juicy details, part 1
You ask, sweet_ali and you receive...
I'm not so good with the juice but I'll try. I met The Boy about 5 months now...I think? I have absolutely no concept of time. He called, we talked, he called again, left a message, I never called him back. I thought he was too young. I'm five years older, which now I guess doesn't seem like such a bad thing but then it just skeeved me out. I kept thinking when I was watching my mom speed out, he wasn't even born yet. When I was graduating high school, he was in the 8th grade. When I was leaving college, he was graduating high school. And so on and so forth. So I sort of just did what I always do when it comes to a man who shows any interest in me...I let it go.
So BF and I go to the same bar/restaurant/thing that we met him at and his friends were there and I'm just thinking, great. This will be nice and not awkward. But he's not there so I'm thinking good, that makes the whole thing much easier. Then, of course, he comes in. Looking adorable in a White Snake concert t-shirt and jeans and he asks where his friends are, I point and he just says thanks and walks away. I laughed my ass off. I thought it was the best thing ever. I still am not completely sure why and BF never understood why that won me over but I think it was because he gave me that nod and the flippant thanks. He was not going to fall to his knees because I was there nor was he going to ask why I didn't call him back. He made it clear that the ball was in my court and I could either talk to him or not.
So I did because by him not doing anything, I was intrigued. Oh, yeah, totally played me like a fiddle but I liked it. I just got the impression that in that simple moment, he was calling me on my shit and I had to step up to the plate.
I went over when his friends scattered and spoke to him. I lied and said I didn't get his message (which eventually told him I did). I don't think he believed me anyway but he went with it. We talked and just hung out and it was really nice. We went to his friends new house and we were all alone and he didn't even try to kiss me which was both sweet and annoying because then I didn't know what the hell was going on.
A week later we go on the "first date" and I go shopping and buy new jeans and this lacy camisole thing that I feel all confident and booby in. But as soon as I drive to meet him, I feel like I'm far too exposed so I grab my coat in the back and keep it on for the rest of the night. I'm such a wuss. Anyhoo, dinner went fine and we went to see a comedy show which was fairly raunchy (a random sample of a joke: If Nomar was a vegetarian, would he still eat Hamm?). After all that, I drop him off at his car and he's like, "Can I get a hug?" so I gave him one because I'm nice like that and he's opening the door and I'm like, woah! Hugs? Seriously? So I did what any self-respecting 27 year old who had been through too much bullshit with men would do and I attacked him.
It was nice. It was appreciated. I always pick the shy ones that I seem to break in and then once they have the confidence they need, they leave me to try out there kissing techniques on other women. Anyways, that was that. We went to a Celtics game which was fantastic. I wasn't so into going as that day I was with the Ex at his mom's funeral but it actually turned out to be exactly what I needed.
The Ex did, of course, try all his old tricks but I stood strong and told him no. My past is no secret to The Boy. I felt (and I may have been wrong in doing so as a male friend of mine recently told me) that I had to let him know exactly what he was getting into. It wasn't like I spent one date explaining the entire Ex situation but over the course of our time spent together, he found out. Probably more than he ever wanted to know but I'm fairly, okay, not fairly, extremely neurotic and I lack the self-confidence I feel that I need to deal with men. I'm the epitome of the walking doormat and I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't let anyone, especially another man, do what I allowed the Ex to do to me again.
He isn't perfect, by any means. He's messed up a couple of times (not calling after sleeping with me, assuming that I wouldn't want to hang out with his friends so he just didn't ask and went without me and I stayed home and did nothing) but we talk it out and everything seems to right itself. He's learning, I'm teaching, I think. He doesn't have the most experience with the chicks but I kind of like that, too, but sometimes his naivete over how to handle the situation drives me batty. Isn't it common sense to call the person you call your girlfriend after you've had sex? Isn't it better to ask someone if they would like to go to a party or not instead of just assuming they wouldn't?
I explain as best I can. I think I'm probably one of the least demanding girlfriends he'll ever have. I don't expect much but at the same I do expect a lot of things that I will never admit to expecting. They're just silly little things that I always wanted but never got and when he does one of them, he gets a treat. I react strongly when he hurts my feelings...far more than I mean to but I think because I used to sit back and take it, I'm almost physically incapable of doing so now. I cut him slack for things, but I wonder how much slack should be cut? I am so petrified of ending up in the same situation again that I think I hurt myself more than help myself.
So I guess we're both learning and teaching. It's nice. He makes me feel good and I believe I make him feel good. We're just enjoying each other's company, taking it for what it is and I'm trying to deal with loving him. Because I do and it scares me shitless and I'm scared he'll find out because what then? I admitted it to my mom and she's like I tried to tell you that when we came down for your birthday. She may be right but I won't be saying yes or no to that, either. That would have been 3 months. And I'm one of those people that just doesn't think falling in love with someone in such a short period of time is possible. I don't know how people do that. I'm not saying it doesn't happen for anyone (my mom and Rick are perfect examples of that whole love at first sight thing) but as for me? I don't allow it. I can't and it's killing me now to even admit just on here that I love him. I just don't know what to do with that. My MO is to run and hide but I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to break my pattern. I'm trying to just be. With him. In love. Happy.
It's interesting. That's for damn sure.
I'm house/dogsitting for BF until Sunday. Nice little mini-break. And there's a pool. Sweet!
Typing like a mad woman, kskitten and hopefully it will be in Ali's hot little hands this weekend.
I'm going shopping Friday. To steal from my girl, tlace *shakes rump*
Please rec me good music. I love my DC but I think I may put myself into a DC-induced coma if I listen to any more of it. Must make a break. Yesterday I was driving home from work and the car in front of me had an I heart DC bumper sticker on it. I squeed like a crazy fangirl.
