FICLET FRIDAY THE EIGHTIETH: STILLXMYXHEART
to starting over (and new friends) (Jackie, Rose, mentions of Hannah), G
Jackie rocks back in his seat, laughing loudly as Rose finishes her story, and she grins as she watches him, delighted by his reaction.
"That just makes me want to go to college even more," he says, wiping his eyes as he sits forward again and reaches for his drink. "I've always wanted to have that kind of experience, you know?"
Rose nods, smiling. "What do you want to study?"
"Automotive technology," Jackie answers, and she nods with a knowing smile.
"Should've guessed. Hopefully you can do that soon."
"Yeah, I pretty much wiped out my savings buying my house, so I'm slowly building it up again, but once I have enough, I really intend to go to college. Like, people talk about it like it's this... far off, unattainable thing, and I know for some people it is, but I am going to do it. There's no 'if' about it."
"It's good that you're so determined. I can tell that whenever you are able to do it, you're going to take it seriously, and do really well."
Jackie gives a small half smile. "I hope so."
Rose blows out a breath as she sits back in her seat. "I guess it's a good thing coffee turned into lunch, given that we've been here almost three hours."
Jackie laughs and nods. "Yeah. It's been really nice talking to you, though."
"Yeah, I really enjoyed this, and I'd love to do it again."
"Yeah, me too," Jackie says softly, a more natural smile curving his lips.
They pay for their meals, and then head out into the cold November afternoon.
"I'll talk to you later," Jackie says, smiling as he zips his coat.
"Yeah," Rose replies, smiling too as she nods. She watches as Jackie turns, and then frowns when she notices where he's heading. "Hey, wait, how are you getting home?"
"The bus?" he replies uncertainly, thumbing at the bus stop over his shoulder.
"How long does that take?"
"Not that long. The wait is the worst, though, especially when it's cold out like this."
Rose shakes her head. "Let me take you home."
"No, you don't -"
"I know I don't," Rose counters, arching an eyebrow. "I'm offering because that's what friends do. Now come on."
Jackie stares at her, his expression amused, and then he nods as he walks towards her.
The ride to his house is pleasant, Rose following Jackie's directions between more snippets of conversation, and it's not long until she pulls into his driveway.
"Thanks," he says, looking over at her.
"Yeah, no problem," she replies with a small smile.
There's a somewhat awkward beat, and then Jackie raises his eyebrows. "Do you maybe want to come inside? Hannah likes to bake things for me, so I've got this cake." He shrugs. "We could have dessert and another cup of coffee, if you want."
"You had me at 'Hannah likes to bake'," she replies, grinning when he laughs.
They get out of the car, and just as Rose comes around to follow him up the front path, the old lady next door says loudly, "He was in prison, you know!"
Jackie's face falls, his ears burning as humiliation twists his stomach, and then he hears Rose give a cool, "So?" in response.
He dares a glance at her, and sees her glaring at the lady. "How about you mind your own damn business? C'mon, Jackie."
They head up to the porch, where Jackie fumbles his key for just a moment before pushing inside. He leads Rose back to the kitchen, and takes a breath as he turns to look at her.
"So you know," he murmurs.
"Hannah told me," she replies gently. "I saw one of the letters you sent her from prison, and she told me what happened."
Jackie nods, and takes another breath as he looks down at the floor. "I wasn't trying to hide it from you - I mean, I was going to tell you, but it wasn't... I understand if you don't -"
"Hey," Rose says firmly, making him look up at her. "I'm here, aren't I? I knew what you did long before I met you, but I also knew that if Hannah was friends with you, then that had to mean something. More importantly, she trusts you, and if she, of all people, can do that, then so can I. And I like you a lot, Jackie," she adds, her voice softer. "If I didn't, I wouldn't have agreed to coffee, or sat talking with you for three hours, or offered to take you home, and I certainly wouldn't have agreed to come inside your house."
Jackie gives a short laugh, and Rose grins.
"Now, c'mon, you promised me cake."
Jackie laughs again and nods, turning to get the coffee started as Rose settles into a chair at the table.
