the stills.
I realize now the reason why I haven't listened to music often this summer. And why I haven't been connecting to music the way I used to. And its because I haven't listened to anything new. And I was give a copy of the Stills - Logic Will Break Your Heart, and I've just wanted to know and to feel this. Its entirely new and just brings me to another place. And that makes what was puzzling and almost upsetting understandable. A mission for September. Find new music.
Maybe the reason my throat is so sore, and the reason it hurts to drink water, is because I have just completed my 24th consecutive working day. And maybe the reason why once I return to Peterborough I sleep for almost infinite amounts of time will be because I'm exhausted and broken and need to be rejuvenated. I want to remember why I would wake up in the morning not to go to work. I want to be able to choose everything I get to do for an entire day! I really can't imagine what this is like anymore, not after this summer. Not after the number of hours I have worked. I don't want to be sick. I want to be healed.
Mimi and I are on terms, and this is something that is unbelievable. And exciting. And when we spent Monday night eating ice cream together and walking about, and eating candy.. I remembered what it was like before. And I'm surprised that we have turned around in this way. I'm sad that we are going back to our university towns. Because I would love to have the opportunity to be close to her again. She is truly an extraordinary girl. And one who understands me in a way others do not. My desire to be the girl, her desire to be the girl.
When I think about my return to Peterborough I feel genuinely happy. But at the same time, I feel as though I'm leaving Kingston prematurely. I always feel this way, when leaving one place for another. Right now I feel as though I've just begun to establish really potentially good friendships and relationships. I feel as though I've begun to reestablish relationships I thought were lost. And this is incredible. And I don't want to leave all of this behind. I will miss the fort boys to an extreme. I will miss everything I know of each one. This could be followed by an extremely detailed list of everything about the fort boys that I love. But I will do it another time. Because right now I have so many thoughts.
Speaking with Chloe tonight was lovely, and I miss Chloe and the silly crazy stuff we do together. I told her of my desire to make banners all the time for the house with paint, because I love the idea of making banners with paint, and I have never done it before. We have created ideas of what we can make banners of. We talked about our house at 452 Park Street, which I love with my whole self already. I know its history and Ben, Geoff and Chris who lived there before us created something in the house that we can continue. Only our version of the house will be more colourful and more magical and more fun on a visual level. Last night I mailed a key to Celeste who is lovely. I included with it a letter, and a drawing on the back of two tulips, a sun, three clouds, one balloon, one apple tree and one dinosaur with eleven spots. I think she will appreciate the drawing. I certainly would.
And now someone I don't know is using the msn of someone I do know, and said "fuck you" when I didn't even do anything. I'm puzzled.
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
next time you talk about me say it to my face
because i'm empty. 15 days. says:
what??
because i'm empty. 15 days. says:
this is madness
because i'm empty. 15 days. says:
i'm sorry?
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
hahah fuck you, this isn't even andy
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
just try to whisper a little quieter when you talk about people
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
or grow the balls to say it to the face
Suddenly I feel sick.
And then he tells me that he was a boy who was at Andy's house once when I was there with squad boys one night after a Sunset Ceremony. This was July 7th. And I called him sketchy, and he heard me. And this results. I can't imagine freaking out like this at someone I didn't know. A little high strung I think.
Andy only hates the fort because tomorrow is his birthday and he has been sick for two days and can't call in sick tomorrow because they want him to get a sick note from a doctor and he doesn't have a doctor in Kingston. Tomorrow I'm going to buy him balloons and ice cream.
Maybe the reason my throat is so sore, and the reason it hurts to drink water, is because I have just completed my 24th consecutive working day. And maybe the reason why once I return to Peterborough I sleep for almost infinite amounts of time will be because I'm exhausted and broken and need to be rejuvenated. I want to remember why I would wake up in the morning not to go to work. I want to be able to choose everything I get to do for an entire day! I really can't imagine what this is like anymore, not after this summer. Not after the number of hours I have worked. I don't want to be sick. I want to be healed.
Mimi and I are on terms, and this is something that is unbelievable. And exciting. And when we spent Monday night eating ice cream together and walking about, and eating candy.. I remembered what it was like before. And I'm surprised that we have turned around in this way. I'm sad that we are going back to our university towns. Because I would love to have the opportunity to be close to her again. She is truly an extraordinary girl. And one who understands me in a way others do not. My desire to be the girl, her desire to be the girl.
When I think about my return to Peterborough I feel genuinely happy. But at the same time, I feel as though I'm leaving Kingston prematurely. I always feel this way, when leaving one place for another. Right now I feel as though I've just begun to establish really potentially good friendships and relationships. I feel as though I've begun to reestablish relationships I thought were lost. And this is incredible. And I don't want to leave all of this behind. I will miss the fort boys to an extreme. I will miss everything I know of each one. This could be followed by an extremely detailed list of everything about the fort boys that I love. But I will do it another time. Because right now I have so many thoughts.
Speaking with Chloe tonight was lovely, and I miss Chloe and the silly crazy stuff we do together. I told her of my desire to make banners all the time for the house with paint, because I love the idea of making banners with paint, and I have never done it before. We have created ideas of what we can make banners of. We talked about our house at 452 Park Street, which I love with my whole self already. I know its history and Ben, Geoff and Chris who lived there before us created something in the house that we can continue. Only our version of the house will be more colourful and more magical and more fun on a visual level. Last night I mailed a key to Celeste who is lovely. I included with it a letter, and a drawing on the back of two tulips, a sun, three clouds, one balloon, one apple tree and one dinosaur with eleven spots. I think she will appreciate the drawing. I certainly would.
And now someone I don't know is using the msn of someone I do know, and said "fuck you" when I didn't even do anything. I'm puzzled.
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
next time you talk about me say it to my face
because i'm empty. 15 days. says:
what??
because i'm empty. 15 days. says:
this is madness
because i'm empty. 15 days. says:
i'm sorry?
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
hahah fuck you, this isn't even andy
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
just try to whisper a little quieter when you talk about people
Andy: I HATE FORT HENRY! says:
or grow the balls to say it to the face
Suddenly I feel sick.
And then he tells me that he was a boy who was at Andy's house once when I was there with squad boys one night after a Sunset Ceremony. This was July 7th. And I called him sketchy, and he heard me. And this results. I can't imagine freaking out like this at someone I didn't know. A little high strung I think.
Andy only hates the fort because tomorrow is his birthday and he has been sick for two days and can't call in sick tomorrow because they want him to get a sick note from a doctor and he doesn't have a doctor in Kingston. Tomorrow I'm going to buy him balloons and ice cream.