Fic: With You
Title: With You
Author: Mary (stillxmyxheart)
Beta: Lindsay (rowofstars)
Rating: G
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Fluff, Romance
Word Count: 5,104
Characters/Pairings: Hannah, Madison, David (Hannah/Madison)
A/N: Birthday present for Bella <3 Happy birthday, bb! I hope you like this XD
"This sucks," Hannah mutters as she flops face-down onto her bed the first Friday in December. "Everything sucks. Don't lose your virginity to a guy, Maddie. In fact, just don't have sex with guys at all."
Madison places her hand on Hannah's back, looking down at her sadly. "I'm sorry, Han."
Hannah sniffles, turning her head to look at Madison. "It's not your fault. I mean, you're not the one who got me pregnant, and then broke up with me, and made my dad hate me -"
"Your dad doesn't hate you," Madison whispers, shifting to lie down too, on her stomach like Hannah.
"Well, I'm definitely not his favorite person right now," Hannah replies, her chin quivering briefly as she sniffles again.
"He'll get over it," Madison says reassuringly, resting her hand on Hannah's back again. "At least he let me come over."
"Yeah," Hannah murmurs, and then sighs. "I can't believe I let this happen. I feel so stupid. I'm such a cliché, pregnant at 16, I mean, god."
Madison bites her lip, and then raises her eyebrows. "Did you decide what you're going to do with it yet?"
"I'm not gonna keep it," Hannah says quietly, shaking her head. "I mean, I'm gonna give birth to it, but I'm gonna give it up for adoption." She shakes her head again, wiping her fingers over her cheeks. "I can't raise a baby, and I can't - I can't do that to Dad, I can't make him take care of me and a baby at the same time. It wouldn't be fair to anybody. There are couples all over who want to adopt babies, and once Dad and I can actually talk about this, hopefully we can start trying to find one."
Madison nods, rubbing her hand over Hannah's back.
"Everything's gonna be okay." Madison winces inwardly after she says that, thinking it sounds so lame out loud, but she doesn't know what else to say. She's only 15, and has no idea what the right thing is to say to your best friend who's just found out she's pregnant at 16.
They're quiet for a few minutes, and then Hannah's expression turns worried.
"How long do you think it's gonna take to spread around school?"
"I won't tell anybody," Madison says firmly.
"I know you won't, but what if Seth does? All he has to do is tell one of his friends, and it'll be all over. Everybody's gonna be talking about me, and judging me, and all of my friends will probably ditch me -"
"Not me," Madison says fiercely, moving her hand from Hannah's back to take her hand, staring into the other girl's eyes. "No matter what happens, I'm always gonna be right here."
Hannah nods, unable to speak as she starts to cry again, and Madison shifts closer to her, wrapping her arm tightly around the older girl.
Hannah makes it all the way to Christmas break without anybody finding out, and though Christmas is a somewhat somber affair, Juliet decides to spend the holiday with David and Hannah, something Hannah is quietly grateful for. Even though David's anger over her pregnancy has mostly abated, tensions are still somewhat high, and Juliet being there makes things easier.
As soon as she's able to, Madison also comes over, and she and Hannah commandeer the TV to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD Hannah got from Juliet, slumped together on the couch as they eat pie and ice cream.
Madison ends up spending the night, and David makes pancakes for them the next morning, and for the first time since finding out she was pregnant, Hannah's heart feels a little lighter.
"Slut."
It's the first day back at school after Christmas vacation, and Hannah hears the muttered insult as she walks down the hall towards her locker. She freezes, hugging her binder to her chest, and then slowly starts forward again, refusing to reply or even look to see who said it.
Her hands are shaking as she spins the dial on her lock, and she has to do it again because she messes it up the first time. All she wants to do is get her stuff ready for her first few classes, and then get out of the hall, because she can feel too many people staring at her.
It takes just a couple of minutes to get her things together, and she closes her locker and turns, only to see three girls behind her.
"So," Andrea begins, "looks like you got yourself knocked up."
"I - what - who -" Hannah stammers, beginning to panic as her gaze darts to the other girls and then around the hall.
"Please, it's all over school. Everybody knows."
Tears fill Hannah's eyes, her heart pounding harder and her breathing becoming shallower as she presses her back to her locker, and Andrea shakes her head.
"Was this some plan to make Seth stay with you or something?"
"He broke up with me," Hannah says, so quietly she can barely hear herself, but Andrea smirks.
"Guess your little plan backfired."
"I - I didn't plan anything, I didn't want -" Hannah shakes her head, trying so hard not to cry. "Please just leave me alone. You - you wanted Seth, now you can have him. I don't care."
"You always thought you were so smart, that you were better than everybody, and look at you now. Little miss perfect isn't so perfect anymore. Now you're just a pregnant slut -"
"If having sex once makes her a slut, then what does that make you?"
Hannah's eyes widen as Andrea turns, revealing Madison standing behind her. Madison is shorter than the other girl, but she glares at Andrea so fiercely that she takes a step back, the smug look vanishing from her face.
"And besides, do you think she got herself pregnant? Why don't you go spew this same shit to Seth?"
"Please," Andrea says, recovering as she glances at Hannah. "She probably tricked him into having sex with her or something."
"If you're going to pretend like he's the victim here, then why don't you go make him feel better? Suck his dick or something, that's what you're best at."
Andrea takes a deep breath through her nose, her chest swelling as she takes a step towards Madison, but Madison doesn't move, staring angrily and defiantly up at Andrea.
"I dare you," she hisses.
"Like I'm scared of you," Andrea retorts.
"Yeah, I'm shorter and younger than you are, but that doesn't mean I can't kick your ass. You don't know anything about me, but if you don't leave her alone, I can promise you'll regret it."
A beat passes, and then finally, with a disgusted glance at Hannah, Andrea and her friends stalk off down the hall.
Hannah watches them go, and then looks at Madison, who's still staring angrily after the girls.
"You didn't have to do that," Hannah murmurs, her tears spilling over when she blinks.
Madison looks over at her, her body finally relaxing, and shakes her head. "I'm not going to let anybody say any of that crap to you."
Hannah nods, trying to smile, but her tears are falling faster now, and she lowers her head, not wanting anybody to see.