I finally changed the layout of this place (no pic on top, yet...maybe soon), made a new default icon (whee! GIP) and learned how to filter my friends list. Wow. Makes things so much easier!
To those working: Is it just me or is the work day just getting longer and longer? I seriously feel like my life is being sucked dry.
And on that happy note...
I'm not so good with the juice but I'll try. I met The Boy about 5 months now...I think? I have absolutely no concept of time. He called, we talked, he called again, left a message, I never called him back. I thought he was too young. I'm five years older, which now I guess doesn't seem like such a bad thing but then it just skeeved me out. I kept thinking when I was watching my mom speed out, he wasn't even born yet. When I was graduating high school, he was in the 8th grade. When I was leaving college, he was graduating high school. And so on and so forth. So I sort of just did what I always do when it comes to a man who shows any interest in me...I let it go.
So BF and I go to the same bar/restaurant/thing that we met him at and his friends were there and I'm just thinking, great. This will be nice and not awkward. But he's not there so I'm thinking good, that makes the whole thing much easier. Then, of course, he comes in. Looking adorable in a White Snake concert t-shirt and jeans and he asks where his friends are, I point and he just says thanks and walks away. I laughed my ass off. I thought it was the best thing ever. I still am not completely sure why and BF never understood why that won me over but I think it was because he gave me that nod and the flippant thanks. He was not going to fall to his knees because I was there nor was he going to ask why I didn't call him back. He made it clear that the ball was in my court and I could either talk to him or not.
So I did because by him not doing anything, I was intrigued. Oh, yeah, totally played me like a fiddle but I liked it. I just got the impression that in that simple moment, he was calling me on my shit and I had to step up to the plate.
I went over when his friends scattered and spoke to him. I lied and said I didn't get his message (which eventually told him I did). I don't think he believed me anyway but he went with it. We talked and just hung out and it was really nice. We went to his friends new house and we were all alone and he didn't even try to kiss me which was both sweet and annoying because then I didn't know what the hell was going on.
A week later we go on the "first date" and I go shopping and buy new jeans and this lacy camisole thing that I feel all confident and booby in. But as soon as I drive to meet him, I feel like I'm far too exposed so I grab my coat in the back and keep it on for the rest of the night. I'm such a wuss. Anyhoo, dinner went fine and we went to see a comedy show which was fairly raunchy (a random sample of a joke: If Nomar was a vegetarian, would he still eat Hamm?). After all that, I drop him off at his car and he's like, "Can I get a hug?" so I gave him one because I'm nice like that and he's opening the door and I'm like, woah! Hugs? Seriously? So I did what any self-respecting 27 year old who had been through too much bullshit with men would do and I attacked him.
It was nice. It was appreciated. I always pick the shy ones that I seem to break in and then once they have the confidence they need, they leave me to try out there kissing techniques on other women. Anyways, that was that. We went to a Celtics game which was fantastic. I wasn't so into going as that day I was with the Ex at his mom's funeral but it actually turned out to be exactly what I needed.
The Ex did, of course, try all his old tricks but I stood strong and told him no. My past is no secret to The Boy. I felt (and I may have been wrong in doing so as a male friend of mine recently told me) that I had to let him know exactly what he was getting into. It wasn't like I spent one date explaining the entire Ex situation but over the course of our time spent together, he found out. Probably more than he ever wanted to know but I'm fairly, okay, not fairly, extremely neurotic and I lack the self-confidence I feel that I need to deal with men. I'm the epitome of the walking doormat and I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't let anyone, especially another man, do what I allowed the Ex to do to me again.
He isn't perfect, by any means. He's messed up a couple of times (not calling after sleeping with me, assuming that I wouldn't want to hang out with his friends so he just didn't ask and went without me and I stayed home and did nothing) but we talk it out and everything seems to right itself. He's learning, I'm teaching, I think. He doesn't have the most experience with the chicks but I kind of like that, too, but sometimes his naivete over how to handle the situation drives me batty. Isn't it common sense to call the person you call your girlfriend after you've had sex? Isn't it better to ask someone if they would like to go to a party or not instead of just assuming they wouldn't?
I explain as best I can. I think I'm probably one of the least demanding girlfriends he'll ever have. I don't expect much but at the same I do expect a lot of things that I will never admit to expecting. They're just silly little things that I always wanted but never got and when he does one of them, he gets a treat. I react strongly when he hurts my feelings...far more than I mean to but I think because I used to sit back and take it, I'm almost physically incapable of doing so now. I cut him slack for things, but I wonder how much slack should be cut? I am so petrified of ending up in the same situation again that I think I hurt myself more than help myself.
So I guess we're both learning and teaching. It's nice. He makes me feel good and I believe I make him feel good. We're just enjoying each other's company, taking it for what it is and I'm trying to deal with loving him. Because I do and it scares me shitless and I'm scared he'll find out because what then? I admitted it to my mom and she's like I tried to tell you that when we came down for your birthday. She may be right but I won't be saying yes or no to that, either. That would have been 3 months. And I'm one of those people that just doesn't think falling in love with someone in such a short period of time is possible. I don't know how people do that. I'm not saying it doesn't happen for anyone (my mom and Rick are perfect examples of that whole love at first sight thing) but as for me? I don't allow it. I can't and it's killing me now to even admit just on here that I love him. I just don't know what to do with that. My MO is to run and hide but I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to break my pattern. I'm trying to just be. With him. In love. Happy.
It's interesting. That's for damn sure.
And on that happy note...