"You have such a nice house," she comments as she stares around the kitchen. "Nice and cozy."
"A lot of that has to do with Hannah," Jackie says, raising his eyebrows as he fiddles with the coffee pot. "She helped me decorate it, helped me find nice things that weren't too expensive. Some of it is secondhand from her and her husband's house, like the TV in the living room, but still in perfectly good shape."
"It's obvious she really cares about you."
Jackie nods, coming to sink into the chair across from Rose. "I don't deserve an ounce of it, but she really does. After everything I did, she forgave me - she helped me, you know? By visiting me, and writing me. She helped convince the parole board to let me relocate here, she helped me find this house... The day I was released, she was waiting for me here, and she took me grocery shopping on her own dime without batting an eyelash. Said she didn't want me to have to worry about having food before I got my first paycheck. I owe her so much."
"And you care about her," Rose adds quietly.
"I do. After everything that happened, all I wanted was for her to be okay, for her to find happiness, and I'm so, so glad that she did. She made me promise I'd make a better life when I got out of prison, and I intend to keep that promise. I don't want to let her down. Not again."
"It looks like you're already doing a good job."
Jackie smiles faintly. "I'm trying. This definitely isn't a life I'm used to, but it's one I like, and one I'm really grateful to have, even if the road here wasn't all that smooth."
"When is it ever?" Rose replies, prompting a quiet laugh from Jackie as he nods.
The coffee pot beeps that it's done, and Jackie stands to pour them each a cup. He gives Rose her coffee and cake first, and then resumes his seat across from her with his.
"To starting over," Rose says, lifting her coffee cup. "And new friends."
"Yeah," Jackie murmurs, returning her smile as he gently clinks his cup against hers.
something's wrong (Hannah, Rachel, Eli, Adam [Hannah/Eli]), G
"Okay, baby," Hannah murmurs as she carries Rachel from her bedroom. "It's not as crazy anymore, so hopefully it's better for you now."
They emerge into the living room, and Eli walks over to them, dipping his head to see Rachel's face.
"Is she okay now?"
"Yeah, I think she just got overwhelmed."
"Well, Maddie has most of the kids down in the basement for finger painting; you think Rachel would want to do that?"
"No, she's happier on her own. We'll keep her up here and let her play until it's time for cake and ice cream and presents."
Eli nods, leaning forward to press a kiss to Rachel's head, and Hannah carries her over to her playmat, kissing her head as well before setting her down to play.
A short while later, Eli and Adam are talking on the couch when Rachel crawls over and pulls herself to her feet using Adam's leg.
"Hello, sweetheart," he says, laughing as he looks down at her.
"Walk," Rachel says, blue eyes intent on Adam's face.
"Okay," Eli says, grinning as he stands. "Let's practice walking with Grandpa."
Eli pushes the coffee table to the side and kneels a few feet from the couch, and Adam moves Rachel so she's in front of him, making sure she's steady before letting her go.
"Okay, honey," Adam says, shifting forward a little bit. "Walk to Daddy."
Rachel takes a couple of wobbly steps forward, and then overbalances, plopping down on her backside. Adam shifts to help her, but Eli signals for him to stop.
"Come on, honey," Eli says encouragingly, holding out his hands. "You can do it!"
Rachel climbs slowly to her feet once more, and continues towards Eli, reaching him without falling again.
"Good job, sweetheart!" Eli says proudly, pulling her to him and kissing her cheek. "Okay, now go back to Grandpa."
They continue this back and forth for a while, Eli moving a little farther back every so often to make the distance larger, and Rachel gets steadier and steadier the more she toddles between them.
"Okay, last one," Adam says as he turns Rachel to face Eli. "Go back to Daddy."
Rachel successfully makes it to Eli with no stumbles or falls, and Eli sweeps her into his arms as he stands.
"You're getting so good at that, sweetheart," he says, kissing her cheek. "Soon you'll be chasing your brother all over the house."
Adam grins as he walks over to them. "Good job - um, honey."
Adam tries to cover up the fumble, but Eli frowns. "What was that?"