Madison moves closer to her, lifting her hand to Hannah's arm.
"C'mon," she says softly. "We've still got some time before class starts; let's go somewhere quiet so you can calm down."
They end up in one of the single girls' bathrooms, and Hannah sniffles loudly, the sound echoing off the concrete walls.
"Everybody knows, Maddie," she says hopelessly. "Some other girl called me a slut when I was going to my locker, and everybody was staring at me -"
"I'm sorry, Han," Madison says, hurriedly wadding up some toilet paper and passing it to Hannah. "But it's gonna be okay -"
"How is it gonna be okay?" Hannah exclaims, throwing her arms out at her sides. "I'm 16, I'm pregnant, my boyfriend broke up with me, my dad is still acting weird around me, I'm now the most unpopular person at this school, and I have to survive the entire rest of this semester, all while getting fatter and fatter with a baby I don't even want!"
With a sob, she moves over to drop onto the chair against the wall that's meant to hold backpacks or purses, her head falling into her hands as she cries.
"I just want to go home and stay in bed until all of this is over."
Hesitant about kneeling on the bathroom floor, Madison grabs some paper towels and lays them down next to the chair before dropping to her knees.
"I know it sucks, Han," she says softly, "and I can't begin to understand how this feels for you, but you're - you're you. Like." Madison frowns, struggling to find the words to say what she wants to say. "You're awesome."
Hannah looks at her, her eyebrows knitting together, and Madison feels a sense of frustration.
"You're - you're strong." There it is. "You're so strong, Han. I know life has turned really shitty all of a sudden, but it's going to get better, and I know you can make it through this. Have your baby and give it to a good family, and then move on. It's going to be hard, but you just gotta keep being you. Be the awesome person I know you are. Be Hannah."
Hannah stares down at her, tears still rolling down her cheeks, and then takes a quiet breath.
"Be me," she murmurs.
"Be you," Madison says quietly, her voice firm. "Screw all of these people. What do you always tell me to do when people pick on me?"
"Don't react."
"Exactly. Don't do anything, don't say anything, don't let them see that it's getting to you, and eventually, they'll get bored with it and stop."
"It does get to me, though," Hannah says in a small voice.
"I know. And I will go home with you every single day, and you can react all you want, you can rant and cry and yell, whatever you want to do. But here at school, just act like it doesn't bother you at all."
Hannah nods, taking a deep breath, and then blows it out in a loud sigh. "I wish you could be with me all day."
"Me too. But at least we have lunch together, and we ride the bus together. I'm sorry I got distracted earlier after we got here and wasn't there when Andrea started messing with you, but I promise, from now on, whenever I can, I'll be with you. Okay?"
Hannah nods again, taking another deep breath, and spends a few minutes getting herself back under control before the girls leave the bathroom to head to class.
As Madison predicted, when Hannah no longer reacts to the insults thrown at her, they eventually stop, though she knows people are still talking about her behind her back. Even her teachers treat her differently, and she participates less and less in her classes, silently taking notes and doing her work and trying to be as invisible as possible.
On the bright side, her dad has finally eased up about the whole thing, and together they find an adoption agency. Hannah is relieved when the agency says they can handle getting Seth's consent, because the last thing she wants to do is talk to him about any of this; it's bad enough having to see him at school.
Fortunately, there don't seem to be any problems getting him to sign the papers, and Hannah feels immense relief, glad to know that it's out of the way.
Over the course of the next several weeks, the agency presents her with a few possible families, but it's not until spring break that she finally decides on one, a gay couple from Baltimore.
"They're so nice," she tells Madison the night after meeting them, the two of them lying on Hannah's bed. "Their names are Everett and Matthew, they're both tall - well, taller than me, Everett is a little shorter than Matthew - and they both have dark hair, but Everett has the prettiest green eyes."
Madison smiles. "What are they like?"
"Everett is younger, he's 31, and Michael is 34, and Everett seems like he's a bit sillier. Not that Matthew is like, super serious or anything, he's got this awesome dry humor that I love. But Everett is more... he jokes around more. But they're both just so nice, we talked for a long time, they asked me about school, if I knew what I wanted to study in college, they wanted to know about my hobbies and stuff like that. I mean, they just wanted to know about me, and I didn't feel like they were judging me at all for being pregnant at 16."
"Well, they are hoping to get your baby," Madison murmurs. "It'd be kind of stupid for them to judge you."
"Yeah," Hannah says, laughing softly.
Madison smiles again, happy to hear Hannah laugh; it's been a rare sound over the past few months.
"But anyway, yeah, they're really nice, and I think I want to pick them. I think they'll be really good parents for my baby."
Madison bites down on her lip, and then asks, "And it doesn't bother you - I mean, you don't mind that they're gay?"
"Why would I?" Hannah shrugs. "When I was filling out all the stuff at the agency, I said it didn't matter if it was a straight family, or a gay family, or a single mother or father. I mean, I don't want to keep it, but I want it to go to a good family that will love it and take care of it, and I don't think that has to be a man and a woman."
Madison nods, feeling a strange twisting in her stomach as she smiles once more.
A Saturday night late in April finds Hannah and Madison slumped on the couch together, feet propped on the coffee table, and each of them with a plate of pizza in their lap.
"Here, baby," David says, sounding amused as he returns from the kitchen.
Hannah's eyes light up as she takes the bottle of chocolate syrup from him. "Thank you."
"This is probably the weirdest thing I've seen you eat," Madison murmurs, frowning as she watches Hannah drizzle the syrup over her pizza.
"Shut up," Hannah retorts defensively. "It's a pregnancy thing."
David and Madison both laugh.
"You girls need anything else?" he asks.
"We're fine, Dad, thanks," Hannah says, smiling up at him.
"Okay, I'll leave you to it, then." He bends to kiss the top of Hannah's head, his hand rising to lightly stroke her hair, and then moves into his office, closing the door behind him.
Hannah lifts the remote to start the movie, and then sinks a little lower in her seat as she takes a bite of her pizza.
"Chocolate sauce on pizza, though?" Madison says quietly.
Hannah giggles and elbows her. "Shut up. I know it's weird. Pregnancy cravings are weird. I actually asked Dad to bring home McDonald's for dinner the other night."
