(no subject)
why do i get so restless?
something happened the other night night. it shook me.
it didn't shake me in the way that makes you doubt the core of your beliefs. au contraire.. it shook me into knowing there are more important things than my life. love, for instance. regardless of what kind. it showed me temperance. it showed me that i want that strength outside myself. i want to love to protect and encourage and i want to be loved to strength and resolution.
i have never felt more foolish in my entire life, and yet at the same time knowing that i couldn't get angry. it wasn't a time like that. it was a time that was like when you're nearly finished with a puzzle, and you realize there's one little piece missing, and for whatever reason, that one little missing piece just makes it so easy to see the other pieces individually rather than to look for the whole picture.
and i can't stop thinking about it. even the novel i'm reading makes it difficult to think of anything else. but i don't WANT to think of it. that's the problem. and i know i'm not the only one.. and it scares me. i don't want to be examined with sobriety. or do i? because it means it's going to hurt less later? when it's being weighed carefully, that's not as big a risk?
i just want to travel. i want to jump on a plane and go. i want to stop time so that i never have to think of it--of responsibilities, of age, of sleep, of hunger, of the world.
and at the same time i so desperately want to think of all those things.
i'm thinking too much lately.
or maybe it's just weird to express it all in words again.
arianne and nikki: <3 :)
texas eggnog is so much better.
something happened the other night night. it shook me.
it didn't shake me in the way that makes you doubt the core of your beliefs. au contraire.. it shook me into knowing there are more important things than my life. love, for instance. regardless of what kind. it showed me temperance. it showed me that i want that strength outside myself. i want to love to protect and encourage and i want to be loved to strength and resolution.
i have never felt more foolish in my entire life, and yet at the same time knowing that i couldn't get angry. it wasn't a time like that. it was a time that was like when you're nearly finished with a puzzle, and you realize there's one little piece missing, and for whatever reason, that one little missing piece just makes it so easy to see the other pieces individually rather than to look for the whole picture.
and i can't stop thinking about it. even the novel i'm reading makes it difficult to think of anything else. but i don't WANT to think of it. that's the problem. and i know i'm not the only one.. and it scares me. i don't want to be examined with sobriety. or do i? because it means it's going to hurt less later? when it's being weighed carefully, that's not as big a risk?
i just want to travel. i want to jump on a plane and go. i want to stop time so that i never have to think of it--of responsibilities, of age, of sleep, of hunger, of the world.
and at the same time i so desperately want to think of all those things.
i'm thinking too much lately.
or maybe it's just weird to express it all in words again.
arianne and nikki: <3 :)
texas eggnog is so much better.