Passionate spring
In the last few weeks I have been reaping the whirlwind in ways I am not ready to describe.
Yesterday I turned 32. I spent the whole day at work because we had a rancher conservation workshop in the evening that I had to stay for, so it was a really long day. But it was a good one in some ways because throughout the day I kept getting emails and phone calls from friends and loved ones wishing me a happy birthday, and I had lunch with one of my very good friends, and I came home to the main room of my house with new paint and carpet finished in it. Which is really, really wonderful for me, because the faded ugliness of the brown and beige that came with the house was truly oppressive to me, so having decent color to surround me in my house is like being given the ability to breathe properly and relax in my home for the first time since I've lived there, for a birthday present.
dionysusdevotee is a sweet bower-bird of a husband.
The other birthday present is unfolding in my heart.
I'm 32, and I thought about where I have arrived and where I am still going. I have a lot of richness in my life, and a lot of hard work too. I struggle with obligations that I've given myself. But look at what I have: strong family, meaningful work, a purpose in life and a clear path into it, deep friendships, spiritual practice that brings me ever more into my prime. I feel the best and strongest version of myself that I can remember being.
Today we go to Avia's birthday dinner and get to meet her new boyfriend. She's 14 today. Fourteen. When I met her, she was toddling and just barely forming sentences, and her way of welcoming me into her life when I came to meet her for the first time was to begin marching back and forth from her room to where I sat, bringing me dolls and stuffed animals and silently piling them on my lap. It was the sweetest thing. I remember
dionysusdevotee's mother watching me, I think they were all watching me, to see how I would relate to her, because that was the measure of whether I would last in his life. Avia tells me now that she can't remember meeting me; I've just always been there. And I always will be.
Spring is on the hills, and they are green with the love of the Gods. There is a richness in the world that is there for the tasting, but you have to dare to open yourself to it. The world kisses you back. Suffering and loss, even the phantoms of the dead on this anniversary of war, are redeemed by this beauty. It is there for the taking.
Happy Equinox, Ostara, and Easter, and I blow a kiss to the universe at large.