"What was what?" Adam replies, suddenly looking uncomfortable.
"Dad, did you just forget my daughter's name?"
"Of course not, Eli, don't be ridiculous. It's, um -"
Hannah comes in the room then, asking Rachel if she's ready for cake and presents, and Adam seizes the opportunity.
"Rachel, her name is Rachel."
Hannah takes the baby from Eli, and her smile fades as she looks between him and Adam.
"Everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," Adam says, smiling down at Hannah. "Let's go tear into that cake."
Later that night, as Hannah and Eli are getting ready for bed, Hannah's chattering on about the day and how Rachel's party went.
"She was so cute with that cake all over her face," Hannah says, grinning as she pulls her hair back. "Though Nicky matched her for cake face. And I don't mean when he turned one, I mean now, at almost four."
Eli hums, clearly distracted, and Hannah frowns. "What's wrong?"
Eli looks up at her, and then sighs. "Have you noticed anything weird about Dad lately?"
"Like what?" Hannah asks, still frowning as she settles on the bed with one leg tucked underneath her.
"He forgot Rachel's name earlier."
Hannah shrugs. "Maybe it was just a brain fart -"
"No, Hannah, he literally forgot her name until you came into the room and said it."
"Maybe it's just normal aging, Eli, he did just turn 70."
Eli shakes his head, sinking onto the bed as well. "This isn't - he loves the kids, Han. He loves being a grandfather so much, there's no way he'd just forget her name like that. And looking back on the last few times we went up there..."
"What are you saying?"
Eli shrugs, shaking his head again. "I don't know, but I think this is more serious than just... normal forgetfulness. It's just a feeling. I mentioned it to Mom before they left, and she got this look on her face... I think she's noticed something too. And she said she'd talk to him. And I'm just -"
He gives a short laugh, and then looks up at her, his eyebrows knitted together. "I'm scared, Han. I'm scared that it's something really bad."
"Don't think like that, Eli," Hannah says softly, shifting closer to him and reaching for his hand. "Wait until we hear from Miriam, okay? I know how easy it is to build up bad scenarios in your head, believe me, but try not to do that until we know what's wrong, if anything."
Eli nods, taking a breath, and Hannah turns to kiss his cheek, lifting her hand to run her fingers through his hair.
"C'mon, let's go to sleep; it's been a long day and we're both tired."
Eli nods again, turning his head to kiss her lips before they shift to get under the covers and turn off their lamps.
Hannah falls asleep fairly quickly, her head on his shoulder with her arm across his torso, but sleep doesn't come as fast for Eli. He stares up at the ceiling, listening to the light, even sound of Hannah's breathing, his hand resting on her arm and his thumb rubbing idly over her skin.
Too many thoughts are running through his mind, and he takes a shaky breath, running his hand over his face.
"There's nothing you can do right now," he mutters to himself. "Just go to sleep."
It's some time before he finally does.
no matter what (Miriam, Adam, mentions of Eli, Ben, Hannah, and the kidlets [Adam/Miriam, references to Hannah/Eli]), G
There's a double picture frame on Miriam's bedside table, and she stares at it. On one side is a picture of her and Adam from their wedding day; the other side is a picture of Hannah and Eli from their wedding day. Despite the 39 year gap between the two pictures, there aren't many other differences, outside of the obvious changes in fashion. Adam and Eli are both smiling broadly, holding their brides so tight, and the love and happiness between both couples is obvious.
Taking a breath, Miriam stands to leave the bedroom, her gaze rising to the picture on the wall just outside the door. It's from Eli's Quantico graduation, Adam standing with his arm tight around his son, both of them looking so proud. The rest of the pictures in the upstairs hall are mainly focused on Eli before he met Hannah, his graduations from college and high school, several from his days of playing baseball, and several with Ben, because there's almost never been a time when Ben wasn't like their other son.