"Whoa," Madison murmurs, her eyes widening.
"I know. It's weird."
They fall silent for a moment as they eat and watch the movie, and then Madison grins a little.
"We're watching both X-Men movies and Pirates of the Caribbean, are Wolverine and Captain Jack pregnancy cravings too?"
"Maybe," Hannah says, giggling again.
Another few moments pass, and then Madison looks over at Hannah.
"Are you sad about not being at the prom tonight?"
Hannah shrugs. "A little. When Seth and I started dating, I had all of these fantasies about us going to prom together, me in some gorgeous gown, maybe even winning prom court or something, and now..." She trails off, her hand resting on the small swell of her stomach, and then sighs. "I could've gone, but I wouldn't have had any fun." She looks over at Madison and smiles. "It's way more fun being here with you, watching movies and eating junk food. And who knows, maybe next year you and I can go to prom together."
Madison tries to smile back, hoping it looks normal, and is relieved when Hannah turns her attention back to the TV.
Later that night, the girls are in bed, Hannah sound asleep, but Madison still awake. Even Hannah's dad has gone to bed, and the house is utterly silent, but Madison can't seem to shut her brain off.
She stares at Hannah's shadowed features, listens to the quiet sound of her breathing, and tries to make sense of the turmoil in her head.
Hannah's been her best friend for almost four years, and Madison is pretty positive that her feelings towards the other girl have only ever been of friendship. Sure, they made out at that party a year ago, and that had more or less been the tipping point of Madison realizing she liked girls just as much as she liked boys, but she'd never liked Hannah that way.
At least, not until recently.
Now she's starting to realize that her feelings for Hannah have changed, and she doesn't know how to handle it. Hannah's only ever expressed interest in guys, and Madison has no idea if she'd ever date a girl, let alone if she would date her.
It's just that all of the time she's spent with Hannah since she got pregnant has made her notice how amazing she really is. Even with everything going on, she's taken Madison's advice and ignored the people at school who say mean things to her, she's kept her grades up, and she's found a good home for her baby once it's born.
In addition to that, Madison can't help also noticing how pretty Hannah is. Sometimes she'll catch herself just staring at the other girl, admiring her long blonde hair, the shape of her lips, and the way her eyelashes flutter. So many times they've lain in bed, facing each other just like this, so close that Madison has been able to see all of the colors in Hannah's eyes, the way the greens and browns swirl together to create such a pretty hazel color. Madison loves the way Hannah's eyes seem to change color, sometimes taking on a warm brown shade like honey, sometimes turning a dark green like the shadows on the trees, and sometimes they're gold, fierce and flashing, and in those moments, Madison thinks Hannah is like a lioness.
It's not as if Madison didn't think Hannah was amazing and pretty before, but it's like she's looking at her in a new light, and her feelings confuse and upset her. Should she tell Hannah how she feels? What if Hannah gets upset and doesn't want to be friends anymore?
Losing Hannah as her best friend would hurt more than anything else, and Madison doesn't know if she can bear to risk it.
Abruptly, Hannah shifts, rolling over onto her other side, and Madison stares at her a moment longer before sighing and turning onto her back, closing her eyes and hoping sleep comes soon.
The following week, Hannah finds out that her baby is a boy, and smiles as she shows the ultrasound pictures to Madison.
"I can't wait for Matt and Everett to see," she says as they move into David's office so Hannah can scan the pictures, intending to email them to the couple in addition to sending the actual pictures through the mail.
"Did I show you the pictures they sent of the nursery?" Hannah asks as she settles into the desk chair to pull up her email. "They're doing this super cute like, rainforest theme."
Madison shakes her head, and leans down to look at the pictures when Hannah opens the email.
"Oh, god," Madison says, her eyes widening. "They really are going all out, that's awesome. I love the light thing," she adds, pointing to the light fixture disguised to look like vines hanging down over the crib.
"Everett's an interior designer," Hannah says with a grin. "He said it's still a work in progress, but they'll send me pictures as they go."
Madison nods, smiling at Hannah's obvious happiness, and straightens as Hannah composes the email to Everett and Matthew and attaches the ultrasound pictures.
"Okay," she says once it's sent, "I'm starving; let's go get something to eat."
Soon enough it's June, and the school year is over, much to Hannah's great relief. She seems much happier now that she doesn't have to go to school every day, and Madison is happy to see her like that.
The girls are still spending a lot of time together, so much that Madison's dad has joked that she spends more time at Hannah's house than she does at her own. Nobody seems to mind, though, especially now that school is out, and Madison is glad for it, because there's nowhere else she'd rather be than with Hannah. She still doesn't know what to do about her feelings for Hannah, but she does know that they're getting stronger, and knows she needs to do something soon.
One weekend in July, Madison and Hannah come home after going to the movies (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for the fourth time) and doing a little bit of shopping, and head up to Hannah's room.
"I shouldn't have bought this dress, since I can't really wear it that long," Hannah says, pulling a soft white dress spotted with pink polka dots out of the bag in her hand. "But it was too cute, I couldn't resist. Plus it was cheap."
Madison laughs softly, watching as Hannah tugs her shirt off over her head and shimmies out of her jeans, leaving her standing in her bra and panties. Madison stares at the curve of her stomach, marveling at how big it is, though it makes sense; Hannah's due next month.
"Oh!" Hannah says in surprise, looking down at her stomach. "He's moving."
"I can see him," Madison murmurs. "That's still so weird."
"It is," Hannah agrees. "But kind of cool. You know what else is weird, is how big my boobs have gotten."
Madison feels her face get hot, because this is definitely not something that has escaped her notice, and laughs lightly to try to cover it up.
Hannah pulls the dress down over her head, and then tugs her hair out of its ponytail, twisting it back up into a loose bun.
Madison stares at her, her chest aching at how pretty Hannah is, at how heavy all of these feelings are that she's keeping inside, and takes a deep breath.
"Han?"
"Yeah?"
"I have - I need to tell you something."
"What is it?" Hannah says, looking concerned as she moves closer to Madison.
