i suck at life
i think i suffer from severe depression.. or it could just be the pill.. but whatever it is it needs to stop. i'm sad about anything, everything, and nothing at the same time. i start crying for no reason and out of the blue. i can't have a good time anymore without worrying about something else. when was the last time i actually had a good time? i can't remember. i pretend i'm happy all the time but i'm the complete opposite. i have nothing really to be sad about, but i am. i wake up most days thinking about going somewhere and not coming back. i'm tired of the same routine and the same people. there has to be something more than this. i hate how i look anymore. i refuse to see a therapist or anyone else for that matter that i have to pay for them to tell me what i already know and not solve anything. i know what i have to do i just don't know how to do it. i'm 20 years old. i want to start living like i'm 20 and not like i'm 16. i hate relying on my boyfriend to hang out with me all the time because no one else will, and then getting mad when he makes plans with his friends who he never sees. i hate how i always give and hardly ever get.
my dad's best friend is in the hospital in Scranton suffering from a punchered lung and broken ribs. he was involved in a car accident a week ago today where he swirved from hitting a deer and went through a guardrail and hit a tree. at the time they thought he was heavily intoxicated, but now they're thinking he had a stroke. he may have lost vision in his right eye. they're keeping him under anaesthsia for about a week or so until he can handle the excruciating pain. my whole family has been crazy all week worrying about him and everyday i pray for him to get better. i can't picture the world without him.
on a happier note.. bob dylan makes me happy. i applied to pace.
my dad's best friend is in the hospital in Scranton suffering from a punchered lung and broken ribs. he was involved in a car accident a week ago today where he swirved from hitting a deer and went through a guardrail and hit a tree. at the time they thought he was heavily intoxicated, but now they're thinking he had a stroke. he may have lost vision in his right eye. they're keeping him under anaesthsia for about a week or so until he can handle the excruciating pain. my whole family has been crazy all week worrying about him and everyday i pray for him to get better. i can't picture the world without him.
on a happier note.. bob dylan makes me happy. i applied to pace.