I'm 21...wow
This is certainly one of the weirdest feeling birthdays thus far. Part of me feels like a child still...so far from beginning my "real" life. Another part of me feels like I'm ancient as I watch my childhood and youth race by faster and faster. And still another part of me feels exactly the same. I've learned from past birthdays (13, 16, 18) that you don't wake up feeling like a changed person, but for some reason, I imagined this birthday being "the one" where I finally feel like I've grown up.
I know I'm not supposed to spend my time obsessing about the future and worrying about problems that have yet to arise, but it is so hard to stay focused on the present when it seems every time I take a moment to stop and smell the roses, something throws my balance off and I end up in a rut. Last week, I lost my eligibility for financial aid, and now I'm terrified about this term. I'm working close to 70 hours per week and taking 14 credits, and while the classes are relatively easy, I'm very concerned it's only a matter of time before I drop one of the balls I'm trying to juggle. What's more, I'm terrified I'm missing out on the social aspect of college because I'm so focused on sticking to the standard 4-years of college. I wish more than anything there were affordable universities out there. I wish FAFSA didn't hate me. I wish my apartment wasn't so expensive. I wish I could just win the lottery because dammit, my education is exponentially more important than some family's mansion.
My scholarship runs out at the end of next term. I lost my financial aid when 2008 rolled around. I've already spent 90% of the money I saved in my year off on other non-tuition related expenses. I thought by staying in Portland and going to school and working full-time, I'd save myself from taking on any debt for my undergraduate degree. I don't understand where I went wrong.
I know I'm not supposed to spend my time obsessing about the future and worrying about problems that have yet to arise, but it is so hard to stay focused on the present when it seems every time I take a moment to stop and smell the roses, something throws my balance off and I end up in a rut. Last week, I lost my eligibility for financial aid, and now I'm terrified about this term. I'm working close to 70 hours per week and taking 14 credits, and while the classes are relatively easy, I'm very concerned it's only a matter of time before I drop one of the balls I'm trying to juggle. What's more, I'm terrified I'm missing out on the social aspect of college because I'm so focused on sticking to the standard 4-years of college. I wish more than anything there were affordable universities out there. I wish FAFSA didn't hate me. I wish my apartment wasn't so expensive. I wish I could just win the lottery because dammit, my education is exponentially more important than some family's mansion.
My scholarship runs out at the end of next term. I lost my financial aid when 2008 rolled around. I've already spent 90% of the money I saved in my year off on other non-tuition related expenses. I thought by staying in Portland and going to school and working full-time, I'd save myself from taking on any debt for my undergraduate degree. I don't understand where I went wrong.