"I - I just -"
Once again, Madison finds herself struggling to find the words to say what she has to get out, and finally, out of desperation, she steps forward and presses her lips to Hannah's.
Hannah makes a quiet surprised noise, and when Madison pulls back, Hannah's eyebrows are knitted together.
"Maddie, what -"
"I'm sorry, I just - I can't -" Madison stammers, tears rising in her eyes. "I love you. That sounds so stupid, but I - I love you so much, and it's definitely more than - than friendship. I know you like guys, but I guess there's some part of me that - that hopes that maybe you could love me too. That maybe you and I - that maybe you could be my girlfriend."
Hannah stares at her, her mouth open, and Madison's tears spill over as she presses her lips together.
"Please say something."
Hannah shakes her head. "I don't know -"
Madison turns away, preparing to leave, not wanting to hear Hannah's rejection, and then Hannah grabs her, pulling her back around.
"No, don't go, I'm not - I'm not saying no." Madison looks up at her hopefully, and Hannah shakes her head. "I don't know how I feel, but I'm not saying no. Just - give me some time to think, okay? I have so much going on with the baby, and the adoption, and all of that, and I can't deal with this too, not right now." Hannah takes a breath. "After the baby's born, after Everett and Matthew have him, and after all of this is over, we can talk about this again. Okay?"
Madison nods, and Hannah pulls her into a tight hug. "I do love you, Maddie. Right now I can only say it's as a friend, but I do love you. Can that be enough, just for now?"
Madison nods again, squeezing Hannah. "It's enough."
Madison is in the delivery room when Hannah gives birth a month later, holding tight to one hand while Juliet holds the other.
Hannah smiles down at the baby in her arms, and then looks up at Juliet. "Can you go get Everett and Matthew? I want them to see their son. And Dad too."
Juliet smiles and nods, kissing the top of Hannah's head before leaving the room, returning a few minutes later with Everett, Matthew, and David in tow.
"Hey," Hannah says with a tired, but bright, smile. "Come meet your son."
Everett and Matthew move towards the bed, and Matthew raises his hand to Everett's back.
"You first, Ev," he murmurs, smiling as Everett looks at him.
Everett smiles back, and then looks at Hannah, tears shining in his eyes as he bends to carefully take the baby from her arms.
"He's beautiful, Hannah," he says softly, his smile widening as he looks down at the newborn. "Thank you so much."
"Did you decide what you're gonna name him?"
"Alexander," Matthew says, smiling too as he looks at the baby over Everett's shoulder.
Hannah gives a soft laugh as she glances at David, who smiles down at her as he strokes her hair.
"That's my dad's middle name."
"Is that okay?" Everett asks, suddenly concerned as he looks from Hannah to David. "We didn't know, if it's a problem -"
"It's fine," Hannah replies quickly, glancing at David again, who nods.
"Now it's even more special," Matthew says. "We already want you to be involved in his life, but now he's named after your dad, even though it was unintentional."
Hannah nods, surprised to feel tears in her eyes. "I think it's great."
Hannah goes home a couple of days later, but Everett and Matthew have to stay in the city for a little while longer, for legal reasons. They take advantage of it to give Hannah some extra time to spend with Alexander, and then are finally able to head up to Baltimore.
"You okay, baby?" David asks when he and Hannah get home after saying goodbye.
"Yeah," Hannah murmurs, though she knows David can see the tears in her eyes. "I am, I promise. Can Maddie come over?"
"Yeah, of course she can."
Hannah smiles and pulls her phone from her pocket; a few minutes later, Madison arrives and they head up to Hannah's room.
"You okay?" Madison asks as they settle on Hannah's bed.
"I'm fine, it's just..." She trails off, pressing her hands to her almost normal-sized stomach, and sighs. "It just feels weird, you know? Not having him here."
"Do you regret giving him up?"
"No. I really don't. He's better off with Everett and Matt, they can give him more than I could, and I'll still get to be in his life. Baltimore's only like, an hour away, so I can go up there to visit, or they can come down here." She looks down at her hands. "I still regret having sex with Seth, and getting pregnant in the first place, but I don't regret Alex. Is that weird?"
"No, I don't think so," Madison murmurs, reaching for Hannah's hand. "I think you made the right choice for you, and for him, but he's still your baby, even if he's not actually here with you. I think it's normal to miss him a little."
Hannah nods, the corners of her mouth rising in a small smile, and Madison squeezes her fingers when Hannah's head drops against her shoulder.
A couple of weeks later, the girls are in Hannah's room, lounging on her bed as they watch TV.
"Ugh," Madison groans. "School starts next week."
"I know," Hannah replies. "I wonder what it's gonna be like. Like, people are gonna ask about the baby."
"You don't have to tell anybody anything. It's nobody's business. And all Seth can say is that you gave it up for adoption, he doesn't know anything else about it. And you know I'm not going to tell anybody."
"I know," Hannah says, smiling as she looks over at Madison.
They fall silent for a few minutes, and then Hannah takes a breath.
"Now that everything is over, I've had more time to think," she says softly. "Without so much stuff in my head, I realized pretty quickly that I do still like guys. But I also love you. The way you love me. And - and if you still want me to be, I'd really like to be your girlfriend."
"I'd love that," Madison whispers, smiling when Hannah looks over at her. "So much."
Hannah smiles back, finding Madison's hand between them on the bed and weaving their fingers together.
"Imagine people's reactions now," Madison says, raising her eyebrows. "You ended last year pregnant, and now you're starting this year with a girlfriend."
"Well, just like when I was pregnant, as long as I have you with me, I can care a lot less about what other people think of me."
"Me too," Madison replies, smiling again.
Hannah smiles too, shifting closer to Madison so she can kiss her, and Madison sighs happily when it breaks.
"I love how that feels."
"Me too."
Madison grins. "I wonder what your dad is gonna say."
"He'll probably just be happy that you can't get me pregnant."
There's a beat, and then they both start to giggle, turning towards each other. Hannah kisses Madison again mid-giggle, resting her hand on the other girl's neck, and they slowly calm down, still facing each other. Hannah runs her fingers along a section of Madison's hair, twirling the red strands around her finger, and Madison smiles once more, contentment warm in her stomach.
"I love you, Han," she whispers.
