blah
i have to wake up to go to work in less than 8 hours, but i cant sleep.
i'm in such a funk right now. i don't know what to do about school and its killing me. i'm racking my brain and crying on a daily basis because i just don't know what to do. i don't really want to go back to suffolk. that school bring out the worst in me. after coming so far from the lowest point in my entire life, i'm really scared if the temptation is there i'm going to fall back into addiction. it doesnt even have the major i want, i'm deffinetly not going back for junior year, and almost all of the few good friends i made at school last year are not coming back. not to mention that its 2.5 hours away from gil which is going to kill me seeing as how i miss him after not seeing him for a day when we're in the same town.
i dont know. i applied to the new york film academy. its in a big city, i would be near 5 of my best friends plus all of the wagner kids i've met. i would get my degree in two years and would know pretty much everything there is and that i need to make it in the film industry. and sure, i would still be far from gil, but it wouldn't be so bad since i would be learning how to do something i love.
its wierd. i've just been in such a funk the past few weeks. i've been so stressed and so upset and i've been doing my best to hide it and try to just work it all out in my mind but its not working.
and i have no reason to be upset. i have great friends. i'm in love with the most amazing guy i've ever met. i do fun things. i know people care about me. maybe its about time i need to start taking the antidepressents again as much as i hate the idea of it. i think that its coming down to the point where if i dont i may go nuts.
not to mention the more i think about it, the more disgusted i get with how out of shape i've let myself get. i wish i could just snap my fingers and be the person i was before i left for college.
i suppose i have a lot of thinking to do.
anywho, i'm working 40 hours a week at the crapstone so chances are of you come visit i will be there. so come visit.
<3
i'm in such a funk right now. i don't know what to do about school and its killing me. i'm racking my brain and crying on a daily basis because i just don't know what to do. i don't really want to go back to suffolk. that school bring out the worst in me. after coming so far from the lowest point in my entire life, i'm really scared if the temptation is there i'm going to fall back into addiction. it doesnt even have the major i want, i'm deffinetly not going back for junior year, and almost all of the few good friends i made at school last year are not coming back. not to mention that its 2.5 hours away from gil which is going to kill me seeing as how i miss him after not seeing him for a day when we're in the same town.
i dont know. i applied to the new york film academy. its in a big city, i would be near 5 of my best friends plus all of the wagner kids i've met. i would get my degree in two years and would know pretty much everything there is and that i need to make it in the film industry. and sure, i would still be far from gil, but it wouldn't be so bad since i would be learning how to do something i love.
its wierd. i've just been in such a funk the past few weeks. i've been so stressed and so upset and i've been doing my best to hide it and try to just work it all out in my mind but its not working.
and i have no reason to be upset. i have great friends. i'm in love with the most amazing guy i've ever met. i do fun things. i know people care about me. maybe its about time i need to start taking the antidepressents again as much as i hate the idea of it. i think that its coming down to the point where if i dont i may go nuts.
not to mention the more i think about it, the more disgusted i get with how out of shape i've let myself get. i wish i could just snap my fingers and be the person i was before i left for college.
i suppose i have a lot of thinking to do.
anywho, i'm working 40 hours a week at the crapstone so chances are of you come visit i will be there. so come visit.
<3