(no subject)
How do I describe this feeling? It was such a whirlwind. In the last seventy-two hours, I was picked up and dropped into an emotion I cannot describe. Uplifted but weighted down by a pit in my stomach. I woke up this morning feeling like I cannot be the same as I have been. I was trying to hold onto every moment, but everything was moving too quickly. Moments and instances would replay right after they happened. Thinking about how badly I anticipated this end, only to discover how much I did enjoy every step of the way all along. I've been in school for seventeen years. Los Coyotes, Walker, Kennedy, CSULB, Cypress and Fullerton to UCLA... to think of this as being some sort of end seems unreal. I walked up to the platform, handed them my card, extended my arm to shake his hand to except a piece of paper that carries so much weight. My heart was pounding, I couldn't hear a thing. It's as if my ears went deaf for just those few seconds. I didn't even hear my name over the speakers. And immediately following, hearing the screaming coming from the distant left corner of Dickson Court, was one of the warmest feelings I ever felt.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of living in the past knowing how great everything has been. I'm afraid of what's next. I don't know what's in store for me. And what comforts me more than anything is knowing that I am surrounded by such amazing people. I cannot forgive myself for not mentioning my parents in that make shift speech during dinner yesterday night, thinking that by writing it down will somehow redeem myself. They are my favorite. They've put their three daughters through college. And even when I felt I couldn't pull through, all they said was to simply try my best. That's all they ever asked of me. And I hope that I've made them proud, and I hope to continually make them proud. There are no words to express my extreme gratitude and love for my family.
What I know in my heart is that I know I am not afraid to love the people in my life. I am not afraid to give a person my all. I know that I can give my heart to someone. And I am willing to give that heart knowing that that person has the power to hurt it or nourish it. I am vulnerable, but I trust. I trust that I am surrounded by great people. And for that I cannot ask for more.
Thank you for putting up with me.
Thank you, everyone.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of living in the past knowing how great everything has been. I'm afraid of what's next. I don't know what's in store for me. And what comforts me more than anything is knowing that I am surrounded by such amazing people. I cannot forgive myself for not mentioning my parents in that make shift speech during dinner yesterday night, thinking that by writing it down will somehow redeem myself. They are my favorite. They've put their three daughters through college. And even when I felt I couldn't pull through, all they said was to simply try my best. That's all they ever asked of me. And I hope that I've made them proud, and I hope to continually make them proud. There are no words to express my extreme gratitude and love for my family.
What I know in my heart is that I know I am not afraid to love the people in my life. I am not afraid to give a person my all. I know that I can give my heart to someone. And I am willing to give that heart knowing that that person has the power to hurt it or nourish it. I am vulnerable, but I trust. I trust that I am surrounded by great people. And for that I cannot ask for more.
Thank you for putting up with me.
Thank you, everyone.