how do i explain everything?

[heartsunderfeet]

This gun's bullets are pointed towards my heart, and i hope you love me. You cry that you do, but I can see your tears dancing at the thought of my death. My life was always of the suicidal nature, and my thoughts have come to fruit. My knife has been dulled from over use, and my skin shows the marks. The blood on my floor and computer screen tell a different tale than the one these adults tell. She screams at me, and i crumble to the floor with shame. She yells remarks and my heart is broken in 17 pieces, one for every year i've dragged my feet. This isn't really happening. I hear him screaming my hearts desires, and i can't get a grip. The holes on my sleeve, are reminiscent of those in my heart, and since my heart has always resided on my sleeve, i guess you wouldn't notice. I'm sorry for being the pathetic excuse. I'm sorry for being the one to drag you down. I'm sorry for being the heart you had to take care of. I'm sorry for every ounce of blood i spilt on your behalf. Im sorry i hurt you. I'm sorry i hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm SORRY I hurt you.

I got a little upset, so i wrote. I never meant to 'brush you off' I just can't get over this feeling that I'm hurting you more and more with each word. So i guess im just trying to lessen your pain. Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry this weekend has ended in pain. I hope the night brings life. Will my tears show you I care? How about my blood...?

-x-