"I love you too, Maddie."
Author: Mary (stillxmyxheart)
Beta: Lindsay (rowofstars)
Rating: G
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Fluff, Romance
Word Count: 5,104
Characters/Pairings: Hannah, Madison, David (Hannah/Madison)
A/N: Birthday present for Bella <3 Happy birthday, bb! I hope you like this XD
"This sucks," Hannah mutters as she flops face-down onto her bed the first Friday in December. "Everything sucks. Don't lose your virginity to a guy, Maddie. In fact, just don't have sex with guys at all."
Madison places her hand on Hannah's back, looking down at her sadly. "I'm sorry, Han."
Hannah sniffles, turning her head to look at Madison. "It's not your fault. I mean, you're not the one who got me pregnant, and then broke up with me, and made my dad hate me -"
"Your dad doesn't hate you," Madison whispers, shifting to lie down too, on her stomach like Hannah.
"Well, I'm definitely not his favorite person right now," Hannah replies, her chin quivering briefly as she sniffles again.
"He'll get over it," Madison says reassuringly, resting her hand on Hannah's back again. "At least he let me come over."
"Yeah," Hannah murmurs, and then sighs. "I can't believe I let this happen. I feel so stupid. I'm such a cliché, pregnant at 16, I mean, god."
Madison bites her lip, and then raises her eyebrows. "Did you decide what you're going to do with it yet?"
"I'm not gonna keep it," Hannah says quietly, shaking her head. "I mean, I'm gonna give birth to it, but I'm gonna give it up for adoption." She shakes her head again, wiping her fingers over her cheeks. "I can't raise a baby, and I can't - I can't do that to Dad, I can't make him take care of me and a baby at the same time. It wouldn't be fair to anybody. There are couples all over who want to adopt babies, and once Dad and I can actually talk about this, hopefully we can start trying to find one."
Madison nods, rubbing her hand over Hannah's back.
"Everything's gonna be okay." Madison winces inwardly after she says that, thinking it sounds so lame out loud, but she doesn't know what else to say. She's only 15, and has no idea what the right thing is to say to your best friend who's just found out she's pregnant at 16.
They're quiet for a few minutes, and then Hannah's expression turns worried.
"How long do you think it's gonna take to spread around school?"
"I won't tell anybody," Madison says firmly.
"I know you won't, but what if Seth does? All he has to do is tell one of his friends, and it'll be all over. Everybody's gonna be talking about me, and judging me, and all of my friends will probably ditch me -"
"Not me," Madison says fiercely, moving her hand from Hannah's back to take her hand, staring into the other girl's eyes. "No matter what happens, I'm always gonna be right here."
Hannah nods, unable to speak as she starts to cry again, and Madison shifts closer to her, wrapping her arm tightly around the older girl.
Hannah makes it all the way to Christmas break without anybody finding out, and though Christmas is a somewhat somber affair, Juliet decides to spend the holiday with David and Hannah, something Hannah is quietly grateful for. Even though David's anger over her pregnancy has mostly abated, tensions are still somewhat high, and Juliet being there makes things easier.
As soon as she's able to, Madison also comes over, and she and Hannah commandeer the TV to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD Hannah got from Juliet, slumped together on the couch as they eat pie and ice cream.
Madison ends up spending the night, and David makes pancakes for them the next morning, and for the first time since finding out she was pregnant, Hannah's heart feels a little lighter.
"Slut."
It's the first day back at school after Christmas vacation, and Hannah hears the muttered insult as she walks down the hall towards her locker. She freezes, hugging her binder to her chest, and then slowly starts forward again, refusing to reply or even look to see who said it.
Her hands are shaking as she spins the dial on her lock, and she has to do it again because she messes it up the first time. All she wants to do is get her stuff ready for her first few classes, and then get out of the hall, because she can feel too many people staring at her.
It takes just a couple of minutes to get her things together, and she closes her locker and turns, only to see three girls behind her.
"So," Andrea begins, "looks like you got yourself knocked up."
"I - what - who -" Hannah stammers, beginning to panic as her gaze darts to the other girls and then around the hall.
"Please, it's all over school. Everybody knows."
Tears fill Hannah's eyes, her heart pounding harder and her breathing becoming shallower as she presses her back to her locker, and Andrea shakes her head.
"Was this some plan to make Seth stay with you or something?"
"He broke up with me," Hannah says, so quietly she can barely hear herself, but Andrea smirks.
"Guess your little plan backfired."
"I - I didn't plan anything, I didn't want -" Hannah shakes her head, trying so hard not to cry. "Please just leave me alone. You - you wanted Seth, now you can have him. I don't care."
"You always thought you were so smart, that you were better than everybody, and look at you now. Little miss perfect isn't so perfect anymore. Now you're just a pregnant slut -"
"If having sex once makes her a slut, then what does that make you?"
Hannah's eyes widen as Andrea turns, revealing Madison standing behind her. Madison is shorter than the other girl, but she glares at Andrea so fiercely that she takes a step back, the smug look vanishing from her face.
"And besides, do you think she got herself pregnant? Why don't you go spew this same shit to Seth?"
"Please," Andrea says, recovering as she glances at Hannah. "She probably tricked him into having sex with her or something."
"If you're going to pretend like he's the victim here, then why don't you go make him feel better? Suck his dick or something, that's what you're best at."
Andrea takes a deep breath through her nose, her chest swelling as she takes a step towards Madison, but Madison doesn't move, staring angrily and defiantly up at Andrea.
"I dare you," she hisses.
"Like I'm scared of you," Andrea retorts.
"Yeah, I'm shorter and younger than you are, but that doesn't mean I can't kick your ass. You don't know anything about me, but if you don't leave her alone, I can promise you'll regret it."
A beat passes, and then finally, with a disgusted glance at Hannah, Andrea and her friends stalk off down the hall.
Hannah watches them go, and then looks at Madison, who's still staring angrily after the girls.
"You didn't have to do that," Hannah murmurs, her tears spilling over when she blinks.
Madison looks over at her, her body finally relaxing, and shakes her head. "I'm not going to let anybody say any of that crap to you."
Hannah nods, trying to smile, but her tears are falling faster now, and she lowers her head, not wanting anybody to see.
