(no subject)
so here i am...sitting at home just took a long hot shower...read like 5 long ass essays for comp...sucks real bad...pretty much everything sucks real bad right now though...i mean...nothing has gone wrong...but nothing has gone right either...i'm just so bored with life...bored with everything...sick of being alone...sick of everything...everyday is the same...nothing is ever different...i hate it..i'm beginning to hate life, the only thing i do is school and work...thats it, well me and rachael hang out which is fun and all...but...i'm just so BORED! i hate it i hate life, i hate being alone...thats what it comes down to...when i was with derek there was always something ot do, some stupid idiodic thing that he wanted to do that drove me nuts...but at least it was something right? but then i wonder all the shit he put me and through and vis versa was it worth it? YES!!! it was!! he gave me something to think about, someone to talk to, something to do and most of all someone to love...and i've been so lost for so long, and he doesn't even care! that drives me CRAZY!! i told him how i felt and he still doesn't care, he pretends like nothing is wrong but wants me to be there for him every waking second but where is he now...when i need him...WHO KNOWWS!!! thats where! i need to get out of this town...start a whole new life only keeping certain important people still in my life...i don't know...i'm talking crazy and i'm very depressing...but ooo well...thats what this is for right?? to say how i feel...well i feel SUCKY!