(no subject)
I took 'before' pictures of my body tonight. I have this wierd obsession with jawlines, so I took tons of pictures of mine. I love looking at model's jawlines and how tight they are stretched across the bone, with no fat. I think my obsession stems from the fact that my face is the first place that shows when I've gaind weight. I get heavy under my chin and my face becomes round. I would KILL to have a perfectly tight jawline, which in turn would mean I would have a not-round face. When I smile my face just like spreads out and becomes fat and horrible. I actually like my face when I'm not smiling, well at least most of the time, but when I smile and I see my picture I'm shocked almost to tears.
I did OK today, better than yesterday. I had 800 calories yesterday in total. But this morning I weighed myself and I was 146 so that's good. Although I'm never sure just because I weigh myself every day I KNOW I KNOW I JUST CAN'T HELP IT. I'm really hoping I can be 145 by Friday, my weigh in. Anyways, today I did OK, probably around 550 calories. I aim for 500 but I'm really not too strict about my caloric intake. Of course I don't wanna eat way more, but a buffer zone of about 50-100 at the most is fine with me. I tend to lose weight either way. Although I dont wanna jinx myself by saying that.
All in all, after looking at the pictures of my face and body, I've decided that my face and under my chin are a bit skinnier than I had been thinking they looked, but my body is fatter than I though. It's so horrible, I have *gulp* backfat. I know. It's disgusting. I carry all my weight around my middle, so I have a big stomach and love handles. The combo deal. Woohoo. Blargh. The only good thing is, everyone on my mom's side of the family has HUGE butts and I missed out on that gene. My Mom is like all bony and tiny and her arms are small, but has a very very large backside. She even admits it. And that's also the last place that she ever loses weight.
Me on the other hand, I kind of have a mixed blessing. Although I do have the body-type where I carry all my fat around my middle and so it's very noticeable, that also means that it's very noticeable as soon as I start losing weight. My face is the very first place that thins out. My stomach is like the very LAST urgh.
Anyways I know this is an incredibly long and random entry. Whatever, I really don't care. This journal is for me, and about me, and I'm writing all of this for me more than anyone else.
Allright, I'm going to bed.
I did OK today, better than yesterday. I had 800 calories yesterday in total. But this morning I weighed myself and I was 146 so that's good. Although I'm never sure just because I weigh myself every day I KNOW I KNOW I JUST CAN'T HELP IT. I'm really hoping I can be 145 by Friday, my weigh in. Anyways, today I did OK, probably around 550 calories. I aim for 500 but I'm really not too strict about my caloric intake. Of course I don't wanna eat way more, but a buffer zone of about 50-100 at the most is fine with me. I tend to lose weight either way. Although I dont wanna jinx myself by saying that.
All in all, after looking at the pictures of my face and body, I've decided that my face and under my chin are a bit skinnier than I had been thinking they looked, but my body is fatter than I though. It's so horrible, I have *gulp* backfat. I know. It's disgusting. I carry all my weight around my middle, so I have a big stomach and love handles. The combo deal. Woohoo. Blargh. The only good thing is, everyone on my mom's side of the family has HUGE butts and I missed out on that gene. My Mom is like all bony and tiny and her arms are small, but has a very very large backside. She even admits it. And that's also the last place that she ever loses weight.
Me on the other hand, I kind of have a mixed blessing. Although I do have the body-type where I carry all my fat around my middle and so it's very noticeable, that also means that it's very noticeable as soon as I start losing weight. My face is the very first place that thins out. My stomach is like the very LAST urgh.
Anyways I know this is an incredibly long and random entry. Whatever, I really don't care. This journal is for me, and about me, and I'm writing all of this for me more than anyone else.
Allright, I'm going to bed.