Madison moves closer to her, lifting her hand to Hannah's arm.
"C'mon," she says softly. "We've still got some time before class starts; let's go somewhere quiet so you can calm down."
They end up in one of the single girls' bathrooms, and Hannah sniffles loudly, the sound echoing off the concrete walls.
"Everybody knows, Maddie," she says hopelessly. "Some other girl called me a slut when I was going to my locker, and everybody was staring at me -"
"I'm sorry, Han," Madison says, hurriedly wadding up some toilet paper and passing it to Hannah. "But it's gonna be okay -"
"How is it gonna be okay?" Hannah exclaims, throwing her arms out at her sides. "I'm 16, I'm pregnant, my boyfriend broke up with me, my dad is still acting weird around me, I'm now the most unpopular person at this school, and I have to survive the entire rest of this semester, all while getting fatter and fatter with a baby I don't even want!"
With a sob, she moves over to drop onto the chair against the wall that's meant to hold backpacks or purses, her head falling into her hands as she cries.
"I just want to go home and stay in bed until all of this is over."
Hesitant about kneeling on the bathroom floor, Madison grabs some paper towels and lays them down next to the chair before dropping to her knees.
"I know it sucks, Han," she says softly, "and I can't begin to understand how this feels for you, but you're - you're you. Like." Madison frowns, struggling to find the words to say what she wants to say. "You're awesome."
Hannah looks at her, her eyebrows knitting together, and Madison feels a sense of frustration.
"You're - you're strong." There it is. "You're so strong, Han. I know life has turned really shitty all of a sudden, but it's going to get better, and I know you can make it through this. Have your baby and give it to a good family, and then move on. It's going to be hard, but you just gotta keep being you. Be the awesome person I know you are. Be Hannah."
Hannah stares down at her, tears still rolling down her cheeks, and then takes a quiet breath.
"Be me," she murmurs.
"Be you," Madison says quietly, her voice firm. "Screw all of these people. What do you always tell me to do when people pick on me?"
"Don't react."
"Exactly. Don't do anything, don't say anything, don't let them see that it's getting to you, and eventually, they'll get bored with it and stop."
"It does get to me, though," Hannah says in a small voice.
"I know. And I will go home with you every single day, and you can react all you want, you can rant and cry and yell, whatever you want to do. But here at school, just act like it doesn't bother you at all."
Hannah nods, taking a deep breath, and then blows it out in a loud sigh. "I wish you could be with me all day."
"Me too. But at least we have lunch together, and we ride the bus together. I'm sorry I got distracted earlier after we got here and wasn't there when Andrea started messing with you, but I promise, from now on, whenever I can, I'll be with you. Okay?"
Hannah nods again, taking another deep breath, and spends a few minutes getting herself back under control before the girls leave the bathroom to head to class.
As Madison predicted, when Hannah no longer reacts to the insults thrown at her, they eventually stop, though she knows people are still talking about her behind her back. Even her teachers treat her differently, and she participates less and less in her classes, silently taking notes and doing her work and trying to be as invisible as possible.
On the bright side, her dad has finally eased up about the whole thing, and together they find an adoption agency. Hannah is relieved when the agency says they can handle getting Seth's consent, because the last thing she wants to do is talk to him about any of this; it's bad enough having to see him at school.
Fortunately, there don't seem to be any problems getting him to sign the papers, and Hannah feels immense relief, glad to know that it's out of the way.
Over the course of the next several weeks, the agency presents her with a few possible families, but it's not until spring break that she finally decides on one, a gay couple from Baltimore.
"They're so nice," she tells Madison the night after meeting them, the two of them lying on Hannah's bed. "Their names are Everett and Matthew, they're both tall - well, taller than me, Everett is a little shorter than Matthew - and they both have dark hair, but Everett has the prettiest green eyes."
Madison smiles. "What are they like?"
"Everett is younger, he's 31, and Michael is 34, and Everett seems like he's a bit sillier. Not that Matthew is like, super serious or anything, he's got this awesome dry humor that I love. But Everett is more... he jokes around more. But they're both just so nice, we talked for a long time, they asked me about school, if I knew what I wanted to study in college, they wanted to know about my hobbies and stuff like that. I mean, they just wanted to know about me, and I didn't feel like they were judging me at all for being pregnant at 16."
"Well, they are hoping to get your baby," Madison murmurs. "It'd be kind of stupid for them to judge you."
"Yeah," Hannah says, laughing softly.
Madison smiles again, happy to hear Hannah laugh; it's been a rare sound over the past few months.
"But anyway, yeah, they're really nice, and I think I want to pick them. I think they'll be really good parents for my baby."
Madison bites down on her lip, and then asks, "And it doesn't bother you - I mean, you don't mind that they're gay?"
"Why would I?" Hannah shrugs. "When I was filling out all the stuff at the agency, I said it didn't matter if it was a straight family, or a gay family, or a single mother or father. I mean, I don't want to keep it, but I want it to go to a good family that will love it and take care of it, and I don't think that has to be a man and a woman."
Madison nods, feeling a strange twisting in her stomach as she smiles once more.
A Saturday night late in April finds Hannah and Madison slumped on the couch together, feet propped on the coffee table, and each of them with a plate of pizza in their lap.
"Here, baby," David says, sounding amused as he returns from the kitchen.
Hannah's eyes light up as she takes the bottle of chocolate syrup from him. "Thank you."
"This is probably the weirdest thing I've seen you eat," Madison murmurs, frowning as she watches Hannah drizzle the syrup over her pizza.
"Shut up," Hannah retorts defensively. "It's a pregnancy thing."
David and Madison both laugh.
"You girls need anything else?" he asks.
"We're fine, Dad, thanks," Hannah says, smiling up at him.
"Okay, I'll leave you to it, then." He bends to kiss the top of Hannah's head, his hand rising to lightly stroke her hair, and then moves into his office, closing the door behind him.
Hannah lifts the remote to start the movie, and then sinks a little lower in her seat as she takes a bite of her pizza.
"Chocolate sauce on pizza, though?" Madison says quietly.
Hannah giggles and elbows her. "Shut up. I know it's weird. Pregnancy cravings are weird. I actually asked Dad to bring home McDonald's for dinner the other night."
