so i wanted to thank everyone
i wanted to thank everyone in these past 4 months who have put up with my depressing ass. everyone who has talked to me or at least tryed to cheer me up about life in general . but honestly i havent been happy since september. anyone who knows me well enough can cleary see it.
nothing anyone can really say can fix any mistake ive made, or make me feel better about the things that have happened.
the only thing that has gotten me this far is elliott smith. lame as it be. there is not a day in my life that goes by i dont think about you and i dont cry. I guess what upset me the most is all the freinds and people i cared about i lost, but i will not take blame for it nor will i apologize for it, ive tried my best in these past months to apologize for hurting you, because i never ment too. and im done aplogizing because i will never be forgiven and you will always think i took the easy way out. but love is not easy. and yeah im guilty of giving up.
as for life. my job sucks.i never have any money anymore it seems like i cant make it fast enough to buy myself some sort of hapiness.. i just want to get out of this town and go somewhere beautiful. i want to see new things.
ive been getting the urges to draw agian. i want to write too. i need to find something to get this out.
and i want to do it alone. because ive come to releize no one can make me happy but myself anymore, and i cant depend on anyone in my life to truly be there for me. nor do i want them to be there for me because its a waste of time on there part. im considering saving up money till spring and just leaving and going some other state for about a week with out anyones permission with out anyone knowing, and ill call only once to let them know im alright
i really need someone in my life to help me with direction. to just hold me and talk, i need someone to talk to me with intelligence and knowledge and actully get through to me that this will all be ok soon. because i honestly have never felt so lost in my life.
nothing anyone can really say can fix any mistake ive made, or make me feel better about the things that have happened.
the only thing that has gotten me this far is elliott smith. lame as it be. there is not a day in my life that goes by i dont think about you and i dont cry. I guess what upset me the most is all the freinds and people i cared about i lost, but i will not take blame for it nor will i apologize for it, ive tried my best in these past months to apologize for hurting you, because i never ment too. and im done aplogizing because i will never be forgiven and you will always think i took the easy way out. but love is not easy. and yeah im guilty of giving up.
as for life. my job sucks.i never have any money anymore it seems like i cant make it fast enough to buy myself some sort of hapiness.. i just want to get out of this town and go somewhere beautiful. i want to see new things.
ive been getting the urges to draw agian. i want to write too. i need to find something to get this out.
and i want to do it alone. because ive come to releize no one can make me happy but myself anymore, and i cant depend on anyone in my life to truly be there for me. nor do i want them to be there for me because its a waste of time on there part. im considering saving up money till spring and just leaving and going some other state for about a week with out anyones permission with out anyone knowing, and ill call only once to let them know im alright
i really need someone in my life to help me with direction. to just hold me and talk, i need someone to talk to me with intelligence and knowledge and actully get through to me that this will all be ok soon. because i honestly have never felt so lost in my life.