was able to get a lot accomplished at home, and V napped for much of the day. We had a really lovely evening. I took V for a brisk walk with Carey's mom (Pat), and then we went out to dinner as a family. We all slept well with that first crazy day under our belts.
Today I'm at home tending to domestic duties and V. Pat is here to help (she's currently making lunch in her helpful and unobtrusive way), and Carey is at work until 6 but will stop home for lunch. After lunch, Pat and I will take V shopping. We need groceries (Trader Joe's) and I need to pick up a car adapter for my breast pump.
Victoria is pure joy. Around the six week mark, she started smiling and cooing, and I have fallen for her so hard. She makes eye contact now and smiles, kicks, waves, coos and charms the pants off of us, especially when she's on the changing table, and most intensely in the mornings. It really doesn't matter how difficult she's been overnight when I hear that first delighted gurgle in the morning. She is fattening up and I can't handle the cuteness of her leg folds. Her toes are a work of art, her little peach-fuzzed head smells of vanilla and caramel and unlimited potential. Her eyes are still blue, but we'll see. So far the eye color is the only me I can see in her. She is pure Carey, and this is both enchanting and frustrating for some reason. As far as sleeping goes, when we get the feeding, wind-down, timing, luck and magic right, she goes down for a long time initially, between 4 and 6 hours at a time, and then wakes up every 1.5-2 hours for a diaper change and feeding. I'm always a bit fried and forgetful, but not zombie-like the next day. She's better about napping on her own during the day, allowing me to actually put her down and get some things done (hence this entry). It helps that she's big enough now for this swing: http://www.fisher-price.com/en_US/brands/babygear/products/78521
and this chair: http://www.fisher-price.com/en_US/brands/babygear/products/38320 . The chair was a gift from my coworkers, and we bought the swing used from Once Upon a Child. I highly recommend both of them.
I got the green light from my OB for sex and exercise. She was right about both. Hopefully my continued success with the latter will increase my confidence with the former.
Carey's sister visited with her husband and my sister visited with her husband and 3 year-old daughter. They were two of our favorite visits- it was so fun to relate to them now as parents, ask them questions, benefit from their experience and laugh with them about babies and parenthood and our new perspectives on our own parents and childhood. In particular, long walks with Carey's sister and brother-in-law, and going for a pedicure and smoothies with my sister were soul-sustaining, uber-warm experiences. Seeing my niece hold my daughter was beautiful and amazing. How frustrating it is that we'll never be able to live near all of our family. Sigh.
My energy, determination, and efficiency has increased to encompass the amount of things I need to accomplish and the decreased time I have in which to do them. I can't really remember what I did with so much time before. I still manage to read and watch TV- I just have to do it when V is nursing, which is often. For the time being, life is in tenuous but tolerable balance. I'm trying to soak up every moment.