"Whoa," Madison murmurs, her eyes widening.
"I know. It's weird."
They fall silent for a moment as they eat and watch the movie, and then Madison grins a little.
"We're watching both X-Men movies and Pirates of the Caribbean, are Wolverine and Captain Jack pregnancy cravings too?"
"Maybe," Hannah says, giggling again.
Another few moments pass, and then Madison looks over at Hannah.
"Are you sad about not being at the prom tonight?"
Hannah shrugs. "A little. When Seth and I started dating, I had all of these fantasies about us going to prom together, me in some gorgeous gown, maybe even winning prom court or something, and now..." She trails off, her hand resting on the small swell of her stomach, and then sighs. "I could've gone, but I wouldn't have had any fun." She looks over at Madison and smiles. "It's way more fun being here with you, watching movies and eating junk food. And who knows, maybe next year you and I can go to prom together."
Madison tries to smile back, hoping it looks normal, and is relieved when Hannah turns her attention back to the TV.
Later that night, the girls are in bed, Hannah sound asleep, but Madison still awake. Even Hannah's dad has gone to bed, and the house is utterly silent, but Madison can't seem to shut her brain off.
She stares at Hannah's shadowed features, listens to the quiet sound of her breathing, and tries to make sense of the turmoil in her head.
Hannah's been her best friend for almost four years, and Madison is pretty positive that her feelings towards the other girl have only ever been of friendship. Sure, they made out at that party a year ago, and that had more or less been the tipping point of Madison realizing she liked girls just as much as she liked boys, but she'd never liked Hannah that way.
At least, not until recently.
Now she's starting to realize that her feelings for Hannah have changed, and she doesn't know how to handle it. Hannah's only ever expressed interest in guys, and Madison has no idea if she'd ever date a girl, let alone if she would date her.
It's just that all of the time she's spent with Hannah since she got pregnant has made her notice how amazing she really is. Even with everything going on, she's taken Madison's advice and ignored the people at school who say mean things to her, she's kept her grades up, and she's found a good home for her baby once it's born.
In addition to that, Madison can't help also noticing how pretty Hannah is. Sometimes she'll catch herself just staring at the other girl, admiring her long blonde hair, the shape of her lips, and the way her eyelashes flutter. So many times they've lain in bed, facing each other just like this, so close that Madison has been able to see all of the colors in Hannah's eyes, the way the greens and browns swirl together to create such a pretty hazel color. Madison loves the way Hannah's eyes seem to change color, sometimes taking on a warm brown shade like honey, sometimes turning a dark green like the shadows on the trees, and sometimes they're gold, fierce and flashing, and in those moments, Madison thinks Hannah is like a lioness.
It's not as if Madison didn't think Hannah was amazing and pretty before, but it's like she's looking at her in a new light, and her feelings confuse and upset her. Should she tell Hannah how she feels? What if Hannah gets upset and doesn't want to be friends anymore?
Losing Hannah as her best friend would hurt more than anything else, and Madison doesn't know if she can bear to risk it.
Abruptly, Hannah shifts, rolling over onto her other side, and Madison stares at her a moment longer before sighing and turning onto her back, closing her eyes and hoping sleep comes soon.
The following week, Hannah finds out that her baby is a boy, and smiles as she shows the ultrasound pictures to Madison.
"I can't wait for Matt and Everett to see," she says as they move into David's office so Hannah can scan the pictures, intending to email them to the couple in addition to sending the actual pictures through the mail.
"Did I show you the pictures they sent of the nursery?" Hannah asks as she settles into the desk chair to pull up her email. "They're doing this super cute like, rainforest theme."
Madison shakes her head, and leans down to look at the pictures when Hannah opens the email.
"Oh, god," Madison says, her eyes widening. "They really are going all out, that's awesome. I love the light thing," she adds, pointing to the light fixture disguised to look like vines hanging down over the crib.
"Everett's an interior designer," Hannah says with a grin. "He said it's still a work in progress, but they'll send me pictures as they go."
Madison nods, smiling at Hannah's obvious happiness, and straightens as Hannah composes the email to Everett and Matthew and attaches the ultrasound pictures.
"Okay," she says once it's sent, "I'm starving; let's go get something to eat."
Soon enough it's June, and the school year is over, much to Hannah's great relief. She seems much happier now that she doesn't have to go to school every day, and Madison is happy to see her like that.
The girls are still spending a lot of time together, so much that Madison's dad has joked that she spends more time at Hannah's house than she does at her own. Nobody seems to mind, though, especially now that school is out, and Madison is glad for it, because there's nowhere else she'd rather be than with Hannah. She still doesn't know what to do about her feelings for Hannah, but she does know that they're getting stronger, and knows she needs to do something soon.
One weekend in July, Madison and Hannah come home after going to the movies (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban for the fourth time) and doing a little bit of shopping, and head up to Hannah's room.
"I shouldn't have bought this dress, since I can't really wear it that long," Hannah says, pulling a soft white dress spotted with pink polka dots out of the bag in her hand. "But it was too cute, I couldn't resist. Plus it was cheap."
Madison laughs softly, watching as Hannah tugs her shirt off over her head and shimmies out of her jeans, leaving her standing in her bra and panties. Madison stares at the curve of her stomach, marveling at how big it is, though it makes sense; Hannah's due next month.
"Oh!" Hannah says in surprise, looking down at her stomach. "He's moving."
"I can see him," Madison murmurs. "That's still so weird."
"It is," Hannah agrees. "But kind of cool. You know what else is weird, is how big my boobs have gotten."
Madison feels her face get hot, because this is definitely not something that has escaped her notice, and laughs lightly to try to cover it up.
Hannah pulls the dress down over her head, and then tugs her hair out of its ponytail, twisting it back up into a loose bun.
Madison stares at her, her chest aching at how pretty Hannah is, at how heavy all of these feelings are that she's keeping inside, and takes a deep breath.
"Han?"
"Yeah?"
"I have - I need to tell you something."
"What is it?" Hannah says, looking concerned as she moves closer to Madison.
"I - I just -"
Once again, Madison finds herself struggling to find the words to say what she has to get out, and finally, out of desperation, she steps forward and presses her lips to Hannah's.