Miriam heads downstairs, and looks at the frame on the wall by the foot of the stairs. It's a collage of pictures from Hannah and Eli's wedding day, mostly of Hannah and Eli alone, but there are a few that include their friends and other family members. There are two that always make Miriam smile, even now when it hurts: one of Hannah with David and Adam, squished between the two beaming men, her smile so bright that Miriam can almost hear her laughing, and another of Eli with Miriam, Juliet, and Karen, Miriam with her arms around Eli's middle, and his arms around his mothers-in-law.
Five years later, and Hannah and Eli are still so in love, still so happy together, now with two beautiful children of their own. Pictures of the grandchildren have begun to proliferate the house, Nicholas and Rachel with their parents, with their grandparents, with each other, on their own.
Adam loves his grandchildren so much, is so proud of being a grandfather, and Miriam feels a twist of fear that he might lose them, that he won't be able to appreciate them like he does now, that he won't be there in the same way as they get older.
Above all, it hurts to think about the possibility of losing the strong, vibrant man she's loved for so long. She's been noticing things for months, but was hiding behind a layer of denial, not wanting to think a man like Adam could possibly have any problems with his memory. But when Eli confronted her after Rachel's party, she'd finally been forced to see what she'd been trying to ignore, and that had pushed her into action.
With a deep breath, she moves into the kitchen to make some tea, needing to calm her mind and her emotions before Adam gets home.
It's not long before she hears the front door open and close, followed by Adam's voice calling out to her.
"Miri, my love?"
She smiles at the familiar greeting, and calls back, "In the kitchen."
"Hello," he says when he enters the room, smiling as he steps over to her and drops a kiss to her lips. "Do you want to make something for dinner, or be lazy and go out? Or be even lazier and order in?"
Miriam shakes her head. "Adam, honey, we need to talk."
"About what?"
"You've been having some problems lately -"
"No, I haven't," Adam scoffs, turning away from her and striding from the kitchen.
Miriam slides off her stool to hurry after him, following him up the stairs. "Adam, please don't walk away, we have to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about, Miriam," Adam says with an exaggerated shrug as he pushes into the bedroom.
"You've been forgetting things -"
"I'm 70; it was bound to happen sometime -"
"Adam, stop," Miriam says firmly. He turns to her as he pulls his tie from around his neck, and she can see the fear in his eyes. "You've put your keys in the same place for the past 34 years that we've lived in this house, and yet all of a sudden you've started forgetting where they are, or putting them in the wrong place. I found them in the freezer once. Another time they were on the shelf with the DVDs. I went to the hospital earlier today and talked to some of the staff in your department. Nurses say you've misplaced files and charts, that you've made mistakes in your surgeries, that you hate to close anymore, when you used to insist on it."
"Miri," Adam murmurs, his eyes shining.
"You forgot your granddaughter's name," Miriam whispers, swallowing hard. "Can you tell me her name now?"
Adam stares at her for a moment, and then lowers his head, raising his hand to cover his face as he turns away from her.
"Please, Adam," Miriam says, her breath catching in her throat as she moves closer to him and rests her hand on his back. "Please, we have to get you some help."
She can feel him crying, and she sniffles hard as she moves even closer, wrapping her arms around him from behind and resting her forehead against his back. His hands slide over her arms to her hands, their fingers weaving together, and he holds on tight.
"I'm sorry, Miri, my love," he finally says softly, taking a breath. "I'm so sorry." He turns to face her, shaking his head as he looks down at her. "I was just... afraid to admit it, to face it. I knew they'd make me retire -"
"I know you love your job, but your health is more important," Miriam replies, shaking her head too. "And - and your family. You already can't remember Rachel's name, what happens when you forget Nicky's? Or Eli's, or Hannah's? Or mine?"
Adam nods. "I know. I know. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay." Miriam tries to smile, rubbing her hands over his arms. "We'll call the doctor first thing tomorrow, okay?"
Adam nods again, sniffling. "Yeah."
"Everything's going to be okay," Miriam says.
Adam takes her face in his hands and bends to kiss her, his thumbs rubbing over her cheeks.
"I love you so much, Miri. Please don't let me ever forget that."
"I won't," she promises, kissing him again. "And I love you too, so much. No matter what."