Hannah makes a quiet surprised noise, and when Madison pulls back, Hannah's eyebrows are knitted together.
"Maddie, what -"
"I'm sorry, I just - I can't -" Madison stammers, tears rising in her eyes. "I love you. That sounds so stupid, but I - I love you so much, and it's definitely more than - than friendship. I know you like guys, but I guess there's some part of me that - that hopes that maybe you could love me too. That maybe you and I - that maybe you could be my girlfriend."
Hannah stares at her, her mouth open, and Madison's tears spill over as she presses her lips together.
"Please say something."
Hannah shakes her head. "I don't know -"
Madison turns away, preparing to leave, not wanting to hear Hannah's rejection, and then Hannah grabs her, pulling her back around.
"No, don't go, I'm not - I'm not saying no." Madison looks up at her hopefully, and Hannah shakes her head. "I don't know how I feel, but I'm not saying no. Just - give me some time to think, okay? I have so much going on with the baby, and the adoption, and all of that, and I can't deal with this too, not right now." Hannah takes a breath. "After the baby's born, after Everett and Matthew have him, and after all of this is over, we can talk about this again. Okay?"
Madison nods, and Hannah pulls her into a tight hug. "I do love you, Maddie. Right now I can only say it's as a friend, but I do love you. Can that be enough, just for now?"
Madison nods again, squeezing Hannah. "It's enough."
Madison is in the delivery room when Hannah gives birth a month later, holding tight to one hand while Juliet holds the other.
Hannah smiles down at the baby in her arms, and then looks up at Juliet. "Can you go get Everett and Matthew? I want them to see their son. And Dad too."
Juliet smiles and nods, kissing the top of Hannah's head before leaving the room, returning a few minutes later with Everett, Matthew, and David in tow.
"Hey," Hannah says with a tired, but bright, smile. "Come meet your son."
Everett and Matthew move towards the bed, and Matthew raises his hand to Everett's back.
"You first, Ev," he murmurs, smiling as Everett looks at him.
Everett smiles back, and then looks at Hannah, tears shining in his eyes as he bends to carefully take the baby from her arms.
"He's beautiful, Hannah," he says softly, his smile widening as he looks down at the newborn. "Thank you so much."
"Did you decide what you're gonna name him?"
"Alexander," Matthew says, smiling too as he looks at the baby over Everett's shoulder.
Hannah gives a soft laugh as she glances at David, who smiles down at her as he strokes her hair.
"That's my dad's middle name."
"Is that okay?" Everett asks, suddenly concerned as he looks from Hannah to David. "We didn't know, if it's a problem -"
"It's fine," Hannah replies quickly, glancing at David again, who nods.
"Now it's even more special," Matthew says. "We already want you to be involved in his life, but now he's named after your dad, even though it was unintentional."
Hannah nods, surprised to feel tears in her eyes. "I think it's great."
Hannah goes home a couple of days later, but Everett and Matthew have to stay in the city for a little while longer, for legal reasons. They take advantage of it to give Hannah some extra time to spend with Alexander, and then are finally able to head up to Baltimore.
"You okay, baby?" David asks when he and Hannah get home after saying goodbye.
"Yeah," Hannah murmurs, though she knows David can see the tears in her eyes. "I am, I promise. Can Maddie come over?"
"Yeah, of course she can."
Hannah smiles and pulls her phone from her pocket; a few minutes later, Madison arrives and they head up to Hannah's room.
"You okay?" Madison asks as they settle on Hannah's bed.
"I'm fine, it's just..." She trails off, pressing her hands to her almost normal-sized stomach, and sighs. "It just feels weird, you know? Not having him here."
"Do you regret giving him up?"
"No. I really don't. He's better off with Everett and Matt, they can give him more than I could, and I'll still get to be in his life. Baltimore's only like, an hour away, so I can go up there to visit, or they can come down here." She looks down at her hands. "I still regret having sex with Seth, and getting pregnant in the first place, but I don't regret Alex. Is that weird?"
"No, I don't think so," Madison murmurs, reaching for Hannah's hand. "I think you made the right choice for you, and for him, but he's still your baby, even if he's not actually here with you. I think it's normal to miss him a little."
Hannah nods, the corners of her mouth rising in a small smile, and Madison squeezes her fingers when Hannah's head drops against her shoulder.
A couple of weeks later, the girls are in Hannah's room, lounging on her bed as they watch TV.
"Ugh," Madison groans. "School starts next week."
"I know," Hannah replies. "I wonder what it's gonna be like. Like, people are gonna ask about the baby."
"You don't have to tell anybody anything. It's nobody's business. And all Seth can say is that you gave it up for adoption, he doesn't know anything else about it. And you know I'm not going to tell anybody."
"I know," Hannah says, smiling as she looks over at Madison.
They fall silent for a few minutes, and then Hannah takes a breath.
"Now that everything is over, I've had more time to think," she says softly. "Without so much stuff in my head, I realized pretty quickly that I do still like guys. But I also love you. The way you love me. And - and if you still want me to be, I'd really like to be your girlfriend."
"I'd love that," Madison whispers, smiling when Hannah looks over at her. "So much."
Hannah smiles back, finding Madison's hand between them on the bed and weaving their fingers together.
"Imagine people's reactions now," Madison says, raising her eyebrows. "You ended last year pregnant, and now you're starting this year with a girlfriend."
"Well, just like when I was pregnant, as long as I have you with me, I can care a lot less about what other people think of me."
"Me too," Madison replies, smiling again.
Hannah smiles too, shifting closer to Madison so she can kiss her, and Madison sighs happily when it breaks.
"I love how that feels."
"Me too."
Madison grins. "I wonder what your dad is gonna say."
"He'll probably just be happy that you can't get me pregnant."
There's a beat, and then they both start to giggle, turning towards each other. Hannah kisses Madison again mid-giggle, resting her hand on the other girl's neck, and they slowly calm down, still facing each other. Hannah runs her fingers along a section of Madison's hair, twirling the red strands around her finger, and Madison smiles once more, contentment warm in her stomach.
"I love you, Han," she whispers.
"I love you too, Maddie."